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Old 05-24-2012, 04:47 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,431 posts, read 34,293,805 times
Reputation: 19814

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I dont agree with the op. My ex husband and I were together for many years, a lot of them very unhappy for me. We were high school sweethearts and engaged for 4 years. That should have given me a clue right there. When we finally got married it was after my father had passed away and our son was just a bit over a year old. I stood at the altar shaking and asking myself what I was doing.

At this point I could not turn away and I thought I had made my bed and it was time to lay in it. We had our little boy and I was possibly pregnant at the time, wasn't quite sure.

We spent our teenaged years trying to prove everyone wrong, trying to prove them that we DID belong together and we were going to make it.

The kids started growing up and I lost my mother and grandmother. His mother was just awful, as was he. He acted as though I was his property and belittled me every step of the way. I finally believed I was the terrible person he said I was. I wasn't as big as an ant and no better that the dirt beneath his feet.

Finally many years later I woke up and started thinking that the way he was treating me wasn't normal and it certainly wasn't right. I started exercising and journaling and the me that existed before we met started to come out. He and his mother started to get scared that I was starting to have a bit of my own power and together did something awful to me.

After what they did, there was no coming back. There was not enough forgiveness in the world that would ever bring me back to him. At this point we had been together for 16 years. I did not get bored and I did not stray from my marriage. I finally was able to leave him and it was the best thing I could have ever done.

Five years later we were finally divorced, the beginning of this month. The circle closed and I felt like that part of my life was finally finished. I could not be at a happier place in my life.

Next weekend we will come together and celebrate together my sons graduation. We get along now and he still tries to control me but I do not allow it. Never again will he control me or abuse me. Unfortunately the many years of this has shown my children that this is a normal way to live and I am so worried that they will not come out of it. He treats them that way and they just think they did something to deserve it.....

It took me many years to realize otherwise and the grass was so much greener on the other side. I may have been living in a big old empty farmhouse and none of us had a bed. He would not even let the kids have their beds. We left the house of shackles and chains and went to the heaven that was the house of chimes......

Many hurdles we had to jump and a couple years later the kids ended back up with him. I had no lawyer and he did. i guess thats how it works. =( I had many of my own hurdles in those years but today I can say I am loved by the most wonderful man possible for me. I am settled and in the evening we come home to one another, smiling.
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Old 05-24-2012, 04:52 AM
 
Location: The Island of Misfit Toys
2,765 posts, read 2,786,713 times
Reputation: 2366
Quote:
Originally Posted by maddog1 View Post
DON'T! This is how the ruin of your life (unless you are really young or he's beating the crap out of you.) starts. First you daydream about being single , you start to focus on what you think you could have. Opposite sex starts becoming more attractive and you leave. (Or cheat , cheating might be the better option so that when you find out the grass isn't greener , you might not have lost anything.) This is why people cheat. Not "ethical" but probably smart. Seriously , the grass is not greener. Don't mess up your life.

A very wise monk once said, "When you are together with someone you have couple suffering and when you are alone you have alone suffering."

When you leave one for the other you are just changing forms of suffering.
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Old 05-24-2012, 07:59 AM
 
900 posts, read 1,699,767 times
Reputation: 489
I am happy you found someone to love. I hope to do the same. Thank you for your response.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikantari View Post
I dont agree with the op. My ex husband and I were together for many years, a lot of them very unhappy for me. We were high school sweethearts and engaged for 4 years. That should have given me a clue right there. When we finally got married it was after my father had passed away and our son was just a bit over a year old. I stood at the altar shaking and asking myself what I was doing.

At this point I could not turn away and I thought I had made my bed and it was time to lay in it. We had our little boy and I was possibly pregnant at the time, wasn't quite sure.

We spent our teenaged years trying to prove everyone wrong, trying to prove them that we DID belong together and we were going to make it.

The kids started growing up and I lost my mother and grandmother. His mother was just awful, as was he. He acted as though I was his property and belittled me every step of the way. I finally believed I was the terrible person he said I was. I wasn't as big as an ant and no better that the dirt beneath his feet.

Finally many years later I woke up and started thinking that the way he was treating me wasn't normal and it certainly wasn't right. I started exercising and journaling and the me that existed before we met started to come out. He and his mother started to get scared that I was starting to have a bit of my own power and together did something awful to me.

After what they did, there was no coming back. There was not enough forgiveness in the world that would ever bring me back to him. At this point we had been together for 16 years. I did not get bored and I did not stray from my marriage. I finally was able to leave him and it was the best thing I could have ever done.

Five years later we were finally divorced, the beginning of this month. The circle closed and I felt like that part of my life was finally finished. I could not be at a happier place in my life.

Next weekend we will come together and celebrate together my sons graduation. We get along now and he still tries to control me but I do not allow it. Never again will he control me or abuse me. Unfortunately the many years of this has shown my children that this is a normal way to live and I am so worried that they will not come out of it. He treats them that way and they just think they did something to deserve it.....

It took me many years to realize otherwise and the grass was so much greener on the other side. I may have been living in a big old empty farmhouse and none of us had a bed. He would not even let the kids have their beds. We left the house of shackles and chains and went to the heaven that was the house of chimes......

Many hurdles we had to jump and a couple years later the kids ended back up with him. I had no lawyer and he did. i guess thats how it works. =( I had many of my own hurdles in those years but today I can say I am loved by the most wonderful man possible for me. I am settled and in the evening we come home to one another, smiling.
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