How and where to find the right woman? (date, women, love)
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Is there anybody at work that seems interesting? I'm excluding your boss or someone you supervise , of course. Maybe someone cute and smart that works in another department . Get some rapport going and suggest lunch. How about volunteering somewhere that supports your interests? Or, join a hiking or running club.
Do the opposite of whatever it was that landed you that fiancee you broke up with this time last year.
And remember, if they move in with you, you have to drop the "this is MY house and MY stuff" routine, because it will get old very quickly and then you will hear "so then you pay for it and you take care of it." There's no reason for a woman who works full-time and has a good career to increase the worth of your home, especially if she's also paying you rent and paying half the bills. A strong, independent woman--the kind who will be an equal partner--will not want to deal with that domineering garbage and having a deed waved over her head 24-7.
Indeed, that's why I remembered you, aside from the fact that your screen name reminds me of a former character on CSI:Miami.
Chances are very good that an equal partner will suggest the same thing that your ex-fiancee did: That you buy a new residence together that belongs to both of you. If you can't live with that, or you can't bring yourself to put her name on the deed and mortgage when you eventually get married, then you still need to work on your idea of partnership.
I'd rather not bring up my ex-fiancee but I think part of why I was so hesitant of buying a house together with her is because I would still be the one paying for it. My ex was the type to go out, spend MY money (not hers), and basically lived a VERY comfortable lifestyle without having to raise a finger. If I was with an equal partner who would help with the bills, food, etc...I wouldn't be so hesitant to maybe think about buying a new property as a joint partnership. Frankly I like my house though and I don't have any mortgage payments but I do agree that I have a hurdle getting over the mindset that everything is equal because I'm so used to referring to everything as "my stuff". I will admit that problem but I think a woman who is also a successful professional may understand that with her own life.
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No offense but it sounds as if you are picking trashy, uneducated women and expecting them to morph into "good girls" with jobs and a bank account. You chose women because they have a hot bikini body or give great "jobs" versus looking for women who are more well-rounded, educated and take care of themselves (physically, financially, etc)
I don't think any of my former girlfriends were trashy OR uneducated...they were just...LAZY. I picked a few for the WRONG reasons (hot bod, good in bed, eye candy) and I'll admit those mistakes but I want to move past that. I want to find an attractive, well-rounded, financially/mentally stable person who I can SHARE my life with versus one who just wants everything given to her on a silver platter.
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The problem resides within you, as the Millionaire Matchmaker would say, your "picker" is broken. Maybe some light therapy to find out why you go for the same type all the time.
I would agree with that sentiment. My picker has been broken for quite a while, I substitute my pecker for my picker which lands me into these type of situations.
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Guys who choose women based only on looks end up complaining about "high maintenance" women. If all you want women for is arm candy and sex (and maid service), I'd say you have a lot to learn about life before you're ready for a serious relationship. From what you wrote, you come across as a very shallow person. If what you posted accurately represents you (?), that doesn't bode well for future happiness.
Misguided? Yes. Shallow? No.
Just because of past errors in judgement doesn't mean I'm not trying to look for a better future. When I was in my 20's, I really didn't WANT anything steady or serious but now that I'm 31...I'm looking to settle down and have someone to enjoy life with. I want to find someone with similar interests and someone with a similar philosophy on life, someone who is driven to succeed as well. On weekends, I leave Phoenix and go to the lake and go boating, I want someone to go with and enjoy a getaway from the hectic work world. I like to travel, learn new cultures, read various books, go to car shows with my 'Vette, sit out on the patio at night and have a few glasses of wine overlooking the lake and mountains. I want someone to enjoy these experiences with, I'm all open to applications.
I know there are various things I need to change but as a person, I generally think I'm very easy-going, fun, and caring. I don't know why I'm having such a problem finding the right person.
Can I ask where you've been meeting these women? I have friends that have a little sense of entitlement (not good-or condoning it) grew up in one of the wealthiest counties in the country, country club, private school kids, who I rode horses ($100,000+ animals), but none of them are lazy, and they all work their a**es off in college and in their current professions and make their own money.
Your honesty is appreciated, AZ. It sounds like you've done some self-reflection. Now you're talking about similar interests and similar philosophy on life. This is a different side of you than what we saw in the OP. My suggestion: don't be in a hurry to find a good match, these things can't be rushed. If you try to rush it, you could well end up making another mistake. I second Stickytoffee's advice about getting involved in hiking or other sports clubs, volunteering, going to book readings at the bookstore, etc. (Be careful about workplace involvements, they can backfire, just be careful you don't pick someone who is under your command, or is a superior). This should be as much for your own personal enrichment as for anything else. It will take time, don't expect immediate results.
If you spend the whole weekend on your boat, you're not going to meet anyone, right? So as much as you love your R&R time there, consider giving up some of that time to another activity that will place you around the kind of women you want to meet.
P.S. Most people have trouble finding the right person. It takes patience. To a large extent, it seems to be a matter of luck or chance, but we can help create our own luck by circulating as much as possible.
My ex was the type to go out, spend MY money (not hers), and basically lived a VERY comfortable lifestyle without having to raise a finger.
My live-in girlfriends never worked, lounged around MY house, spent MY money on clothes/purses/etc, and were basically just in it for a free place to live and a credit card that they didn't have to pay.
No one can spend your money, live in your house or use your credit card unless you let them. From you own posts it should be obvious how you should find the right person. Stop dating women who are using you for your money.
You will find what you seek.
So start looking beyond hotness, sex, and arm candy.
Your honesty is appreciated, AZ. It sounds like you've done some self-reflection. Now you're talking about similar interests and similar philosophy on life. This is a different side of you than what we saw in the OP. My suggestion: don't be in a hurry to find a good match, these things can't be rushed. If you try to rush it, you could well end up making another mistake. I second Stickytoffee's advice about getting involved in hiking or other sports clubs, volunteering, going to book readings at the bookstore, etc. (Be careful about workplace involvements, they can backfire, just be careful you don't pick someone who is under your command, or is a superior). This should be as much for your own personal enrichment as for anything else. It will take time, don't expect immediate results.
If you spend the whole weekend on your boat, you're not going to meet anyone, right? So as much as you love your R&R time there, consider giving up some of that time to another activity that will place you around the kind of women you want to meet.
P.S. Most people have trouble finding the right person. It takes patience. To a large extent, it seems to be a matter of luck or chance, but we can help create our own luck by circulating as much as possible.
^^ I very much agree, you must have patience. Workplace dating could end up very messy(I don't recommend it, and many work places frown upon it as well). Volunteer activities, or other activities you enjoy doing, just be ready to spark up conversations with people.
People go through different stages of life at one time or another, and your at a stage where(it sounds llike) you've had your fun, made your mistakes and are ready to settle down...good for you! Women that have a job, support themselves and are not materialistic are easy to spot once you get them talking! Those are going to be more of what you are looking for now, and since you seem to shower gifts, trips, etc. on your gfs...don't do that right away. No trips, no expensive dining, just simple(sometimes even free) dates. Make her get to know you for who you are, not what your wallet is about!!
since you seem to shower gifts, trips, etc. on your gfs...don't do that right away. No trips, no expensive dining, just simple(sometimes even free) dates. Make her get to know you for who you are, not what your wallet is about!!
It's so refreshing to see someone else talking about free or simple dates! You don't need to impress women with money! Save the expensive dates as special treats, if the process gets to the stage where you feel motivated to treat her to something special. Expensive dates shouldn't be ordinary, they should be special. What impresses women is guys who want to take the time to get to know them, and to listen to them, guys who take an interest in the woman's interests, in her view of life, etc. Guys who find the woman fascinating, as opposed to finding themselves fascinating. Smart, good-hearted, honest guys. If a woman expects pricey dates all the time (or right off the bat), she's not your kind of woman.
If you want my personal view, I think the key here is "live-in girlfriend". I don't think you should provide for anyone who's not there for the long ride. Paying for dates is one thing, but I would leave the providing for until there is a long term plan, until there is a "we" as opposed to a "you" and an "I" (ie marriage)
I don't think any of my former girlfriends were trashy OR uneducated...they were just...LAZY.I picked a few for the WRONG reasons (hot bod, good in bed, eye candy) and I'll admit those mistakes but I want to move past that. I want to find an attractive, well-rounded, financially/mentally stable person who I can SHARE my life with versus one who just wants everything given to her on a silver platter.
Here's the thing, based on your own description of the women they are indeed "trashy" (or call it "lazy" if you so desire) but it is what it is.
So, here's a bit of advice from a woman's point of view...stop dating the girl who is the "eye candy" bombshell type because those girls are trained gold diggers. That is their job. Stop looking for the girl who looks like a walking beer ad or ones that you pick to impress you buddies at the lake. All women with great bodies do not find it necessary to put it on display. Find a girl who is in shape but dresses a bit more modestly. Sexy does not equal showing a lot of skin. And stop dating women younger than 26.
Also, a woman who has her own thing going will not be eager to move into your house. Find women who have a real job (ie not working at Hooters), their own car and their own apartment/condo/house so that they are not looking for you to shack up with and foot the bill.
Broaden your own interests. Go to an art gallery open or to a charity event. Take a yoga class or attend a wine tasting event. Change things up a bit.
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