Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-23-2012, 09:54 AM
 
9,229 posts, read 8,521,006 times
Reputation: 14765

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicegurl View Post
I think that once a guy starts to show that he is no longer interested in a woman by pulling away, then the woman should let go and move forward, because the writing is on the wall and it's just a matter of time before he moves on... Do you agree or disagree?
I think it depends on the man, the woman, and the circumstances. What might be a "not interested" pulling away could also be a "troubled about something else" pulling away.

I believe relationships are about relating. Too many draw into themselves when they are facing a difficulty, because we don't know how to express our emotions, or are afraid of the other's reactions.

At the end of the day, every relationship is unique to the two people in the relationship, and no one else can say what is or is not the thing to do.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-23-2012, 10:01 AM
 
1,259 posts, read 1,833,199 times
Reputation: 1141
Quote:
Originally Posted by LookinForMayberry View Post
I think it depends on the man, the woman, and the circumstances. What might be a "not interested" pulling away could also be a "troubled about something else" pulling away.

I believe relationships are about relating. Too many draw into themselves when they are facing a difficulty, because we don't know how to express our emotions, or are afraid of the other's reactions.

At the end of the day, every relationship is unique to the two people in the relationship, and no one else can say what is or is not the thing to do.
I agree with this. I have had every ex of mine who walked away from me, eventually ask or beg to come back. Literally, 3 out of 3. Completely depends on the situation. They were all 3 completely different guys too. Just didn't realize what they had until it was gone.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-23-2012, 10:38 AM
 
900 posts, read 1,699,767 times
Reputation: 489
^^^ if they want to go , let them go , things aren't always what they seem. Wait , observe. And you ^^^^^ you sound like me. Be careful. The 4th is a kilker. Don't take someone back who has left. He'll leave again.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-23-2012, 11:15 AM
 
Location: Way up high
22,244 posts, read 29,276,194 times
Reputation: 31318
Let 'em fly
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-23-2012, 11:39 AM
 
Location: Dallas
1,006 posts, read 732,532 times
Reputation: 1232
I'm actually experiencing something similar at this very moment. She has a lot of issues from being molested as a kid and two verbally (one physically and verbally) abusive relationships. By nature I'm a calm person. Shouting, cursing and saying hurtful things simply to invoke emotions in my partner is not my style. Shes an amazing person but has significant anger issue that stem from constant abuse at the hands of men.

Everyone can see her changing daily and shes far more calm and at peace with me but I'm afraid that I may have reached a point in which I simply can't deal with it anymore. I don't want to be another disappointment in her life and she treats me extremely well when shes not upset. Very attentive, always willing to help with anything I have going on, we spend much of our time exploring things that were not an option in other relationships.

I have't lost any love that was initially there, I'm just growing weary of the 5-10 minute spazz sessions and insecurities that she constantly acts on. If she made a drastic change or even a subtle but noticeable one I'd be totally reinvigorated and willing to try. But as of now I'm exhausted.

So to answer OP's question, I don't think its all or nothing. I haven't lost interest per se but I'm exhausted by the routines that put us at odds. She could totally sway me in the other directions if the effort was applied because I have no desire to break up.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-23-2012, 11:55 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,711 posts, read 11,714,133 times
Reputation: 7604
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicegurl View Post
although there are articles that state that a woman can do things to turn his feelings around, I think that once a guy starts to show that he is no longer interested in a woman by pulling away, then the woman should let go and move forward, because the writing is on the wall and it's just a matter of time before he moves on...

Do you agree or disagree?
yea she should pack up and move on. Who wants to sit around trying to "pull" someone back into a relationship? If they aren't interested, let them go.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-24-2012, 08:49 AM
 
172 posts, read 393,725 times
Reputation: 118
Thanks for the comments everyone!

The boyfriend has started a new job and also is trying to wrap up clients from his side business. Therefore, I understand that he is very busy and does not have the time to spend with me that he used to, but he has also become unusually distant. When I try to show him affection--such as kiss and hug him, he pulls away and turns his head to the side so that I can kiss him on the cheek instead. When I question his behavior, or try to talk about our relationship, he says that I always want to talk about our relationship. When I do this, he says my talking our relationship so much pushes him away. This is a Catch 22 situation, because the reason why I want to talk about our relationship is because he seems to be pulling away. With that said, he is always talking about his jobs and his clients, which makes me feel as though I am in a one-sided conversation (he's an engineer and I don't understand a lot of the technical stuff that he talks about). I have told him (in a nice way) that I would rather talk about other things instead of always talking about his job. So we have a agreement: we will both stop talking about our relationship so much and enjoy it, and he will stop talking about his job so much. In spite of his distant and standoffish behavior, he has told me that he loves me, and wants to make the relationship work. My late mother use to always say that actions speak louder than words, so I am paying more attention to what he does than what he says.

Realizing that people are who they are (not who I want them to be), I have re-focused my attention on myself, and am doing things that make me feel happy and fulfilled. This includes doing things with friends, joining social activities, and seeing a therapist to deal with my own issues of insecurity and fear of rejection/failure in relationships. So even if this relationship doesn't work out, my goal is to be a better person for the next one.

Interestingly enough the boyfriend has started to pay more attention, and is curious about what I am doing when we are not together. We are supposed to go camping over the Memorial Day weekend...so it will be interesting to see how that goes.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-24-2012, 09:19 AM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,126 posts, read 10,089,681 times
Reputation: 11796
I think sometimes people just need a little space to figure things out. And guys think differently than women and I don't think they are as good at balancing a lot of different things going on at once. Meaning if he's busy at work it's probably consuming and he's having a hard time balancing work with his personal life.

I think focusing on yourself is really good. But I know that can be easier said than done. I have a lot of the same fears as you. I take rejection very personally and I'm always waiting for the bottom to drop out on my relationships because I expect disappointment. It makes me over analyze things and it ruins my ability to be happy in the moment because I'm always waiting for things to go bad. Everyone has baggage and flaws. But if you take ownership of your issues and take steps to work on them then you're headed in the right direction.

I hope you and your boyfriend can get on the same page. Good luck!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-24-2012, 10:13 AM
 
Location: Where Dance Music comes first
1,904 posts, read 2,983,182 times
Reputation: 2260
Quote:
Originally Posted by BKSnook View Post
In general men tend to think and act in black and white, so if he starts losing interest he's probably already uninterested.
That doesn't make any sense.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-24-2012, 10:20 AM
 
1,133 posts, read 2,278,941 times
Reputation: 1247
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raging-Hetero View Post
That doesn't make any sense.
Oh sorry, let me put it in layman's terms for you.

"so if he starts losing interest, he's probably already uninterested"

means

"if he starts showing that he's losing interest, he's not really on the fence, he already is uninterested and is just taking his time demonstrating his lack of interest in you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:57 PM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top