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Old 06-03-2012, 03:05 PM
 
17 posts, read 10,246 times
Reputation: 10

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What I meant was intern at 11AM the next day, well it's not next day, just few hours later.
I don't think there's any internship starting at 11 at night

There are other things to consider as well; like got home, and it would take time to get really sleeping, deep sleeping. Then, in the morning, it takes time to get ready and traveling to the intern place. So it will take another 3 hours easy.
So lack of rest on the first day of intern.

Another thought is we just recently have two deaths in between both of our family due to cancer.
We talked about it and found out this article:
Liver Cancer (Cancer)

One of the main reason is sleeping to late and not having breakfast.
It's about what you saw is what you reap.
What we do now will be affecting later on.
So, it's not a mater of how young, strong, smart or anything like that, but being wise and learn from the surrounding to effectively move toward the better of us, stepping to another learning level.

The problem is I understand that she's a spontaneous person, though I would like to remind her that it takes readiness to be ready on the next day too. Due to spontaneous character, it makes her not aware or really know what she's committing until the next day, which is yesterday that she's just totally drained. She told me she has limping leg last night and lower back pain due to the 8 hours shift work yesterday. She also told me that she could not sleep well; she kept on waking up every 1 to 1.5 hours, she was not sure if any of these causing her not being able to sleep well: she's staying over at her friend, too excited for the intern, which I glad if that's the case, or she knew that she has only 3-4 hours sleep to her intern time and afraid that she can not wake up on time.

Btw, all I am asking here is to have a positive critic that can help me.
You are welcome to critic me just to make me feel bad, but the question is...
How do you help me? Hope you are just not venting out your negative critic just to release your own tension within your problem.

Thanks so much for your thoughtfulness...
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Old 06-03-2012, 03:39 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
14,864 posts, read 27,462,434 times
Reputation: 19578
If you have any kind of church affiliation, I would contact them to see if they have any pre-marital counseliing. Most churches (especially the Catholics - called Pre-Cana) offer excellent programs which have been developed and designed to address the specific issue of communication problems.

Men and women communicate differently. Many of the problems in a relationship could be avoided if more people understood this. If you cannot (or don't want to) participate in a faith-based program, then I suggest you buy a copy of "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" which will cover this (and many other important topics), and have both of you read it.

best of luck

20yrsinBranson
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Old 06-03-2012, 03:45 PM
 
Location: The State Line
2,123 posts, read 2,779,812 times
Reputation: 2400
You're getting the positive critique; you're just not satisfied with the responses. You can't claim to be open to critique, yet get defensive and feel the need to over explain because you disagree with the response.

Your intentions may be well, but you are coming across as a parental figure by telling her how she should live her life, which is likely what annoys her. Your girlfriend is old enough and capable of making her own decisions. You might disagree, but it's her choice if she wishes to stay out late.

I know you don't want to hear this, but you two are at different stages in life; I think you should be with someone of a similar stage in life as you, or is more mature.
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Old 06-03-2012, 05:06 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
21,388 posts, read 14,091,964 times
Reputation: 30167
There are enough medical studies to cover that anything and everything can be bad for you. But it's no fun living in a plastic bubble. I'm sure someone could go to your house and go through your cabinets and find something that can be bad for you, same with your eating, or exercising....

I had read before that the sleep before midnight was the most restorative. Is it true? I don't know. But some people are natural born night owls - hubby was one. Heck, he'd be going to sleep when I was waking up.

Your posts come across that you don't want her out too late, and "for her own good" is your defense.
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Old 06-03-2012, 05:13 PM
 
Location: So Cal
37,464 posts, read 34,719,865 times
Reputation: 37641
Get yourself a grown up.

Too big of an age difference. People that are 22 or 23 are still developing so to speak.
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Old 06-03-2012, 05:15 PM
 
17 posts, read 10,246 times
Reputation: 10
Well, I deeply appreciate all of you chipping in your thoughts…

Ok… I might use wrong term, sorry about that.
May be yes, I am getting some positive critiques,; But what I meant was, I am hoping not treating this discussion as how we treat gossip - just talk about it, know how the situation involved, but no conclusion nor solution.

To make it more clearer: I am hoping for possible scenario / solution. Though, I do not want to hear these kinds of solution: find a different person with the same level, finding another media or forum to help, or something like that.

As I mentioned on my very first posting, I understood what I am getting into about the age gap. Then after few post from you all, I also learned and accepted that we are in different maturity levels.
The point being is I do not need stressing point on those because I hear you... loud, crystal and clear.

Though, the key point is, I am in it, I understood the consequences and I want all three sides: both of us, her and I, to make the effort to work on.
I understood it will take time and patience effort to work on it, but I do not believe it is impossible. I do want to make the effort and clicking skip on this part of the problem chapter as Adam Sandler in the movie “Click” clicking skip button on his remote .

Yes, I have well intention, yes, I admitted that I have a strong push toward her to a point that she's annoyed by my action, yes, I understood that she's her own-self and capable to make her own decisions.

ok...now what ?

She knew and admitted that she understood my point of view as well. Though, for her it is hard to break her routine as being spontaneous doing things and not being considerate to whatever is happening, either her-own or mine.

I know she’s also frustrated not being able to meet my level of expectation to be good – taking care of her own agenda to a realistic one. She said she agreed that she’s lacking on that, but she also resisting following my structured planning characteristic.

So… what is the possible solution to make it work? What do I need to do to make her not in a stressful living? Then, what does she need to do to help herself not in what she’s in and still being able to manage her own feeling not being stressful as well.

Thanks much for your time and thoughts.
I really appreciate it.

Last edited by MiaoMiao; 06-03-2012 at 05:44 PM..
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Old 06-03-2012, 05:30 PM
 
17 posts, read 10,246 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
There are enough medical studies to cover that anything and everything can be bad for you. But it's no fun living in a plastic bubble. I'm sure someone could go to your house and go through your cabinets and find something that can be bad for you, same with your eating, or exercising....

I had read before that the sleep before midnight was the most restorative. Is it true? I don't know. But some people are natural born night owls - hubby was one. Heck, he'd be going to sleep when I was waking up.
I agree with you about there are lots of things can be bad.
I understand that we have our own choice to choose bad food, bad habits, or anything bad.
Though, I also learned that we need to be able to learn as well to not consistently keep on doing bad things.

I know McDonald is bad, I know Coke is bad, but I still eating and drinking those. BUT not everyday... not every weekend... once in a while is ok.

Our God is merciful, but come on...
you better not keep on doing bad things to anybody, and to yourself because it will come back to you sooner or later.

Common sense is required...
If we know there's a hole and we've been in one, aren't you going to learn to remember not to fall in that hole again? It does not stop us to fall in the hole by mistake or accidentally, but we try to learn, don't we ? If we fall for the second one, are we giving up ? I hope not.

Please read the article on the liver cancer that I posted earlier, hope your hubby is learning from it.
There's reason why it is dark outside at night and bright in the morning.
I believe everything made perfectly and work wonderfully for reasons.
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Old 06-03-2012, 05:44 PM
 
Location: The State Line
2,123 posts, read 2,779,812 times
Reputation: 2400
I don't understand: You titled this thread "To split or to keep". Most of us are agreeing that you should split. Now you claim you don't want to hear responses that imply you should split? Did you really want advice, or did you just expect people to tell you what you wanted to hear, when it's clear you don't realize you're acting more like a parent to her than a lover (and it's not helpful for either of you)?

I don't know why people ask for advice when they can't be objective...?
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Old 06-03-2012, 05:49 PM
 
17 posts, read 10,246 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by LexWest View Post
I don't understand: You titled this thread "To split or to keep". Most of us are agreeing that you should split. Now you claim you don't want to hear responses that imply you should split? Did you really want advice, or did you just expect people to tell you what you wanted to hear, when it's clear you don't realize you're acting more like a parent to her than a lover (and it's not helpful for either of you)?

I don't know why people ask for advice when they can't be objective...?
Hahahha This is definitely silly me..
Sorry people...

I guess.... I have a chance of heart and mind..
After reading many of your posts, I think I can manage to stay with her, but I need your help on figuring out things.

I admitted... and sorry if I change my mind.

Any way to change the title of the thread ?
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Old 06-03-2012, 06:05 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
21,388 posts, read 14,091,964 times
Reputation: 30167
Well.... she feels you act like a parent, and so do some of us....

What's your plan to change that?
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