U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 1.5 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Jump to a detailed profile or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Business Search - 14 Million verified businesses
Search for:  near: 
Closed Thread Start New Thread
 
Old 05-21-2012, 03:29 AM
 
79 posts, read 41,543 times
Reputation: 45

Advertisements

Need some opinions , wife is 6months pregnant and we are excited about the baby but is was unexpected and not really in our plans ? We have been married 6 yrs together 10 . Im a biker meaning my recreation of choice is riding my harley, we have always rode , partied, went to local biker gatherings and poker runs . No clubs or anything but ur getting the pic. Now she has changed , she gets mad if i ride anywhere except work , she doesnt want me riding with my buddies ( all married) i was informed im not allowed at biker events without her (she's made it clear she is done with them too) cant be in a bar even if its only for a poker run event , and has mentioned i should just sell my bike !!! I have rode a harley since i was 17 ? Whats going on ??? Im very helpfull and our home, and anything she needs , even spending time with her always comes 1st bike is 2nd so dont get wrong imperssion this is a couple saturdays a month kinda thing !!! What's everyones take on this ??

 
Old 05-21-2012, 04:34 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
26,069 posts, read 17,331,678 times
Reputation: 31127
she is already in mother mode. her life is about to change in ways you can't even imagine and she wants to make sure you realize your life will change as well. She is worried for your safety, fidelity, priorities. All these things are natural and in keeping with nature's way of protecting the young.

this is a huge commitment and you need to see how much is expected of you. After awhile she might become more relaxed but right now she is extremely hormonal, and afraid for herself and her child.
Be kind and affection and understanding. And realize you now have a family and some changes are necessary especially while she is feeling so vulnerable.
 
Old 05-21-2012, 04:39 AM
 
Location: The Present
1,996 posts, read 2,082,031 times
Reputation: 1862
what's going on?
have you forgotten why you have a sack?

don't comply, if your wife wasn't so far along i'd say go for the abortion.

You've been riding your bike a long time I'm guessing, it's something that's apart of you. Be a man, have a spine and tell your wife to back off.
 
Old 05-21-2012, 04:49 AM
 
Location: The front porch outside of the Astral Plane
18,883 posts, read 11,107,357 times
Reputation: 29178
Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
she is already in mother mode. her life is about to change in ways you can't even imagine and she wants to make sure you realize your life will change as well. She is worried for your safety, fidelity, priorities. All these things are natural and in keeping with nature's way of protecting the young.

this is a huge commitment and you need to see how much is expected of you. After awhile she might become more relaxed but right now she is extremely hormonal, and afraid for herself and her child.
Be kind and affection and understanding. And realize you now have a family and some changes are necessary especially while she is feeling so vulnerable.
That is a bunch of crap in my opinion, she is being beyond testy and using the hormones of pregnancy as an excuse to be that way.

I agree she is going to be a wee bit Motherly and naturally worrid about safety, injury etc but to "forbid" a grown man to go to a poker run and tell him to just sell the bike is going way overboard and there is no excuse for being like that.

In my opinion there is no reason why you should give up the harley or quit doing things you would normally do with your wife just because she is pregnant. My kids were on the bike going riding, to poker runs, and going to dirt bike races in utero until I could no longer fit on the seat behind my husband because I got too big with baby to fit. Tell your wife she is always welcome to come along with you like she always has however, if she chooses to stay home that is HER choice then go on to the event. If she wishes to join you later great, if not, great. There is no way I would sell the Harley or quit doing what I normally do just because she is pregnant and being completely unreasonable.
 
Old 05-21-2012, 04:52 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
22,152 posts, read 16,752,667 times
Reputation: 11623
Grow a pair of vegetables here. You are about to become a father. Start acting like one. Sorry but the party is over. It's time to grow up.

Having children, completely, changes your life. She's preparing for the arrival of YOUR child. Are you? You seem to want to preserve your lifestyle when your lifestyle has to change now. You had your party time. Now it's time to be a dad.

If I had to guess, she fears you will not live up to your end of this bargain....and from your post here, I'd say she has reason to worry. Yes, she's pushing it but she's nesting and hormonal. She needs reassurance that you are going to man up and be a father and, I'm sorry to say, that means the party is over.
 
Old 05-21-2012, 04:57 AM
 
79 posts, read 41,543 times
Reputation: 45
Im just getting the impresion that she has decided that all the things we used to do are a closed chapter in her life now b/c of the baby and i know life is about to change for both of us and those activities may become few and far between for yrs to come but non-existant is not going to work for me ! Im trying to just go with the flow through out the pregnancy but there are a couple events coming up that i have never missed and even trying to find some middle ground by saying i will only go for a few hrs and that i'll only have a couple drinks or even leave bike home and drive truck so she could go along just to see friends and she just stubornly says NO ?? She has had a good pregnancy thus far but the lack of affection among other things between us that i had just blamed on hormones and self consiousness about her looks i am now thinking is a way to say im not happy with the life style im refusing to give up ?? And like before its nothing excessive or over the top just who i am !!
 
Old 05-21-2012, 05:07 AM
 
79 posts, read 41,543 times
Reputation: 45
As for the pary being over , umm just because you have a child your suposed to sell out , buy a mini van , and never go have a good time again ! Come on ... 1/2 the people at these events are good parents , the kids are at grandmas for the night and alittle of that has to be good for everyone involved ?? I keep a beautiful home, a good job w/ tons of OT and the family and household always come 1st but that bike , the life style and friends are who she fell in love with whats the prob now ?? Most of the poker runs regardless of where they start (bars) are raising money for local families and other charity !! So i dont think ur post of party is over is realistic , sorry ...
 
Old 05-21-2012, 05:15 AM
 
79 posts, read 41,543 times
Reputation: 45
Perfect example - i mentioned a local HD dealer was hosting a bike night at a bar , live band, burn out contest , just clean fun . I said i'd like to ride there with some buddies but i'd be home early since she didnt want to go ? She has been to tons of these things before and this time says so is it a booby event ? I laughed and said whats that ? She said i know where everyone gets trashed and all the girls take thier shirts off!!! Really ... Its a bar with an outdoor area for the events in the middle of town and i'd be home before dark ! I didnt even have a response ,her comment was ridiculous but thats how she answers me ??
 
Old 05-21-2012, 05:47 AM
 
79 posts, read 41,543 times
Reputation: 45
I do appreciate all the differences in opinions but i guess my question is am i acting in the wrong for thinking this way , and also do u think she will come out of this and be herself again ?? And selling bike isnt even being discussed , glad to hear u say that CSD610.. Should i start standing my ground now or wait till after the baby comes and she starts to get her hormones back to normal 1st and then see how she is ??
 
Old 05-21-2012, 06:01 AM
 
Location: The Great State of Arkansas
5,982 posts, read 10,985,850 times
Reputation: 7246
She's never going to be 'herself' again, and in a perfect world, neither will you. Parenthood changes you, it just changes the woman first. Yes, she's nesting. Yes, she is preparing to be the best mother in the world. Yes, she thinks her pregnancy should come first. I would imagine she has a little trepidation going on, too; anything could happen and she depends on you to be there for her, not yukking it up with your buddies. As far as feeling self-conscious, she has good reason. I'm sure she is beautiful (so tell her so!), but along about now is when (some) women stop adoring the bump and feel their body will never be the same again. It's a girl thing and you wouldn't understand. I don't say that to be ugly, just a fact. You really cannot understand. She might also be terrified something is going to happen to you while you're biking. Whether her fears and concerns are reasonable or not matters very little - they are hers even if she doesn't verbalize them.

Just4fun - here's the deal. You will never, ever live these days again, the days of awaiting the birth of your first child, the birth itself, and the wonder of new life. Give up yourself for just a little while. Sorry that you miss a summer of biking, but there will be others. Keep the bike, put it in the garage, and immerse yourself in something totally new. It will be appreciated by your wife. Next summer you can be one of the great biker parents - in the meantime, planned or not, your life is gonna change. And you had a part in that change....

I think she needs you to share her excitement, and this is one of those times when you just need to slap on that smile, try to listen and participate, but at the very least nod your head like a bobble-headed doll, hug her, and hold her close. She needs you, and I think that's what this is all about. She's excited, scared and nervous, and you're gone to a biker run and her head is going 90 to nothing. Be there for her - I'd bet she'll loosen up with time.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread

Over $84,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:41 AM.

2005-2014, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 - Top