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I have a good friend moving away in a month or so and I have put in all the work in planning, inviting, scheduling, and reserving the camping trip in a month.
I invited my friend's ex whom he is still good friends with and she has a new boyfriend already who is coming and everything is cool with him, we'll call her "Missy". My ex gf who I had a hard breakup and took a year to get over is best friends with Missy, we'll call my ex "Lindsay".
I invited Missy for obvious reasons. A while back Missy knew I was going to try to be friends with my ex to try to allow myself to get over her and try to let go some of my bitterness toward her. (It was a bad idea, I realized after a couple conversations with my ex I wanted nothing to do with her, this was months ago). Well I think Missy may have told Lindsay about the camping trip and I don't think I made it clear to Missy that I didn't invite Lindsay and I don't really want her on the trip. I didn't include Lindsay on the invitation, so she may or may not have noticed that, but I have a feeling that Missy is going to ask me if it's okay if Lindsay comes along.
I haven't seen Lindsay since the break up. Lindsay is extremely insecure and ALWAYS has a boyfriend of some sort at any given time. I don't care for Lindsay as a person and don't really want to be around her, let alone see her for a whole weekend with her new boyfriend (her friends told me she's not seeing anyone but I seriously doubt that's true). I know I may have opened this can of worms myself when I attempted to be friends with my ex but I want to shut the door on that initiative completely.
What should I say to Missy if she asks me? I feel like I'd be the jerk for telling her "no, I don't want Lindsay there" but I really really don't care to see her ever again. I like Missy, she's fun, she's a good person, I feel bad telling her that I don't want her best friend to come. How would you guys handle this? I'm almost certain she's going to call me and ask me soon, otherwise I wouldn't be asking this on here knowing that I'm opening myself up to some hate responses of some kind I'm sure.
I realize it's hard to do this, but it's important to me that Lindsay does not come on this camping trip. I put too much work in getting this all together and if Lindsay insists on coming I may just not go as I have baseball games I'd rather play and don't want to miss out on to spend a weekend with my ***** ex girlfriend and her new tool of a boyfriend.
Tell her you don't want your ex there. It's not really that crazy of a request. You planned it, you're not tagging along. Don't let your ex make this an awkward time for you.
If Missy doesn't comply, it might be time to phase her out as a friend.
I don't see why you just can't say no. It's not a big deal.
But I also don't see why it's such a big deal if the ex comes on the trip. You don't have feelings for her, she sounds like a total waste of time, and who cares who she's dating? I mean, it's a group setting, so you don't have to hang out with her the whole time.
Unless you have PTSD from the relationship, I don't see why this is such a big deal. I keep asking one of my friends who tends to get caught up in drama with people who are a waste of her time "Why do you let them have significance to you?"
But I was bullied pretty horribly as a kid - I've gotten really good at putting people in the category "Not worth the time to think about them." It's a useful skill.
If you don't want her there, then say so. But I think your best approach is not caring either way, and going with the lowest-drama option for your friend's farewell camping trip.
I have a good friend moving away in a month or so and I have put in all the work in planning, inviting, scheduling, and reserving the camping trip in a month.
I invited my friend's ex whom he is still good friends with and she has a new boyfriend already who is coming and everything is cool with him, we'll call her "Missy". My ex gf who I had a hard breakup and took a year to get over is best friends with Missy, we'll call my ex "Lindsay".
I invited Missy for obvious reasons. A while back Missy knew I was going to try to be friends with my ex to try to allow myself to get over her and try to let go some of my bitterness toward her. (It was a bad idea, I realized after a couple conversations with my ex I wanted nothing to do with her, this was months ago). Well I think Missy may have told Lindsay about the camping trip and I don't think I made it clear to Missy that I didn't invite Lindsay and I don't really want her on the trip. I didn't include Lindsay on the invitation, so she may or may not have noticed that, but I have a feeling that Missy is going to ask me if it's okay if Lindsay comes along.
I haven't seen Lindsay since the break up. Lindsay is extremely insecure and ALWAYS has a boyfriend of some sort at any given time. I don't care for Lindsay as a person and don't really want to be around her, let alone see her for a whole weekend with her new boyfriend (her friends told me she's not seeing anyone but I seriously doubt that's true). I know I may have opened this can of worms myself when I attempted to be friends with my ex but I want to shut the door on that initiative completely.
What should I say to Missy if she asks me? I feel like I'd be the jerk for telling her "no, I don't want Lindsay there" but I really really don't care to see her ever again. I like Missy, she's fun, she's a good person, I feel bad telling her that I don't want her best friend to come. How would you guys handle this? I'm almost certain she's going to call me and ask me soon, otherwise I wouldn't be asking this on here knowing that I'm opening myself up to some hate responses of some kind I'm sure.
I realize it's hard to do this, but it's important to me that Lindsay does not come on this camping trip. I put too much work in getting this all together and if Lindsay insists on coming I may just not go as I have baseball games I'd rather play and don't want to miss out on to spend a weekend with my ***** ex girlfriend and her new tool of a boyfriend.
You organized this whole thing and sent invitations, clearly omitting Lindsay. All you have to do is tell Missy, "Lindsay wasn't omitted by accident. She was not invited and I prefer that she does not come."
Man up-don't tip toe around it. Why let her have the satisfaction of going on a trip that YOU worked hard at in organizing only for you not to go? That's just silly.
It's just an ex and it's not your party. If they are all friends then the ex should be able to come.
It's an ex that broke my heart pretty badly and I haven't seen in the flesh since the breakup. I don't really know how I would feel about seeing her, but I know for a fact I would be bothered/annoyed with seeing her with a guy. No one should have to see that if they don't want to. It would be different with any of my other ex's, I have hung out with ex's and their new bf's before, it was no big deal for me. This girl is different.
Also, my ex would only have ONE friend there. The other 10 people are my friends and they don't like her. I don't know why she wants to come, she'd be surrounded by people who dislike her.
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