Everything I suspected was confirmed... (sociopaths, man, loyalty, loving)

[findly185]

Okay, how could you be this blind if all of that was going on? I'm sure there were red flags from the get-go. Are you a "fixer"? You know, the women that take on charity-case men in the hopes they will change him?

No one will change unless they want to themselves. No sense in thinking a wife, mother, father, brother or sister is going to make someone get help if they dont want it.

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by findly185

Okay, how could you be this blind if all of that was going on. I'm sure there were red flags from the get-go. Are you a "fixer"? You know, the women that take on charity-case men in the hopes they will change him?

This is a good point, OP. You may have blind spots that it would be helpful to uncover and recognize. We all do.

[Cunucu Beach]

Damn, TLV, what an ah-so this jerk turned out to be. I really feel bad for you. However, I know that you have an intrinsic strength that will carry you through this and you will come out of it stronger and wiser. Time is on your side and time will never be on the side of this loser.

Men who take advantage of the compassionate and nurturing natures of women like he did are the lowest scum of the earth. Take it to the bank......Karma WILL catch up with him.

Good luck, girl.

[Theliberalvoice]

Originally Posted by lovesthebass

I'm glad you were able to rid yourself of this human trash. I can't believe someone would lie about having cancer. What a psychopath.

You'd be surprised how awful some people are. When this guy gets hit with the truckload of bad karma he has coming to him, you'll be glad you're not around.

The best thing to do is do whatever you can to forget you ever met this guy and get back to living your life happily. Don't let it change your heart nor outlook on a REAL relationship. I wish you luck in finding a warmhearted, non-manipulative man.

I wish it was that easy. I think I was doing well for a while because I had finals. But now that finals are over and my load is much lighter, I think about it more and more.

This is not something I can just get over but thank you for wishing me luck in finding a good man.

[strawberrykiki]

I'm very sorry, OP. The best thing you can do is move on with your life and use this as a learning experience. I honestly believe sometimes bad things happen to make us stronger and teach us important lessons. Use this time for yourself. Be single for awhile and think carefully about what kind of person you want to be in a relationship with next time. And when you're ready to date don't settle for anything less than what you want.

[Theliberalvoice]

Originally Posted by LS Jaun

Was this this first time you had this type of person in your life?

I have had boyfriends lie before but NEVER to this extent.

Originally Posted by ocpaul20

Firstly, what an amazing learning experience. I bet you have learned loads of stuff while you were in it.

I feel it is more positive to look at things as learning experiences rather than beat ourselves up over "how could we have been so stupid". So, now you have a wonderful opportunity to heal and to move on. I dont suggest that you should run out and find another partner straight away as you may need time for reflection and to think about what you have extracted in a positive way from that suituation you have left behind.

Yes, I am sorry that you suffered a lot of anguish and I agree that it is not a nice respectful way for your ex-partner to behave.

If you look at life like I do you will realise that we are all responsible for creating our own environment. It brings a kind of responsibility because we each are responsible for everything, yes everything, we come across in life. As time goes on, we get the hang of this and life gets better because we want to experience better things for ourselves.

I have no doubt this will make you hopping mad at me, and you will call me all kinds of names but then, thats what a forum is for - to present other ideas and opinions. Some we agree with and some we vehmently disagree with.

I wish you all the best now that you have finished this relationship.

Not only was it not respectful but AFTER I confronted him saying I know everything, he STILL STILLLLLL tried to turn it around on me. He told me I was mental and that he was just a volunteer at the rehab center for school and met this girl there. He said they were only friends. He lies so much that he forgot to tell me he dropped out of school due to "cancer". Stuff he has NEVER told me before. Heh. He made it up on the spot to cover his ass.

And no, I am not mad or going to call you names. Why would I?

Originally Posted by temptation001

Does the other woman know he faked having cancer? If he is telling you this for a whole year, who knows what he is telling her?

I have no idea who the other woman is but to my knowledge, she is also a drug addicted woman and I was told they met in rehab. When I confronted my ex about this, he said she did not exist. Then later on, she was a "friend who he met while they were volunteering at a rehab center for school."

She is probably like him. No better.

Originally Posted by Trimac20

Karma will see to it that he really does get pancreatic cancer . No, Lord wash out my mouth for saying that, lol.

Don't be afraid. He said he wanted to see me and clear the air out. I told him "The next time I see you, it better be when you are in a coffin after a long hard struggle with cancer you piece of ****."

I wish cancer upon him every single day.

Originally Posted by PA2UK

This man is a very disturbed individual and you'll drive yourself crazy trying to make sense of it. You're not going to get any answers, you just need to learn from this and start trying to move on. Be grateful he's finally out of your life and don't allow yourself to be blinded by this level of deception again... now you can start working towards a healthy and happy life.

Thank you PA2UK. I am trying. I thought I would get closure and move on after I found out everything but it is SO MUCH HARDER than I thought.

[Theliberalvoice]

Originally Posted by zentropa

Weird. I thought you were done with him 3 months ago.

I was but I was still curious about the missing pieces. It is not easy to just walk away when you think someone is struggling with cancer.

What is weird about that?

Originally Posted by cpg35223

The simple answer? There are people in this world who are no damned good. Sorry that you got involved with one.

If you've ever known a person with substance abuse issues you know that they lie every time they open their mouths. You managed to find an extreme case.

Walk away. As in immediately. Do not return his calls. In fact, block his calls. Get a restraining order. If you lent him money, get a lawyer to get it back. Respect yourself above all. And find someone in your life worthy of trust.

I don't apply this to you personally, because I don't know the events that led up to this. But there seems to be a lot of space on this forum dedicated to people who quickly get into relationships, ignore the warning signs, become invested in that person, and then find out who they really are when it's almost too late.

I have never dealt with someone who had these problems before. This is why I had no idea. One of his friends informed me that my ex lied about everything. His friend said he once asked him where he got a game from and he named off this place that was nowhere nearby. He lied about everything according to this friend.

His friend told me "Don't walk away from him. RUN AWAY." I am not returning any calls and he texted me last week. I ignored it. I never lent him money thank goodness.

I knew who he was for a while. His friend informed me he was ok until October where he was busted for selling drugs and put into rehab by the judge. I noticed a change back then too. But he was claiming to have cancer from the start.

This is just so scarring from me. I don't even know what to tell you.

Originally Posted by Suncc49

Hard drugs and alcohol?

Get yourself tested for HIV and Hepatitis C right away. I hope you didn't have unprotected sex with him......

Additionally as others have said, karma will catch up.

Good advice as scary as it is. Although I did go to the doc for a check up due to a bladder infection and they did not report anything back.

Originally Posted by Opsimathia

"The face of evil is always the face of total need."
- William Burroughs

He was a broken person who turned into a parasite.
You hopefully dodged a bullet with this one. I agree to go get tested and move on.
Even if he told the truth and never cheated its not exactly a cake walk to be with someone who had addiction problems so severe they had to go into treatment. My guess its not his first time either so he knew he had to lie. Be happy he is gone.

I agree that some people are just evil too. Don't try to make sense with someone who acts completely senseless.

Humans are disgusting creatures. A real picture of evil:
Mod cut: Too graphic, and unnecessary to the discussion.

I am sure he cheated. This source would never lie to me. These people were very valuable for me to talk too.

He did not go to treatment because he wanted too. He went into treatment because the judge put him there.

And yes, humans are disgusting. VERY disgusting.

Originally Posted by srjth

I wish people were more honest in their relationships. When people are not honest, it just adds to the phenomenon of dating turning more into something like a job interview/screening than something fun and romantic.

Yep. Agreed. That is how I feel now.

Originally Posted by LS Jaun

So true. Many drug addicts and alcoholics fit this profile.

for the OPs sake I hope this isn't just one in a string. My sister has a life long history of being attracted to this type of personality.

No, this is my first drug addict....thank goodness.

[RiderGirl]

Originally Posted by LuckyGem

#1. He was in rehab. Let's give the guy some credit for taking his health into his own hands (yes he lied to you but you're not married to the guy).

Unbelievable. The guy gets NO credit. He didn't just lie -- he used and abused this poor woman for a freaking YEAR.

#2. If he had continued drugging/boozing he would have been a candidate for having cancer.

WTH does this have to do with anything? He's still despicable.

#3. Everything he was going thru with you was withdrawl. And the pain was emotional and physical.

Just like the pain the OP is going through at finding out the extent of his deceit.

#4. If he had not gone into rehab, he could have died from his addictions.

Just like the OP could die from any disease this lying, cheating junkie may have exposed her to.

He was wrong, yes. But that's all part of the "disease" he is struggling with.

I'm going out on a limb here -- are you by any chance a recovering junkie yourself? Your defense of his behavior and comment to the OP to not make it about her is disgusting. He played the "C" card, emotionally abused her, and possibly exposed her to disease. It IS about her.

[RiderGirl]

Originally Posted by Theliberalvoice

Good advice as scary as it is. Although I did go to the doc for a check up due to a bladder infection and they did not report anything back.

Nope, you need the full set of tests. Tell the doc you were exposed to a drug user who has other partners. Get every test they recommend.

[Theliberalvoice]

Originally Posted by Cantabridgienne

He does sound like a sociopath, an addict or a pathological liar. It's not your fault that he is so messed up. What a horrible situation, I'm sorry.

I know...so horrible.

Originally Posted by Ascension12

Men, who try to envoke the feeling of pity in women are complete needy losers, no matter what they say. It speaks volumes about his immaturity and insecurity. We know who he is, but you need to figure out why you can be attracted to a man who does something like this. That part is on you, not him.

We know who is. I know who he is. HE knows who he is. And he doesnt like it so he LIES AND LIES about it.

I know what it is. My parents want me to go get married soon since I am Indian. We have no Indian boys around here so I thought I found one who was decent. Parents say I can only marry an Indian if I was family relationships. Then he told me he had cancer on top of it. So I stayed with him for that reason.

Lesson learned. Dont give them slack because they are Indian.

Originally Posted by srjth

I think it's a bad idea to start/establish a relationship at a time when one or both people are down on their luck, because people are not in their clearest state of mind and are in survival mode. Selfishness is bound to take over. It's okay to be friends with someone like that though.

I agree.

Originally Posted by Yzette

Oh, my good grief. What misery. What hell on earth. I am so sorry you had to deal with this, Lib.

And he still hasn't bottomed out. He'll relapse into drink and drugs--if he hasn't already--lose the other woman, and most likely will have to be jobless and homeless, first.

Even then, given his level of sociopathy, there's no guarantee he'll wake up.

There is nothing more you can do for this man, which you very clearly already know. For what it's worth, I would be just as angry and sickened as you are. Honestly and no joke, I'd probably get one of those kiddie punching bags (bop bags) and beat the tar out of it, and then maybe back over it a few times. This is real "picture of his face on the dartboard" territory--and that's okay. Print out his emails and tear them with your hands, then burn them. Scream into your pillow. Run a few miles full tilt. Or my personal favorite, go to a batting range and whack the crap out of some balls, pun thoroughly intended. Whatever brings you catharsis and release. The kind of stress you're under is the stuff that's bad for your heart, so let it out.

No one could blame you if you talked to a professional, just to work through your anger, and to stave off any burgeoning feelings of self-doubt. Sometimes people castigate themselves in situations like this, question their own judgment, and beat themselves up for having been victimized.

Yes, you were victimized, by him and his disease.

I hope you have the love and support of family and good friends around you now. Let them help you.

Misery and hell on Earth are an understatement. You don't understand. I want to **** in his face and would do anything in my power to make sure he gets cancer and suffers from it. He would be better off with cancer and dying because his future looks bad.

I was on the phone with the people and just sobbed and sobbed as they told me everything. My professor and staff came out. They hugged me tightly and told me that if I wanted to go see an therapist, the school offers it.

I agree 100 percent on questioning myself and beating myself up. I feel so stupid. So useless. So raped. So unworthy. So manipulated. I never before in my life had a situation that would bring me tears randomly. School, store, home, at night, in my dreams. I just lose control.

I dream about. I have nightmares. Even when I focusing on school or with friends, I will randomly remember when I found everything out or other memories. I HATE IT I HATE IT.

My family does not know as dating is forbidden in our culture. But a couple of friends know and they have been there for me.