He has a girlfriend and I'm backing away, BUT should I? (marriage, guy)

[swgirl926]

Originally Posted by Beilua Rose

More of the background:

His girlfriend is "on and off". I've actually met her and she seems nice but he also said they continuously fight. He has not implied that he wants to start a relationship with me BUT he texts me way too often to just be friendly. He shouldn't say goodmorning to me or ask me how I am doing almost everyday. He knows I am a good person, I don't think he'd want to take advantage of me but I really like him but I just don't know whether I should show interest. Mainly because I feel it may be selfish or self-absorbed of me to do that when I know he has a girlfriend. You are right though, it may be trouble and I shouldn't give my attention to a guy who as of right now can't give me his full attention. I don't know what to do still. He's a nice guy, but I don't know him THAT well either.

Don't let it fool ya. If things were truly that bad with the gf, I highly doubt that he would still be with her. What it sounds like he's doing, is trying to convince you-and maybe himself - that his relationship is worse than it actually is, to justify his talking to other women (I highly doubt that you are the only one that is getting those friendly texts.)

Ask yourself this: if for some reason the two of you did get together, could you trust him not to use other women as a diversionary tactic to avoid the issues in your relationship? Fast forward a couple of years, and he could be giving some other woman a sob story about your situation, which could be miles away from the actual truth. Think about it.

[Cav Scout wife]

Originally Posted by Beilua Rose

I met this guy awhile ago and he and I actually ended up getting along very well once we started having actual conversations. We make eachother laugh and smile and we do have chemistry, but I am also very aware of the fact that he has a girlfriend of a couple of years. I gave him my phone number because he wants to stay in contact with me. I only texted him ONCE and since then he's been the one to text me first. When I respond, my texts aren't in depth. Very quick, non-emotional responses. He sends me smiley faces, tells me that certain things makes him think of me. He wanted me to visit him so I did but based on other circumstances we didn't have much time to talk.

The advice that I have seen around the web is that he is most likely a womanizer or "player" who cheats on his girlfriend because he gets away with it.

Yet, I don't know if that is the case for this situation. I'm wondering if I should continue to talk to him or just stop talking to him all together so that I don't get emotionally hurt in the end. I don't want to back away because he may truly like me and is just trying to get to know me better. I do like him as well. He has not mentioned anything sexual to me at all and has not complimented me on my looks, yet it's obvious he has feelings for me based on his texts and the way he looks at me and treats me when we do see eachother.

I think you should leave it alone. He's seeing someone, that does not mean since he's not married that gives you carte blanche to try and move in or hit it or anything like that.

[D217]

Definitely step off unless you thrive on drama (which lots of people do)

[JeepGirl118]

Well if you choose that you will not walk away, I do hope that his girlfriend does find out, shreds his clothes like a psycho and then leaves him. You then can have him all to yourself. You two will deserve each other.

Good Luck!

[second right]

Originally Posted by JrzDefector

Oh eek, even worse than a player, he could be one of those guys who likes to have his next relationship lined up so he can just transition over. Ew.

I like those guys even less than the standard cheater because it's just sooooo calculated and orchestrated. And how pathetic is the person who can't stand to end a relationship because then the might be... *gasp* ALONE!?

^This is spot on, in my opinion.

[maddog1]

Originally Posted by second right

^This is spot on, in my opinion.

^^^^^ yep , that's what I was trying to say. This guy sucks.

[srjth]

Originally Posted by ImCurlybelle

If a guy was really into his girlfriend, he wouldn't be accepting, flirting, entertaining other girls- he'd have eyes only for his girlfriend. Therefore, I think he's unsettled with what he is dating, and is thinking, but not quite ready to leave his girlfriend .... If you have feelings for him, be honest ... However, I wouldn't pursue anything till he ends it with her- and, that is something you may want to say to him, "I like you, however, I'd like you a lot more if you were 'free' and not with someone".

Otherwise, it's drama waiting to happen.

This.

[purehuman]

ImCurlybelle's right Beilua Rose...he needs to end it with his other girlfriend before you should allow yourself to have feelings for him

[JanND]

Do you really want a guy that behaves like that behind the back of his long term supposed committed girlfriend?? If he will do that to her he would do that to you. Give it some thought.

Originally Posted by Beilua Rose

I met this guy awhile ago and he and I actually ended up getting along very well once we started having actual conversations. We make eachother laugh and smile and we do have chemistry, but I am also very aware of the fact that he has a girlfriend of a couple of years. I gave him my phone number because he wants to stay in contact with me. I only texted him ONCE and since then he's been the one to text me first. When I respond, my texts aren't in depth. Very quick, non-emotional responses. He sends me smiley faces, tells me that certain things makes him think of me. He wanted me to visit him so I did but based on other circumstances we didn't have much time to talk.

The advice that I have seen around the web is that he is most likely a womanizer or "player" who cheats on his girlfriend because he gets away with it.

Yet, I don't know if that is the case for this situation. I'm wondering if I should continue to talk to him or just stop talking to him all together so that I don't get emotionally hurt in the end. I don't want to back away because he may truly like me and is just trying to get to know me better. I do like him as well. He has not mentioned anything sexual to me at all and has not complimented me on my looks, yet it's obvious he has feelings for me based on his texts and the way he looks at me and treats me when we do see eachother.

[negativenancy]

Originally Posted by Beilua Rose

I met this guy awhile ago and he and I actually ended up getting along very well once we started having actual conversations. We make eachother laugh and smile and we do have chemistry, but I am also very aware of the fact that he has a girlfriend of a couple of years. I gave him my phone number because he wants to stay in contact with me. I only texted him ONCE and since then he's been the one to text me first. When I respond, my texts aren't in depth. Very quick, non-emotional responses. He sends me smiley faces, tells me that certain things makes him think of me. He wanted me to visit him so I did but based on other circumstances we didn't have much time to talk.

The advice that I have seen around the web is that he is most likely a womanizer or "player" who cheats on his girlfriend because he gets away with it.

Yet, I don't know if that is the case for this situation. I'm wondering if I should continue to talk to him or just stop talking to him all together so that I don't get emotionally hurt in the end. I don't want to back away because he may truly like me and is just trying to get to know me better. I do like him as well. He has not mentioned anything sexual to me at all and has not complimented me on my looks, yet it's obvious he has feelings for me based on his texts and the way he looks at me and treats me when we do see eachother.

The next time he wants to meet with you, ask that his girlfriend comes along too. If he isn't considering cheating why hide a close friendship?