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Wow, your data is really off. Check the US Census Bureau stats on remarriage.
I thought this was off , too. And to clarify , I did not cheat on my H , cheated on the boyfriend before him. I feel I have been used.by men. I like men and if I am shown one who is decent , I will be decent in return. Im all about self protection at this point.
You and I just aren't communicating , understanding eachother properly. You are so hostile towards me because I admit I cheated once (like 15 years ago , not that it is excusable) Yes the world has double standards. It is a man's world. I can date and not sleep with lots of men. I can be a tease player. Last thing Id want to be is a dumb tramp. You may already judge me to be one from one error. The place I was at in life then was a lot better than where Im at now. I divorced an alcoholic. Enough info for you? And he was better than the womanizer I bent over backwards for afterwards. I didn't post to get you worked up , I apologize if my views have upset you. What works for some standard poiticaly correct answers do not work for all. My intent is to get the ladies thinking and not just casually divorcing. My "story" the recent one , is a cautionary tale of the grass not being greener. I wish you well.
No, I'm not judging you nor am I hostile. What I'm saying is that you are advocating something that worked only for you. If you want to give advice then that's great but without saying where it all stemmed from and just saying "cheat before you divorce" really isn't the solution. I'm sorry you were married to an alcoholic. No one deserves that but you said it was from boredom. Those aren't the same thing. I absolutely agree that no one, not just women, should divorce casually. My SIL didn't want to casually divorce. Her ex-husband gave her such a story that her head was swimming. Ultimately he moved the whole family away for his benefit so he could be closer to the woman he was cheating with. He left his wife for this woman only to leave her as well. My SIL tried everything in her power to keep him but he kept feeding her lies. My BIL found it was easy to divorce his wife because she wouldn't give him all the attention he demanded. He wants sex and the constant affection 24/7. He left her for another woman only to leave her as well and he's been continuing that pattern for years. Cheating doesn't solve anything-that's all I'm trying to get at.
Divorce is devastating on children. If you can hold out for the children, do. And being a single parent is no fun at all.
But divorcing someone when it is time is one of the best things you can do for yourself in terms of your growth - but it will take a toll on the family, on the finances and you won't have a built-in family or "support system." No one to help you do anything and that can be a difficult road to hoe.
No, I'm not judging you nor am I hostile. What I'm saying is that you are advocating something that worked only for you. If you want to give advice then that's great but without saying where it all stemmed from and just saying "cheat before you divorce" really isn't the solution. I'm sorry you were married to an alcoholic. No one deserves that but you said it was from boredom. Those aren't the same thing. I absolutely agree that no one, not just women, should divorce casually. My SIL didn't want to casually divorce. Her ex-husband gave her such a story that her head was swimming. Ultimately he moved the whole family away for his benefit so he could be closer to the woman he was cheating with. He left his wife for this woman only to leave her as well. My SIL tried everything in her power to keep him but he kept feeding her lies. My BIL found it was easy to divorce his wife because she wouldn't give him all the attention he demanded. He wants sex and the constant affection 24/7. He left her for another woman only to leave her as well and he's been continuing that pattern for years. Cheating doesn't solve anything-that's all I'm trying to get at.
Cheating doesn't solve anything. You are right. And people are going to do what they're going to do. I will protect myself. Id rather be the cheater than the one cheated on. It has been my admittedly limited experience cheaters DO prosper. But they've got to know when they've got something good and stop messing around. Maybe your ex BIL will behave this 3rd time. But probably not and hecould end up alone , unable to get it up. That is what happens to some men. Alcoholism is not exactly boring , but it became so btw.
I will think 100x before marrying and take it serious.
I thought that's how it should be done the first time. I don't even understand the concept of marrying (or moving in together) without thinking, or thinking lightly. How does it even happen? I thought it was obvious that not taking cohabiting seriously ends up bad.
I thought that's how it should be done the first time. I don't even understand the concept of marrying (or moving in together) without thinking, or thinking lightly. How does it even happen? I thought it was obvious that not taking cohabiting seriously ends up bad.
Yes, I did think 100x before getting married. But love is blind. I want to be in love without being a fool. Seems to be a difficult balance.
u r a great poster and very moral person, but like the dr laura post on marriage, u r trying to tell used car dealers to be ethical in their dealings with the public. they dont have your ethics not even near.
For some people, the grass really IS greener on the other side. I'm much happier.
I grew up as a child of 2 people who should have been divorced. I agree it's no fun being a single parent and children are a huge consideration when considering a divorce. However, staying together because of the kids doesn't work all that well either. If you can't be a loving, dedicated, and supportive spouse, much better to move on. Believe me, the kids know and they then grow up thinking their parents relationship is what they should be looking for. And then the whole sad story repeats itself in their lives.
JMHO but I believe for every person who says divorce ruined their lives there's someone else wondering why they waited so long.
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