Sex and the Single Person (girls, attractive, couple, clubs)

[Chinolala]

[quote=hnsq;1609551]I think you should hold off until marriage. Now, I am a guy, so I completely agree that men overall think differently than women, but I am still not going to have sex until marriage. I think if you base a relationship on the physical attraction (e.g. sex), you will have major problems down the road. If you base it on common interests, compatibility, shared values, etc. and let attraction be secondary, you will have a great relationship.

It seems that you're combining having sex to have sex and sex in marriage as the same thing. They're clearly not. Sex outside of love, (sex buddies, one night stands, 3 night stands, "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas) - this type of sexual encounter is typically based on physical attraction. I think many people who have that type of sex, whether it's once in their lives or ragularly, can differentiate that when it comes to marriage and life long partner, physical attraction is just a fraction of what is important. I agree that a marriage based on physical looks is a marriage that most likely will fail. However, when people are seeking sex and nothing more, then the physical attraction is important. Sometimes people are mentally attracted to each other. For instance, if you saw this person on the street, you may not look twice at them. But after spending a few hours talking with them, you find them attractive for their mind. People have different criteria for who they may have sex with versus who they would serioiusly date and perhaps marry one day. And sometimes, people stumble across their life partner through sexual encounters. It turns out that they start dating and find that they are very compatible with each other in a myriad of ways and get married. If people who wait to have sex until marriage have a lower rate of divorice, then perhaps religious belief and being opposed to divorce is the factor? I personally know so many combinations of people that have married; some as virgins, some not, some having sex on their first date, one partner a virgin and the other not, etc. In my social group, it doesn't seem that divorce is prevelant in any one group of people.

[hnsq]

[quote=lisak64;1616961]

Originally Posted by hnsq

I think you should hold off until marriage. Now, I am a guy, so I completely agree that men overall think differently than women, but I am still not going to have sex until marriage. I think if you base a relationship on the physical attraction (e.g. sex), you will have major problems down the road. If you base it on common interests, compatibility, shared values, etc. and let attraction be secondary, you will have a great relationship.

It seems that you're combining having sex to have sex and sex in marriage as the same thing. They're clearly not. Sex outside of love, (sex buddies, one night stands, 3 night stands, "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas) - this type of sexual encounter is typically based on physical attraction. I think many people who have that type of sex, whether it's once in their lives or ragularly, can differentiate that when it comes to marriage and life long partner, physical attraction is just a fraction of what is important. I agree that a marriage based on physical looks is a marriage that most likely will fail. However, when people are seeking sex and nothing more, then the physical attraction is important. Sometimes people are mentally attracted to each other. For instance, if you saw this person on the street, you may not look twice at them. But after spending a few hours talking with them, you find them attractive for their mind. People have different criteria for who they may have sex with versus who they would serioiusly date and perhaps marry one day. And sometimes, people stumble across their life partner through sexual encounters. It turns out that they start dating and find that they are very compatible with each other in a myriad of ways and get married. If people who wait to have sex until marriage have a lower rate of divorice, then perhaps religious belief and being opposed to divorce is the factor? I personally know so many combinations of people that have married; some as virgins, some not, some having sex on their first date, one partner a virgin and the other not, etc. In my social group, it doesn't seem that divorce is prevelant in any one group of people.

I am absolutely not saying everyone who has sex outside of marriage will get divorced when they do tie the knot. I just know that psychologically, when you have sex outside of the constraints of marriage, you are less likely to mentally associate anything sexual with a monogamous relationship. Again, this in no way saying that this will affect everyone, rather I know there are plenty of people who have sex before marriage who end up in very happy, fulfilling, successful marriages. I am just presenting the facts as discovered through surveys, psychology, and national studies. below is a link to one academic journal showing what I am talking about. If you don't believe me (and please do not take my word for it, try to prove me wrong) find some sources to back yourself up. With something like this, I think it is good to talk based on facts, and not opinions.

JSTOR: Accessing JSTOR (broken link)

[Chinolala]

[quote=hnsq;1618026]

Originally Posted by lisak64

I am absolutely not saying everyone who has sex outside of marriage will get divorced when they do tie the knot. I just know that psychologically, when you have sex outside of the constraints of marriage, you are less likely to mentally associate anything sexual with a monogamous relationship. Again, this in no way saying that this will affect everyone, rather I know there are plenty of people who have sex before marriage who end up in very happy, fulfilling, successful marriages. I am just presenting the facts as discovered through surveys, psychology, and national studies. below is a link to one academic journal showing what I am talking about. If you don't believe me (and please do not take my word for it, try to prove me wrong) find some sources to back yourself up. With something like this, I think it is good to talk based on facts, and not opinions.

JSTOR: Accessing JSTOR (broken link)

The link takes me to web site that lists organizations that have access to the data. Most of them seem to be schools. I'm unable to access the academic journal. In any case, I'm not agreeing or disaggreeing with you. I simply think that the majority of people that marry as virgins, do so for religious reasons and religious values. My guess is that if someone's faith is that strong, that these are the same people that won't get divorced. I know of some Catholics that married as virgins and have the some of the worst marriages you've ever seen...literally. Households of verbal abuse, alcohol abuse, etc. Homes where the kids pray nearly daily that their parents will get divorced. But they won't divorce because of their strong Catholic beliefs so they live in chaos. I think what you're implying is that people who have sex before marriage, are more prone to be unfaithful while married. Perhaps this is true. There are other reasons why people get divorced (or should) and I suppose for those reasons, sexual history is not relevant. What are your feeling on unmarried people having sex within a long term monogamous relationship?

[wisconsin woman]

Well, there are two sides of that theory. People who have sex before marriage, had 2 kids together (one was before they tied the knot) and are still very happily married after 30 years. Then there are those who dont, till they get married, and they were divorced in 3 months. I know people in both of those instances, its just a crazy world we live in.

[hnsq]

[quote=lisak64;1618223]

Originally Posted by hnsq

The link takes me to web site that lists organizations that have access to the data. Most of them seem to be schools. I'm unable to access the academic journal. In any case, I'm not agreeing or disaggreeing with you. I simply think that the majority of people that marry as virgins, do so for religious reasons and religious values. My guess is that if someone's faith is that strong, that these are the same people that won't get divorced. I know of some Catholics that married as virgins and have the some of the worst marriages you've ever seen...literally. Households of verbal abuse, alcohol abuse, etc. Homes where the kids pray nearly daily that their parents will get divorced. But they won't divorce because of their strong Catholic beliefs so they live in chaos. I think what you're implying is that people who have sex before marriage, are more prone to be unfaithful while married. Perhaps this is true. There are other reasons why people get divorced (or should) and I suppose for those reasons, sexual history is not relevant. What are your feeling on unmarried people having sex within a long term monogamous relationship?

lisak, I do think you have a great point. I personally am a Christian, and look at marriage as a Christian institution (not to say at all that I have any problem with non-Christians getting married). I think you are exactly right when you say religious values plays a huge role in this. I also think so many people are Christian in name only, not really living out a lifestyle described in the Bible that it gives an awful picture to people (Christian divorce rates are exactly the same as secular). I once heard a pastor say that in marriage you take a gun, hold it to your head and put your spouse's finger on the trigger. If you are not comfortable with that, you should not get married. I know that is a little extreme (the guy was pretty intense), but it makes a good point.

I am not personally OK with unmarried people having sex in a monogamous relationship, but I absolutely do not want my beliefs to infringe on anyone else's rights. I think morally it should not happen, but I would never be one of those Christians out there protesting something such as that, because legally I do not want to impose on anyone's rights.

I hope that made sense, if not, I can defiantly do my best to clarify.

[Picassine]

Originally Posted by elfyum

Right on!! (sista/brotha?) Rep'd ya!

Sista.. I'm a 'she'...

[Childfree35]

Originally Posted by elfyum

Any of you who've read my posts know what I think...
To put it bluntly (and to quote one who definately agreed RIP)
"Give it to me baby...!!!!!!!"
(What's your name again? Heh)
Oh, & I'm female - since most people seem to think that's a guy thing.
It's just a sex thing...

HI FIVE TO YOU SISTA!!!
I'm banging two guys. I'm having the best time in my life. I could careless who disapproves. If I was a man, I would be a playa. But, we are whores. SO WHAT!!!!!!

[Rance]

So in a couple years you'll look like a cow pattie with a wagon wheel drove through it. What then?

[jkmewright]

^^^^ AAAAAHHHHHHHHH Did he just say that? ROFLROFL The visuals are just TOO much

[Torn2pieces]

Originally Posted by Childfree35

HI FIVE TO YOU SISTA!!!
I'm banging two guys. I'm having the best time in my life. I could careless who disapproves. If I was a man, I would be a playa. But, we are whores. SO WHAT!!!!!!

I'm glad you don't care who approves. Just like ── I don't care how many dudes your knocking...

Really - SO WHAT.......