Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Have you tried online dating? helps sift through the one's you are not interested in quicker, so you are less likely to waste your time. Thats how I met my current GF.
So go out on a few dates? I plan to , but I will just try to pass time. I really am sick of effort.
Try drinking, making out with some dude, and being disgusted (or not) by doing that. Next thing you know you telling your friends about it, being embarrassed, laughing, whatever.. Just get emotional about other dudes. Get on match-com and reply to every guy that winks at you. every guy! go wild winking, sending email with random feelings ("I think you look hot on that motorcycle", "ugly shirt dude, get a new pic"), just focus sending your emotions elsewhere. But best if you get physical (kissing), nothing zaps old flames better.
I got a fortune cookie the other day that said: "Love is the only medicine for a broken heart." Kind of the same theory, my suggestion is just helping you get there... again.
I also have no children. My ex bf and I broke up about 2 years ago first time. I didn't know any better and began having sex with him outside of relationship 2 months later. That was degrading , and I stopped seeing him , just a few texts , always him initiating for following 3 mos. We got backtogether and he dumped me again 2 mos later. This time apart officially 5 mos. But we did see e/o about once everu 3 weeks , usually my idea , no sex. He recommitted and seemed to be happy with me. But he had an old female roommate who kept coming to town and bringing another woman to stay at the house. One day about 5 am , the roommates friend drunk , came to our bedroom. I had a fit.I have a bad temper. They said I was crazy , the girl had a fiancee , she didn't mean anything by it ,etc. After my tantrum , he said we were going nowhere. He acted like a total jerk and we broke up again. We start seeing e/o again and he wants sex. I am not ready , but willing to recommit. He says he's not ready for that. We talk about doing dinner with the family for his birthday , but he doesn't contact , I left it to him and about a week later , my sister says she saw on Facebook he has a girlfriend. He wouldn't put me back on after 1st break up 2 years ago. Guess who girlfriend ? The drunk who had a fiancee. Faithful? Responsible? She hasn't had a paying job in a year and was living out of state with fiancee before , apparently she left. I suspect she lives with my ex & drives his car. The things I wanted , he gave her.
What a hot mess
Honey, there's a whole lotta dysfunction in what you describe above, and I'm so sorry for how much you are hurting.
The yo-yoing back and forth was a huge red flag that things weren't going to end well I'm afraid. But it sounds like you two were so drawn to one another that you just ignored all the warning signs that this wasn't a healthy relationship and did this dance that ended in a crash and burn.
I can literally feel your rage coming out all over the computer screen.
Please, do something proactive to quench the fire eating you alive! Make an appt to go and talk to someone okay?
It can be so helpful to rant, rave, vent, and expel these kinds of strong feelings with a professional. Will you consider it?
Ok. He was not the one for you.
When I began dating again I myself made a bad choice to date someone I knew in HS that I met again online,
We started out as what I perceived a possible couple. He was great, a good guy, a DJ and an IT trainer. He had been evicted at the time by a couple whose home went into foreclosure and renting with a friend.
HE is not a good communicator and his way to avoid being with me is by not being accessible, well this does not work well with me so I broke it off.
We were FWB and this is not ok with me so I broke it off after 3 times and 4 months later? He saw me by chance on a date at a sports bar/grill and basically acted like a drunk arse and showed up at my place later that night at 1 am? He made this drunken confession of how it killed him to see me with this guy and he wanted to be my man?
I sent him on his way and 4 months later he admitted to his faults and how sorry he was and he was moving to a different state and I wished him luck.
Bottom line? I dated him because he was safe, I knew him, and I figured out soon he was not a good fit for me and for what I was willing to deal with. He screwed another woman while he was with me and this corroded everything for me.
What I did? I WAS single for 3 years before him trying to figure out what I wanted, had dated him and other “nice’ guys but realized that I was not settling to a type but rather who was more along the lines as I was, someone who got me, someone who had the same family values, ethics and so forth.
These I did not compromise! I “gave up” I stopped looking and chose to me work and 6 months later? I found the guy I have been with and still going strong. Hope this helps
Honey, there's a whole lotta dysfunction in what you describe above, and I'm so sorry for how much you are hurting.
The yo-yoing back and forth was a huge red flag that things weren't going to end well I'm afraid. But it sounds like you two were so drawn to one another that you just ignored all the warning signs that this wasn't a healthy relationship and did this dance that ended in a crash and burn.
I can literally feel your rage coming out all over the computer screen.
Please, do something proactive to quench the fire eating you alive! Make an appt to go and talk to someone okay?
It can be so helpful to rant, rave, vent, and expel these kinds of strong feelings with a professional. Will you consider it?
Yes , thank you. I don't believe we were drawn to eachother , btw , I believe he totallyused me until someone new came along.believed it from the second I saw the picture of them. I KNEW. he was drawn to anything willing ( though I don't believe he ever technically cheated) I am curious what everyone thinks weather they will make it as a couple? Maybe he likes bad girls not good ones?
Yes , thank you. I don't believe we were drawn to eachother , btw , I believe he totallyused me until someone new came along.believed it from the second I saw the picture of them. I KNEW. he was drawn to anything willing ( though I don't believe he ever technically cheated) I am curious what everyone thinks weather they will make it as a couple? Maybe he likes bad girls not good ones?
You will drive yourself crazy thinking about the other woman - DON'T DO IT.
This has NOTHING to do with her and focusing your attention, anger, rage at her won't help you to get past this okay?
I know it can be all consuming to want to figure out "why" he would choose her over you, but that's a dead end that will only prolong your suffering.
It's a chemical mystery why some people fall for others.
On the outside looking in, we don't "see" it. All we see is a physical being that would never appeal to us. Sometimes the other woman is even what we would consider ugly - overweight - a wallflower even, and we just don't get what he could possibly see in her.
The thing to remember here is, 9 times out of 10 a man leaves a woman for another woman for the way the other woman makes him feel.
People mistakenly think men only leave for more physically gorgeous or more physically attractive women - so when the other woman doesn't look that gorgeous or attractive to us, we feel we must be really hideous or ugly ourselves if he'd choose her over us.
But that is just flawed thinking that works against you and diminishes your self esteem! Again, don't go down that path in your mind.
Just remember, you are never going to see in her what HE sees in her, and what he sees in her has NOTHING to do with you okay?
I think what you posted was very self defeating.
I mean I am all for taking a break if all one has had was bad experiences and stating to themselves that they were not GIVING up for good but just for right NOW.
I think there are many reasons that “We” cannot find that special someone.
1. We are not ready, meaning we may have just gotten out of a bad relationship. A lot of people think that if they have been single for half a year to 2 years this is a bad thing?
Being single is not always a bad thing.
Sometimes even though we do not know it ourselves getting over someone takes a lot longer than we anticipated. Even though we may feel that we are ready, we are not. We may still be inadvertently giving out vibes just by the things we tell others about our past that turns them off or sends them a red flag about us.
2. We have not found out what it is we are really looking for, therefore allowing to us to date people that may not be a good fit for us just for the sake of being attached. I.E., unrealistic expectations, unrealistic timeframes, over thinking, being to egocentric and so forth.
3. We have a “model” of what we feel we need instead of the reality we “want”
We set our goals to be unrealistic..I.E. there are only certain types that we feel we deserve, the way they look, dress, station in life instead of doing a real personal inventory.
Meaning you know what you have to give, what you can give of yourself, how you look, not the egocentric way you view yourself., where you re in life.
I.E. I have two friends both different sexes and different views of themselves.
I have a friend whom is a woman, 5’0, a little overweight, a very P/T job, meaning she works 4 days a week maybe 4 hours a day and works commish as a hair stylist. Lives with her mom and her b/f with her 2 kids. Has a car that breaks down every other week. She has wondered why she cannot find a good man? Even though she has dated 2 very good men in the past but they were, 1. Over weight, shorter than what she expected, has a mobile home, drives an older car, has a blue collar job has 2 grown kids. He thought the world of her and accepted her for all her flaws but she 2 years later she is still holding out for the next best thing? Which means she sets herself up..
She goes after the guys that are 6’0 or taller, great job, a 6 pack, beautiful, work out all the time and have younger kids. She is very needy and want all the mans time?
She puts up pics on a dating website that do not depict her true self and she is honest right away about her situation and then gets hurt when they meet and they find out.
Hope this helps.
A few days ago I city data poster submitted an insightful comment. It said something to the effect that women don't want the man they can have, they want the man they can't have.
Women value men who have options, i.e. they want men who can get a lot of women. It probably makes them feel special that they beat out the competition if they get him. Women reject men who they think don't have options. It's very ironic and self-defeating.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,029,399 times
Reputation: 11862
Yeah it can be hard...I mean think of it, every time you go into a new RS it's a bit of a lucky draw, you don't always know what you're getting yourself into until awhile...try to seek out someone you think is a likely chance from the outset. Similar values, interests, at the heart level. Don't try too hard, be happy, live life, and let cupid work his little magic!
Probably not, but why should do you care? You should be happy that his dogging some other woman, and no longer dogging you.
P.S.: I once heard the best way to get over a guy is to get under a new one. Maybe worth trying just to see if it kills you longing for him.
That's my whole point , he's not dogging her , he's showing her off to his friends ( supposedly I don't fit in because I don't drink. That was a bs excuse ) and putting her and him as his main picture on facebook. He took ours down (and i was never main picture) when we broke up and said he didn't want to put any on of me or with me until he knew things would work out with us. More bs.
I give up. I have spent nearly 39 years trying to please people. I have spent 24 years making efforts in relationships. And I give up. It doesn't matter how good you are , how you look or even what a good character and heart you have. I just give up. Some say 'oh , I met my guy when I gave up' or "i met someone when I wasn't looking". This would be great asit is what I want. I am tired of the hurt , why try? Not trying to do the self pity but I really don't feel I desrrve this with all my efforts. anyone had better results not trying?
I have said these exact words often over the years, and I have 4 more on you! Would love to say that method works, but I also have tried letting go and hoping that would make a difference. It didn't really-perhaps because most of us, when we say we are "not trying" or are "letting go of the wants" are simply in denial. Truly "not trying" is hard for most of us since we are all navigating our own lives and are used to having control over our directions.
It's not natural for humans to sit back and be passive, waiting for what we want to just appear.
Don't know your spiritual proclivities, but there is a plan for your life already. Maybe it is to go it alone. I often think that for myself. Finding lasting love should not be this hard. If it is, maybe it is not for us.
I am sure that didn't really help your perspective much...
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
