How do I fix this broken relationship? (date, boyfriend, long distance)
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I've got a question pertaining to my ex boyfriend, and what exactly I should do.
Okay, here's my problem.
We're both in high school. Well, he just graduated. I still have a year to go. We dated for over a year and a half. When we met, we hit it off right away and fell deeply in love. However, a few months before he broke up with me, we started to drift apart, and the passion just sort of went away. This had everything to do with him being stressed about graduating, and me dealing with depression. A few months before, something had happened in my family, and the tension and anger that was going on at home started to drift into other aspects of my life a.k.a my relationship.
Anyway, he broke up with me because he said he felt as if he wasn't making me happy, and he was tired of trying because it wasn't getting any results. When he said his, we both cried, and walked away broken hearted. This was about two months ago. I asked him the next day if there was any chance for us, and he said that, yes, there was. But at the moment, he made the decision to be single, and he didn't want to flip flop. I respected this decision, and agreed that it would do us good to spend some time to get acquainted with friends we put aside for our relationship and just get used to being independent from one another again (All his friends are going out of state for college, and he probably won't see them again). I asked him when would be a good time to re-open the question of weather or not we should be in a relationship again, and he said after school starts, when summer vacation is over.
Since we broke up, we still remained in contact. Well, we sorta had to. We were taking a university class together, so it's not like we could avoid each other. And the weird thing is that we actually got along much better than when we were together. It was like the comfort of being in a relationship was gone, so we had to interact like friends, and being friendly was not at all hard. Anyway, a week ago Monday was the last day of our class, hence the last day I had a reason to see him. He was very affectionate, but not really in a romantic way. We laughed together and reminisced on the good days. He told me he was really going to miss me this summer, and that he had an incredible year with me, and he was so sorry it didn't work out in the end. Before we left, he embraced me in a hug and would not let go until I pulled away and ran off (I was sort of crying and didn't want him to see) Anyway, we haven't spoken since, and I'm at a loss of what to do.
I really want to ask him for another chance, because we got along so well after we broke up, and the chemistry we had was unmistakably great. Plus, I still am crazy about him. I just feel like I'd be diminishing my self respect asking the boy who broke up with me for another chance. He said we maybe could get together when school started again, but that's months away! I really don't want to wait that long on a “maybe.” He's going out of town for about a month in July, and I kinda want to ask him before. I'm not going to ask him to be my boyfriend, yet, but just to see if things can grow into something more. I know I was a hard person to be with, because I let my personal problems get in the way of our relationship, and I know I made him miserable for that. I'm doing much better now. All that was bothering me at home previously has been resolved, and I'm a 100% happier person for it. I just got comfortable in our relationship, took him for granted, and didn't really try to keep any spark alive. I know my downfalls and really want to know what's it's like being with him, with this whole new perspective and appreciation.
I've come to terms with the fact that we may never be together again, and I'm okay with that. I know there will be a million other chances to be happy, and I'm not naïve thinking this was it. But I still cant get over the time I lost being depressed and angry, and I just can't ignore how well we really get along. I just want to know what to do. (He said if anything were to happen, I should be the one to ask him, since he asked me the first time) Should I ask him? What do you think I should say? Is this something really worth perusing, or should I just let it go?
I've got a question pertaining to my ex boyfriend, and what exactly I should do.
Okay, here's my problem.
We're both in high school. Well, he just graduated. I still have a year to go. We dated for over a year and a half. When we met, we hit it off right away and fell deeply in love. However, a few months before he broke up with me, we started to drift apart, and the passion just sort of went away. This had everything to do with him being stressed about graduating, and me dealing with depression. A few months before, something had happened in my family, and the tension and anger that was going on at home started to drift into other aspects of my life a.k.a my relationship.
Anyway, he broke up with me because he said he felt as if he wasn't making me happy, and he was tired of trying because it wasn't getting any results. When he said his, we both cried, and walked away broken hearted. This was about two months ago. I asked him the next day if there was any chance for us, and he said that, yes, there was. But at the moment, he made the decision to be single, and he didn't want to flip flop. I respected this decision, and agreed that it would do us good to spend some time to get acquainted with friends we put aside for our relationship and just get used to being independent from one another again (All his friends are going out of state for college, and he probably won't see them again). I asked him when would be a good time to re-open the question of weather or not we should be in a relationship again, and he said after school starts, when summer vacation is over.
Since we broke up, we still remained in contact. Well, we sorta had to. We were taking a university class together, so it's not like we could avoid each other. And the weird thing is that we actually got along much better than when we were together. It was like the comfort of being in a relationship was gone, so we had to interact like friends, and being friendly was not at all hard. Anyway, a week ago Monday was the last day of our class, hence the last day I had a reason to see him. He was very affectionate, but not really in a romantic way. We laughed together and reminisced on the good days. He told me he was really going to miss me this summer, and that he had an incredible year with me, and he was so sorry it didn't work out in the end. Before we left, he embraced me in a hug and would not let go until I pulled away and ran off (I was sort of crying and didn't want him to see) Anyway, we haven't spoken since, and I'm at a loss of what to do.
I really want to ask him for another chance, because we got along so well after we broke up, and the chemistry we had was unmistakably great. Plus, I still am crazy about him. I just feel like I'd be diminishing my self respect asking the boy who broke up with me for another chance. He said we maybe could get together when school started again, but that's months away! I really don't want to wait that long on a “maybe.” He's going out of town for about a month in July, and I kinda want to ask him before. I'm not going to ask him to be my boyfriend, yet, but just to see if things can grow into something more. I know I was a hard person to be with, because I let my personal problems get in the way of our relationship, and I know I made him miserable for that. I'm doing much better now. All that was bothering me at home previously has been resolved, and I'm a 100% happier person for it. I just got comfortable in our relationship, took him for granted, and didn't really try to keep any spark alive. I know my downfalls and really want to know what's it's like being with him, with this whole new perspective and appreciation.
I've come to terms with the fact that we may never be together again, and I'm okay with that. I know there will be a million other chances to be happy, and I'm not naïve thinking this was it. But I still cant get over the time I lost being depressed and angry, and I just can't ignore how well we really get along. I just want to know what to do. (He said if anything were to happen, I should be the one to ask him, since he asked me the first time) Should I ask him? What do you think I should say? Is this something really worth perusing, or should I just let it go?
He has already made up his mind, whatever the reason behind it is. You two might get along well, but it doesn't mean that you should get back together. Some folks get along a lot better as friends and maybe this applies to you.
The part of your post I am confused about is the part that I bolded. If what was to happen? Is it asking him to be your boyfriend? Didn't ya'll date already? Anyway, eventually you will get over him. Just find something to occupy your mind in the meantime.
Just let it go. That is what he appears to have done. Go on with your life and you will find someone who appreciates you during your good times and during times that may not be the greatest. You deserve better.
Let it go unless he comes to you. And make him earn his way back in , he can't flip flop back and forth. His words , they are goods ones to hold him to.
At the risk of sounding like a mom (which I am), you are still in high school. Concentrate on that, on growing up, on becoming the mature young woman you want to be as an adult. Don't dwell in the past, in the 'what might have beens". If/when you see him again, if you present a self confident young woman who is living a fulfilling life, you will attract him, and other young men. If you are still mooning over him, you'll miss out on so much, and not be presenting an image that's likely to draw him back.
You have a whole lot of future ahead of you. If this guy really is the one you are meant to be with, you will come back into each other's lives at a time that will be better for both of you. If not, better you develop yourself, rather than losing more time pining for someone who isn't right for you.
blondiel says in post #3 "you deserve better". Hogwash, blondiel is thinking like a blonde. You deserve what you get out of life, and you have to live with the mistakes you make. You stated " I know I was a hard person to be with, because I let my personal problems get in the way of our relationship, and I know I made him miserable for that. I'm doing much better now. All that was bothering me at home previously has been resolved". If you really cherished this relationship, you wouldn't have let anything interfere with it, but you were too immature to put him first in your life. You are young and have a lot of living left to do, learn from your mistakes and move on. Easier said than done, I know. There are always two sides to every story, I bet his side would be that he enjoyed the relationship while it lasted, but you were too much trouble to keep it going.
blondiel says in post #3 "you deserve better". Hogwash, blondiel is thinking like a blonde. You deserve what you get out of life, and you have to live with the mistakes you make. You stated " I know I was a hard person to be with, because I let my personal problems get in the way of our relationship, and I know I made him miserable for that. I'm doing much better now. All that was bothering me at home previously has been resolved". If you really cherished this relationship, you wouldn't have let anything interfere with it, but you were too immature to put him first in your life. You are young and have a lot of living left to do, learn from your mistakes and move on. Easier said than done, I know. There are always two sides to every story, I bet his side would be that he enjoyed the relationship while it lasted, but you were too much trouble to keep it going.
Harsh. But it is very important to learn from mistakes. No one is perfect. He wasn.'t either.
Thanks for the advice. Like I said before, I know I'll be okay either way. I just want to make sure what I do is right, because I don't want to spend more time than I need to wondering, "what if?"
As a general rule, most high school relationships don't last through college. Usually what happens is you go to different schools, it becomes harder to communicate and there are opportunities that are easier to accept that trying to maintain a long distance relationship. You're already facing this with him being a year older. In other words, you drift apart. At this point, I'd just accept the relationship for what it was, a high school romance that ended friendly. If you end up getting back together, it was meant to be, but trying to force it will likely push you further away. Accept his decision and let him be the first to make contact.
CarrieMs got good advice blutoj.....probably the best for you!
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