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Unread 05-21-2012, 08:03 PM
 
45,462 posts, read 29,669,790 times
Reputation: 19872
I agree with the above post -- not many guys aged 23 are ready to become step-fathers. It's not just the mother in this relationship, it's the mother and the child. The age isn't significant but the life-experiences very likely are.

And older guy with fatherhood experience would be a better bet.
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Unread 05-21-2012, 08:14 PM
 
Location: Texas
391 posts, read 253,292 times
Reputation: 478
[quote=jljbos;24401863]So...Im a 28 year old female and I have been dating a 23 year old male./quote]

5 years is not a huge age difference; however, at his age that 5 years
can make a significant difference...

Quote:
he said he would like one but he is not ready to be in one yet.
...such as him not being interested in settling with one person just yet.
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Unread 05-21-2012, 08:18 PM
 
29,891 posts, read 15,031,019 times
Reputation: 15398
Don't waste your time OP!
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Unread 05-21-2012, 08:24 PM
 
Location: Boonieville
1,408 posts, read 496,021 times
Reputation: 1272
He's already stated he's "not ready for a relationship yet." I think that's code for, "I like you, not in a long-term relationships" kinda way.

You can stick it out and wait for him, but if your goal doesn't match his, the feeling doesn't seem mutual. It saves much more heartache/headache in the end when you really look at it. Better now than later.
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Unread 05-21-2012, 11:23 PM
 
Location: San Gabriel Valley, CA
11,491 posts, read 11,156,770 times
Reputation: 7687
Quote:
Originally Posted by JosephV55 View Post

5 years is not a huge age difference; however, at his age that 5 years
can make a significant difference...



.
I feel this way about age differences too. If she were 35 and he were 30 it would be something different altogether.

23 is awfully young (no offense to any 23-year-olds out there). I mean no matter how you slice it...it's young. It's definitely young for considering becoming a father figure to someone else's children.
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Unread 05-21-2012, 11:29 PM
 
658 posts, read 511,288 times
Reputation: 703
It's still too early to make that decision. Continue to talk for a month tops, then pull back a little, see if he chases. That's the best course of action in my opinion.
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Unread 05-22-2012, 12:20 AM
 
Location: State of Alert
25,784 posts, read 11,751,382 times
Reputation: 16978
This guy isn't ready, but I've seen remarkably mature 25-year olds who did marry women with kids or a kid. But your guy is only 23, and he was clear with you that he's not ready for a committed relationship (he's already in one with you, it just isn't a committed one). So there you go. He might be ready 2-3 years from now, but he's not ready now. So you can spend a couple of years looking for someone who's ready, and if you don't find that someone, and your current guy is available and interested down the road, you could give it another try. Or...not.
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Unread 05-23-2012, 02:00 AM
 
1,779 posts, read 1,148,689 times
Reputation: 1142
The good thing that I see here is that he is being honest and telling you that he is not ready for a serious relationship and you should respect and understand that. He could of very well misled you but chose not to and was honest in expressing his feelings, he obviously respects and appreciates you. One thing that you could do is to take things slower. He is 23 and might be overwhelmed with so many things that he is just not used to like going out with someone that is slightly older and already has a child.
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Unread 05-23-2012, 08:54 AM
 
674 posts, read 409,056 times
Reputation: 554
Quote:
Originally Posted by maddog1 View Post
Set a time , say 30 days and see if it starts heading towards relationship. Whatever time frame you choose , be sure to not fall in love so you can stick to it.
No, don't do this. It's setting ultimatums for yourself and for him. It won't end well with this.

I would say try to maintain some flexibility, but don't set your heart on him.

If he's not ready for a relationship, you can spend time with him if you enjoy it but set boundaries that you don't want to take it too far if you're not comfortable. I would also keep your options open and date other men if you have the opportunity to do so. You've already had the exclusivity discussion and he made himself clear where he stands so there should be no confusion on your end, you are free to do what you please.

If you like him and want to keep him around or on the backburner in case he changes his mind then feel free to do so. If it's a deal breaker for you and don't want to see him unless it's to work toward a relationship then that's your choice as well.

Do what makes you happy.
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Unread 05-23-2012, 02:20 PM
 
325 posts, read 211,851 times
Reputation: 315
Quote:
Originally Posted by jljbos View Post
So...Im a 28 year old female and I have been dating a 23 year old male. We get along great, have a lit of fun together, no complaints. We have been seeing each other steadily for about six weeks. This whole thing is really very strange to me because I have never ever dated anyone younger than me. I also have kids, he does not. I am just sort of wondering if I should continue seeing him because Im not sure if this is going to lead into a relationship, because ultimately that is what I want. We did talk about this and he said he would like one but he is not ready to be in one yet. So should I keep seeing him and hoping he will reach that point or try to give my time dating to someone else who might actually be ready for a relationship? I told him that I wasn't asking him to be in one with me at this exact point, but I wanted to know if that was his goal in dating me.
Either you want a relationship or you don't.
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