Simple advice needed for a complicated relationship issue.

[Wmsn4Life]

Wow, I was wrong about the quality of responses.

SO true, Ellie! Showing her this thread would cause much more damage. He needs to do his own dirty work, rather than letting her read all this.

[redvelvet709]

I definitely thing that until the two of you, or even just you, can come to some absolutes, you should stop living together.

[redvelvet709]

Originally Posted by Dewdrop93

I'd say you need to move on. It's not fair to her to keep stringing her along in the hopes that you'll just somehow get over wanting to be with other women. Maybe you'll find someone that is enough for you. Maybe you won't. And maybe you'll realize that she really was the one for you only she isn't there anymore. All this may be true. However - it's not to fair to her to stay with her given how you feel right now.

This is what I said in a private message. It really isn't fair to allow a woman to stay in your home when you are not committed to her.

[redvelvet709]

Originally Posted by round4

If you "care about her" so much, she's your best friend, can't imagine life without her... How come you treat her like dirt? How come you use her? You're hurting her. You've cheated emotionally on her.

My advice is to let her go, it will hurt her, but, she will get over you. She deserves someone who will love her and give her 100 percent which obviously you cannot do.

I agree with you!! This is really a mess.

[Lyloc]

This happens to everyone! Take Prozac and you'll lose your interest in sex and be free of this. On the other hand, you won't feel completely alive. We all have to deal with this.

When my boyfriend was 24 I told him how unhappy it made me to see him look at other women. We made a deal, which worked. when he was with me, he acted like no other women existed, which was very difficult for him to do. I did something equally difficult, I quit smoking.

We are both better off for it. It helped enourmously.

I thought I only felt attracted to him until this young Matt Leblanc look-alike started working out at the gym at the same time I did. He was sweet and friendly, in an appropriate way. The attraction was so strong, I thought I'd lose my mind. Nothing came of it. The fireman moved to another area of town and no longer came to the gym.

[hatgirl007]

Forgive me but it seems that you are not in love with her. Sounds like you with her for all the right reasons however you are not into her (love her) like she's into you. Part of your lust issue has to do with you choosing to grow up but if you feel an "open relationship" is the issue then you aren't ready to committ to an adult mature relationship, or at least not with her. Her emotional issues have to do with you seeming to be the man she wants but you aren't ready for a relationship and you fail to honor her in a committed relationship and that's an issue for her that can't be ignored. Expecting your girlfriend to accept you flirting with other people and lusting for other women is unreasonable to say the least. How would you feel if you had to play second best in public to every other man who walks into the building?
I would like to say let her go so she can be free to be in love with someone who loves her too but that's a call you have to make. Sounds like you are being selfish because you are enjoying the benefits of a good relationship while you are setting up a cheating lifestyle on the side or a situation asking her to ignore you infidelity. You don't seem to be in love with her and obligation relationships are not hot.
You have to do some soul searching but do the right thing and you know what that is in your heart of hearts.

[srjth]

Good lord almighty. What a nightmare.

[Siobjuan]

You sound as if you love her but are not in love with her. How did it all shake out?