I give up (female, divorce, relation, people)

[findly185]

Originally Posted by maddog1

No , I was married to an alcoholic. I don't drink , never have been a party girl type. More a bookworm.

If you're a self-proclaimed bookworm why on earth have you been choosing alcoholics and "playboys"? I mean that's a no-brainer- IT PROBABLY WONT WORK OUT!

Sounds like you picking the wrong guys is the problem.

[Dragonfly8]

And another post about him.

I get that it didn't work out with the pair of you.

Let. it. go. Stop creeping his Facebook or listening to your sister about it. Stop replaying every negative moment with him. You allowed it to play out that way.

You're not as strong as you think to allow this on/off relationship like you did.

Make a list of qualities of what you hope to find in a man. Make another list of absolute deal-breakers. Keep this list in mind as you ease back into dating. Don't waste your time, or his, on the deal-breakers.

From this moment forward: Find your dignity, hold your head up and behave like a lady.

Best wishes~

~|~

[maddog1]

Originally Posted by lovesMountains

Glad to try to help, it's why I hang out here

So, you are a recovered alcoholic but he was trying to get you to drink???

WHAT A LOSER!

This guy was NOT worth your time.

No , I had jusy divorced an alcoholic when we got together 3 years ago. At first , he bent over backwards not to drink in front of me because it bothered me. I do not drink at all , never have. Very straight lady too straight many say. Anyways he wanted to see if Id say omg drinking Or if Id complain he wasn't going to be with just me (i guess) on the birthday. Can

[maddog1]

Originally Posted by maddog1

No , I had jusy divorced an alcoholic when we got together 3 years ago. At first , he bent over backwards not to drink in front of me because it bothered me. I do not drink at all , never have. Very straight lady too straight many say. Anyways he wanted to see if Id say omg drinking Or if Id complain he wasn't going to be with just me (i guess) on the birthday. Can

(Got cut off) can't say what reaction he was checking for but I hate him because he knew something was going on with this woman and he's concerned with my reaction to his partying with his friends on his birthday. Should have been concerned with how Id feel when I found out he comitted to her. He should have told me. I have told my friend and sister not to tell me anything they see if they look on his facebook. Im talking about it here because I need help processing it.thank you all.

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by maddog1

(Got cut off) can't say what reaction he was checking for but I hate him because he knew something was going on with this woman and he's concerned with my reaction to his partying with his friends on his birthday. Should have been concerned with how Id feel when I found out he comitted to her. He should have told me. I have told my friend and sister not to tell me anything they see if they look on his facebook. Im talking about it here because I need help processing it.thank you all.

It could be as simple as him looking for a "reaction" from you to help him justify his decision to cheat.

Or it could have been him just being very passive aggressive and wanting to make you uncomfortable to get a dig in at you.

Whatever his reason, it wasn't nice

[maddog1]

Originally Posted by lovesMountains

It could be as simple as him looking for a "reaction" from you to help him justify his decision to cheat.

Or it could have been him just being very passive aggressive and wanting to make you uncomfortable to get a dig in at you.

Whatever his reason, it wasn't nice

Thank you , that's what I was thinking too - justification to choose her if I reacted , which i didn't , but I did end up saying whateve yoy want , it's your birthday , either way , not nice . He is NOT a nice person. Im very clear on that now though he's got most people fooled. Thank you again for everything.

[Chi-turtle]

Originally Posted by maddog1

I give up. I have spent nearly 39 years trying to please people. I have spent 24 years making efforts in relationships. And I give up. It doesn't matter how good you are , how you look or even what a good character and heart you have. I just give up. Some say 'oh , I met my guy when I gave up' or "i met someone when I wasn't looking". This would be great asit is what I want. I am tired of the hurt , why try? Not trying to do the self pity but I really don't feel I desrrve this with all my efforts. anyone had better results not trying?

I don't know if this will "work" to finding someone, but I'm in a stage of my life where I'm trying to create and build my own happiness.

What does this mean? It means I'm investing my time and efforts to improve me. I'm doing what I want to do without considering a woman in my life. For too long I've planned my social outings around the potential to meet new women, left my schedule open for the possibility of setting a date, or focused on doing things that I believed a woman would find value in me for (like learning to cook, yoga classes, etc.)

Well I decided to take women out of the equation when considering my life and my happiness. Doesn't mean I'm against meeting a woman if it happened naturally, I just won't put the effort into trying to make it happen or even make a first move no matter how small it may be.

Things I've done:

Focused on finding a new and better job. I did that. I have a great job where I'm paid well, I love the company and boss that I work for, the industry is much better and professional, and it's more face to face sales than being chained at a desk.

I played baseball but hated my league and my team manager. So I found a new league, better teammates, better league and fields and umps. Better competition. I'm loving it.

I always wanted to learn to play guitar. I signed up for group lessons. That was six months ago and renewed my lessons 3 times, I'm playing many songs and getting better than I thought I would this fast.

I hated my roommates. I got a new apt, my OWN place. I love it, it's huge, great location. A little more expensive, but it's worth it.

I felt unhealthy and felt like I was carrying more weight than I should. I worked out more with a friend who REALLY knew how to work out. I ate differently. I lost 30 pounds in 2 months. My goal is to lose another 10.

I felt distanced from my family. I stop by a family member's house at least once a week for dinner or to spend time on a weekend afternoon. I go out of my way to do things for them, help them with what I can. I'm happier having family around more often.

These are all things that no woman can ever take away from me and it's my own constructed happiness.

I don't know if I'll be as happy as I could be if I had a relationship or marriage with a woman I truly cared about....but I can tell you I'm certainly much happier than when I was hurt and searching for a woman. I'll take good happiness instead of great happiness if it means I won't have to be "unhappy" ever again.

[strawberrykiki]

You won't have a good healthy relationship until you let go of the unhealthy bad one. Trust me. Whatever he did or didn't do doesn't matter. What he's doing now doesn't matter. Look to the future, not to the past.

[Dragonfly8]

Originally Posted by strawberrykiki

You won't have a good healthy relationship until you let go of the unhealthy bad one. Trust me. Whatever he did or didn't do doesn't matter. What he's doing now doesn't matter. Look to the future, not to the past.

+1

This.

'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger' should be be on repeat for the OP.

~l~

[maddog1]

I feel stronger. I won't ever go back , not flattering myself that he wants me or anything. But he made his decision , I just didn't know he'd made it long ago , and that is that.