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Old 05-21-2012, 08:05 AM
Status: "Humming "Suicide is painless"" (set 16 days ago)
 
Location: Whoville....
21,290 posts, read 15,087,377 times
Reputation: 10768
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
Yeah, show her this post right here. If she has any sense, she'll pack her bags now and leave. You sound like an idiot right now. You've been together 10 years, married 6, and you can't talk to your wife and discuss your feelings any better than this??
And he doesn't even have the excuse he's hormonal....

My fear is this child will grow up in a broken home. Now is not the time to hang on to your toys. Now is the time to man up and become a dad. Unfortunately, when you have a lifestyle you've been emmersed in, that has to change when a baby comes along. I think she realizes that.

 
Old 05-21-2012, 08:06 AM
 
79 posts, read 37,020 times
Reputation: 45
Chessemom- look some people are harder o talk to than others and my wife is extremely hard to talk to normally let alone pregnant !! I dont need ur **** i asked a question and if your oppinion doesnt have any feedback to that question c yourself out ! Who are u to say that ? Its our 1st child we werent planning on having any and shes either an emmotional wreck or telling me how things are going to be including what to do with my hobbies ! All i asked was if i was totally out of line by thinking i didnt need to give it up entirely and if others thought she would mellow after baby comes or stay this way ?? I bet u an ur marriage are perfect huh ? I tell ya thanks to everyone's pos or neg thoughts on this matter alot of it has helped me rationallize my predicament but i dont need **** like that from a self ritious soccer mom just jumping in mid way ! Good bye and thanks again !
 
Old 05-21-2012, 08:09 AM
 
Location: Florida
7,250 posts, read 6,278,826 times
Reputation: 5905
I understand by what you have shared that your bike and biking events are your passion, relaxation and fun. You are an adult and all adults need a healthy recreational outlet whether it's biking, softball, fishing, hunting, snowmobiling, etc. I'm a parent and I do not agree about getting rid of your bike - all I see is that you will end up harboring resentment over it. Having a baby does not mean you have to lose yourself. If you lose yourself, what kind of man and parent will that make you?? For you to be at your best, it's important for you to feel complete too. What she needs and wants is important, as well, and some sort of middle ground must be sought. IMO, telling a guy he needs to ditch the bike is the same as telling him that he needs to rid of his boat or snowmobile. I understand how a man's toys and a mans hobby may cause a sort of insecurity in some woman. I've seen it before. No woman wants to feel left behind. I suspect this may play into your wife's feelings, especially since she is experiencing hormonal changes, most importantly in that, the stage of pregnancy she is in is "Nesting Mode," as someone mentioned already. Translation: She is in "100% family mode." Hard force field to break through.

Yes, a kid coming will bring changes to your life. That does not mean you [or her] has to become an old, boring shoe. It's all about finding the new perfect balance and making new agreements with your wife for your future as a family to where you are both satisfied and she feels confident and secure. Like you said in your post, you want her to be with you when you go - and she does not know it now, but in 5-6 months, she'll be begging to get a babysitter for a night out to get a break from the baby.

Proceed with caution, lay low and built her emotional security up a bit. Remain diplomatic on this issue for now and familiarize yourself with "mental jiujitsu."









Compromise, compromise, compromise.
 
Old 05-21-2012, 08:14 AM
Status: "Vacation!" (set 19 hours ago)
 
Location: The Millennial Republic of Arlington, Virginia
14,491 posts, read 16,182,858 times
Reputation: 14508
Quote:
Originally Posted by JeepGirl118 View Post
I understand by what you have shared that your bike and biking events are your passion, relaxation and fun. You are an adult and all adults need a healthy recreational outlet whether it's biking, softball, fishing, hunting, snowmobiling, etc. I'm a parent and I do not agree about getting rid of your bike - all I see is that you will end up harboring resentment over it. Having a baby does not mean you have to lose yourself. If you lose yourself, what kind of man and parent will that make you?? For you to be at your best, it's important for you to feel complete too. What she needs and wants is important, as well, and some sort of middle ground must be sought. IMO, telling a guy he needs to ditch the bike is the same as telling him that he needs to rid of his boat or snowmobile. I understand how a man's toys and a mans hobby may cause a sort of insecurity in some woman. I've seen it before. No woman wants to feel left behind. I suspect this may play into your wife's feelings, especially since she is experiencing hormonal changes, most importantly in that, the stage of pregnancy she is in is "Nesting Mode," as someone mentioned already. Translation: She is in "100% family mode." Hard force field to break through.

Yes, a kid coming will bring changes to your life. That does not mean you [or her] has to become an old, boring shoe. It's all about finding the new perfect balance and making new agreements with your wife for your future as a family to where you are both satisfied and she feels confident and secure. Like you said in your post, you want her to be with you when you go - and she does not know it now, but in 5-6 months, she'll be begging to get a babysitter for a night out to get a break from the baby.

Proceed with caution, lay low and built her emotional security up a bit. Remain diplomatic on this issue for now and familiarize yourself with "mental jiujitsu."









Compromise, compromise, compromise.
I think this here is the most balanced and sensible post on the thread and the best way for the OP to proceed.
 
Old 05-21-2012, 08:15 AM
 
7,630 posts, read 3,963,701 times
Reputation: 14365
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just4fun31 View Post
Chessemom- look some people are harder o talk to than others and my wife is extremely hard to talk to normally let alone pregnant !! I dont need ur **** i asked a question and if your oppinion doesnt have any feedback to that question c yourself out ! Who are u to say that ? Its our 1st child we werent planning on having any and shes either an emmotional wreck or telling me how things are going to be including what to do with my hobbies ! All i asked was if i was totally out of line by thinking i didnt need to give it up entirely and if others thought she would mellow after baby comes or stay this way ?? I bet u an ur marriage are perfect huh ? I tell ya thanks to everyone's pos or neg thoughts on this matter alot of it has helped me rationallize my predicament but i dont need **** like that from a self ritious soccer mom just jumping in mid way ! Good bye and thanks again !
I have no opinion on what you should do as far as your biker lifestyle, but could I at least convince you not to home school?
 
Old 05-21-2012, 08:16 AM
 
Location: NC
14,040 posts, read 7,086,360 times
Reputation: 10803
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
So what you're saying is that riding a motorcycle is more important to you than the welfare of your family. Do I have that right? You may say that the bike comes second, but the title of this thread says something different.

Hey. Nobody likes giving things up to start a family. But the truth is, that's just life. It's not a death sentence. It's more like a transition from one thing to the next.

Here's what you do. You tell your wife that you understand her worries. At the same time, you don't want to give up riding completely. Work out a compromise, for crying out loud. Does nobody on this board know the meaning of the word?
I agree with you 100%

I'd also like to point out that this baby wasn't planned, and it was decided that you would move forward with it.

She KNOWS her life is going to change...there is no way to stop that. What she may be hearing from you though, is that you don't plan on making any changes to your life (you said you are still going to continue to do all your riding and such) and that's why she's panicing and putting limits on all of this.

I'm sure she feels like she is going to be sitting home, caring for this baby while you are out doing your thing. Hopefully there will be times when she can go out and do her thing while you stay home with the baby. It sounds to me like that is her fear...she loses her life while you still have yours. Your post is very "me, me, me" so if that's how you have communicated it to her, I can see why she's upset.

Of course you don't have to give up your passions, we never did and we've got 4 kids and no family around to babysit, but we made it work. But you do have to realize that it's not going to be the same as it is now. You WILL have a child that you are responsible for and your life is going to have to reflect that change if you want to be a decent parent.
 
Old 05-21-2012, 08:23 AM
 
Location: SF Bay Area
11,743 posts, read 6,007,374 times
Reputation: 8731
Wait until the baby comes and see what happens. Life will change for you both but a lot more for her (some women get pissed off at this). Be understanding and reassuring with her. Help out with the baby as much as you can and don't stop riding. You will both adjust in time.
 
Old 05-21-2012, 08:23 AM
 
1,897 posts, read 1,806,044 times
Reputation: 2552
I'd cut her some slack and communicate better with her. Instead of complaining, compromise. You're both going to have to.
 
Old 05-21-2012, 08:27 AM
 
Location: San Gabriel Valley, CA
11,639 posts, read 11,776,650 times
Reputation: 7778
Don't other bikers have children? How do they do it? I would ask friends how they manage. Seriously. Your wife is in "responsibility" mode but sort of over the top about it -- NOT uncommon during pregnancy. You two can find a happy medium. You can be a great parent and have some fun. ETA: I'm a parent and a very responsible one. Yes, you make sacrifices; a lot of them. But if you eliminate absolutely everything you loved before the baby came, you'll be resentful and life will be very, very hard. Find a balance.
 
Old 05-21-2012, 08:33 AM
 
79 posts, read 37,020 times
Reputation: 45
Thx Jeepgirl118 !!! I really hope i can go with ur post and afew others and this will all find its happy medium !
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