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Old 05-14-2012, 05:45 PM
 
210 posts, read 556,551 times
Reputation: 239
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Could be any number of reasons, and you know him, we don't - so you tell us

He could have been very sincere in his interest, but sabbotoged the relationship out of embarrassment over the ED.

Or, his ego and self-esteem could have taken such a hit over the ED that he doesn't think any woman would want him.

Or, he could be emotionally crippled due to other issues and just not able to make himself move forward like a man does when he sees something he wants.

Or, he could be feeling "old" and that he doesn't deserve to be loved (a self-esteem thing again).

Oh, he could be a sociopath who enjoys playing with peoples emotions.
I don't think he's a sociopath. I think it's most likely self-esteem issues. I thought with a loving partner, those issues would subside. Who knows?

The more I know people, the more I love my dog.
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Old 05-14-2012, 05:48 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
43,186 posts, read 51,397,110 times
Reputation: 35261
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mentat View Post
I don't think he's a sociopath. I think it's most likely self-esteem issues. I thought with a loving partner, those issues would subside. Who knows?

The more I know people, the more I love my dog.
A man's ego can be a very fragile thing.

If you really feel there is potential with this man then try to have a conversation with him to get to the bottom of what is going on.

He may be too embarrassed to talk about it at first, but if you reassure him of your sincere concern perhaps he would open himself up a bit more to you and the possibilities.
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Old 05-14-2012, 07:06 PM
 
Location: East coast-New England
1,034 posts, read 575,708 times
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See I just dont think he is into you. Back in 2001 he acted all shocked and said that he just thought you guys were friends. listen, with all those talks and arm around each other, etc. If he had really wanted you, he would have been in there. He obviously went after the other woman, right?

Plus now, you admit to him you care for him, but he backs off and runs. Did he do that when he met his ex wife? No..he dated and married her.

I think he feels warmly for you..but isnt hot for you. It's just not there for him, or he would make the move to develop the relationship. Again..he did with the ex-wife, didnt he?
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Old 05-14-2012, 07:28 PM
 
210 posts, read 556,551 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SummerFall View Post
I think he feels warmly for you..but isnt hot for you. It's just not there for him, or he would make the move to develop the relationship.
I guess.


Quote:
Originally Posted by SummerFall View Post
Again..he did with the ex-wife, didnt he?
I wonder how hot he was for her since his ED was a big reason for the divorce... I know that she had a lot of problems. I think he thought that if he could help her with them, that would compensate for the ED.

Oh well, no use thinking about that.

I've decided to forget about him. I've tried twice with him and he's rejected me each time. I've learned my lesson.
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Old 05-14-2012, 07:35 PM
 
210 posts, read 556,551 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
If you really feel there is potential with this man then try to have a conversation with him to get to the bottom of what is going on.
I've tried to be sensitive and understanding with him, to no avail. I can't have a conversation with him because he won't talk to me. As much as I'd like to be there for him, he keeps rejecting me. There's nothing I can do.

I've decided to leave the Pandora's box of his emotions alone.
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Old 05-15-2012, 08:46 PM
 
3,825 posts, read 2,724,762 times
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I think you read a lot into this relationship that really isn't there. At one time you told him you never wanted to speak to him again. You were mad because you saw your relationship differently than he did, so in your mind it is all his fault. Maybe he has woken up to the fact that you are not worth the trouble. He can't read your mind, and you shouldn't expect him to. If he wants to call you, he will.
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Old 05-15-2012, 10:20 PM
 
210 posts, read 556,551 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nite Ryder View Post
He can't read your mind, and you shouldn't expect him to.
I know he can't read my mind. I also know that he didn't pick up on my behavioral cues to see that interested in him romantically in 2001. That's why I told him how I feel about him more recently. Obviously it made no difference since he did the same thing again.

Like I said, his emotions seem like a Pandora's box that I'm better off not opening.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Nite Ryder View Post
Maybe he has woken up to the fact that you are not worth the trouble.
What's that supposed to mean?

All I did was respond to him when he was behaving like he was interested in me. Of course I was upset when he just suddenly disappeared without explanation. If he saw us as just friends, why didn't he ever mention to me that he was dating someone?

Look, if you don't have anything helpful to add, keep your comments to yourself.

Last edited by Mentat; 05-15-2012 at 10:32 PM..
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Old 05-15-2012, 10:36 PM
 
4,838 posts, read 4,763,146 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mentat View Post
He has ED.

Back in 2001, I thought he was being a gentleman, and that he was waiting until we were very serious to try anything physical.

I didn't want to try making the first move this time around, because I wanted to be sure of where we stood with each other. I wanted us to agree that we were bf/gf before anything romantic happened. Also I wasn't sure if he didn't try anything due to anxiety about his ED.
I've been told that this sort of relationship doesn't exist any more, at least in the general public. Perhaps this doesn't apply among muslims and certain fundamentalist groups, but very rare otherwise.
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Old 05-15-2012, 10:42 PM
Status: "Le sigh" (set 9 days ago)
 
Location: SF Bay Area
11,560 posts, read 5,827,052 times
Reputation: 8592
Sounds like you're just friends and he cares a lot about you as friend, and those feelings can run very deep, but not quite the same as romantic and/or sexual feelings.
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Old 05-15-2012, 10:45 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
20,519 posts, read 16,933,351 times
Reputation: 28564
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mentat View Post
What should I have done to show him that? I told him that I cared a lot about him and was waiting for him to take the lead.

I am used to being with men who are more aggressive, and take the lead in letting me know how they feel about me by telling me, kissing me, touching me sexually, etc.
He might prefer women who are more aggressive too.
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