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In high school, I was terrified for my boyfriend(s) to meet my mother and come to my house. She is the biggest slob and laziest person you would want to meet. Before anyone could come over, I had to spend HOURS cleaning up the house. Mind you, she didn't work at all so it was off-putting to go to school and extra-curriculars only to come home and bust my butt just to get the house to a sanitary level (still didn't look good, stains etc). Then there was her. She is and was always sloppily dressed with stains all down her front and was and is morbidly obese. I was terrified they'd take one look at her and run in the other direction. I always heard the cliche: look at the mother to see what the daughter is going to look like. I've never had my mother's body type and knew I wasn't destined to have her struggles with weight, but I was worried about convincing the boys of that. Luckily, after 8 months, when I finally introduced my boyfriend to my mother, he was understanding and always went out of his way to help her (he started coming over to mow the lawn for me at the age of 18). I knew I would never let him go after that! Then, introduce all the manic episodes through college, and you know you got a keeper.
My point is that the family background does not make a person. I'm a strong, resilient person. I'm fastidious about my appearance and the house is always sanitary and mostly neat aside from the playroom. I'm the opposite of her. Don't discount a person based on their family.
I think it's pretty unfair to judge someone based on their family. That said it can be challenging. My brother's girlfriend has an insane family. It's tough for him to deal with but he does it because he loves her and even though her family is kind of nuts, his girlfriend isn't. People don't always turn out like their families.
my husbands family on this mothers side are all crazy, rude, full of themselfs, and liers. my husband is nothing like them at all, he seen how they were his whole life and was determined that he was not going to be anything like them. you cant always look at the family you need to look at the individual person.
Give people a chance. I recently read in a Psychology magazine that 60% of Americans were abused as children, so most of that was probably from family members. That correlates into excluding a whole lot of people in this world who otherwise might be wonderful, decent human beings. Judge people for themselves, not their families. We can't help who we were born to. Some people are strong minded and intelligent and rise above the craziness. Some escape it first chance they get. People like that are sometimes more sound than your average person from a non-crazy family as they may have learned better ways of communication and worked on bettering themselves as human beings.
Give people a chance. I recently read in a Psychology magazine that 60% of Americans were abused as children, so most of that was probably from family members. That correlates into excluding a whole lot of people in this world who otherwise might be wonderful, decent human beings. Judge people for themselves, not their families. We can't help who we were born to. Some people are strong minded and intelligent and rise above the craziness. Some escape it first chance they get. People like that are sometimes more sound than your average person from a non-crazy family as they may have learned better ways of communication and worked on bettering themselves as human beings.
^^This. I've dated people from so-called "normal" families, and let me tell you they tend to have no concept of hardship, no difficult life experiences, and they seem to have little concept of what your average human being may go through growing up.
Give me all the crazy I can handle. At least I'll be able to relate to them.
^^This. I've dated people from so-called "normal" families, and let me tell you they tend to have no concept of hardship, no difficult life experiences, and they seem to have little concept of what your average human being may go through growing up.
Give me all the crazy I can handle. At least I'll be able to relate to them.
Those who said it's a red flag if you have a crazy family, how about if you are in therapy working on it?
That has the potential to be a psychological three-way, in which a discussion between two of the participants will, at some point, affect the third party, without the third being informed of whatever behavioral assignments were given to the person they are dating.
Personally, I don't see that as a good foundation for a relationship. YMMV.
what a shame. i didn't realize people are able to pick and control their family members now. must be a new feature of life.
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