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Do what you want. It's not normal to feel that way after only a few months.
I noted you ignored the part if you know for sure or are strongly suspect if that condom broke/slipped or not. That is a big key.
At your age the chance of a permanent, forever until you die relationship is very rare so I wouldn't be so trusting, especially since you have only known her for a short amount of time.
I'm out.
Good luck to you.
I didn't ignore the part about the condom - I already addressed it, didn't I? I wrote the likelihood of Grace cheating on me is very unlikely, so what else does that leave? Us being susceptible to the small per cent fail rate of condoms.
Yes, I realise that most of the time, couples that hook up at my age won't grow old together, but so what? Does that mean we should just say, "heck, we're not gonna make it" and go our separate ways? Who knows - yes, maybe in five, ten years' time we'll grow apart, but that's far off into the future and we're currently in the present so we're going to give it a shot. We have strong feels for one another and our genes are now forever entwined so we're going for it.
I didn't ignore the part about the condom - I already addressed it, didn't I? I wrote the likelihood of Grace cheating on me is very unlikely, so what else does that leave? Us being susceptible to the small per cent fail rate of condoms.
Condom failure rate = 15%
Did you really never imagine this could happen?
Quote:
Yes, I realise that most of the time, couples that hook up at my age won't grow old together, but so what? Does that mean we should just say, "heck, we're not gonna make it" and go our separate ways? Who knows - yes, maybe in five, ten years' time we'll grow apart, but that's far off into the future and we're currently in the present so we're going to give it a shot. We have strong feels for one another and our genes are now forever entwined so we're going for it.
After all, what's life without trying?
Breaking up when your child is 5 or 10 years old? Great. You do realize that it is highly likely that if that is the case, another man will come on the scene and he will be raising your kid into adulthood.
I assume you are not even planning to marry.
If you have this little confidence in the future of your relationship, that child should be adopted to a loving family that is in it for the long haul.
SO... If you are totally, 1,000% on board with having this baby, and you are not afraid to tell your parents, and your girlfriend is strong and determined not to let her own parents influence her choice to be with you...
Then what exactly is the problem you are seeking advice on? When you are challenged, you insist that all the decisions have been made and you are prepared for the chips to fall where they may and it's all good.
But, I am getting a lot of mixed messages from your various posts. And I am struck by the idea that this pregnancy has come as such a huge surprise to you both when you were having sex using only a single method of BC with a high failure rate.
I assume you talked about the consequences of pregnancy when you began having sex and chose your method of contraception, and how you would handle the situation of pregnancy. What conclusions did you arrive at?
Again, why are you so freaked out? What do you need help with?
Are you still here? Funny how you just completely ignored how I and another poster exposed the fact that you didn't actually read what I originally wrote, or in fact, just pushed your own agenda to hem I and Grace into the generalisation of being some kind of irresponsible, brain-dead idiots.
After reading about why you're questioning as to why I'm here and as to why I want to discuss this situation with people that may or may not have experienced a similar thing or just want input from others, in a petty bid to try and create a sense of immaturity and inane perceptions within me, I've honestly decided not to respond to your posts. It's just a waste of time and effort.
May I ask where you live? And what the background of Grace's family is? (Socioeconomic, ethnicity beyond white)
I think she needs to be prepared to walk away from them immediately if there is a negative reaction. She's pregnant and the first priority is the baby - the last thing she needs is a bunch of family members giving her grief. People who are adamantly against "race mixing" are usually not very mentally healthy and are often perfectly ok with all sorts of emotional manipulations and whatever.
Just keep reminding her that the baby is her biggest priority and the dysfunctions of her family members are THEIR problem. Treat her well. Don't ask her to choose (you don't sound like you would). Make her feel safe - from what I can tell, the world becomes a much scarier place when you're pregnant for a lot of women.
I grew up with a very close but kinda deranged extended family. Lots of love, but lots of craziness. I walked away from the crazy ones at 34 and haven't looked back. It was kind of like ripping off a band-aid. For all that "love" that was supposedly in my family, when I called them out on their craziness, it was easier for them to let me go than acknowledge it. Her family could come around, but it's really not her problem.
Breaking up when your child is 5 or 10 years old? Great. You do realize that it is highly likely that if that is the case, another man will come on the scene and he will be raising your kid into adulthood.
I assume you are not even planning to marry.
If you have this little confidence in the future of your relationship, that child should be adopted to a loving family that is in it for the long haul.
Why is that not even an option?
If it's used properly?
That's way too high of a failure rate. If that is true I would think the government would shut down the entire industry if the product is made here or forbid sales to U.S. consumers if it's not.
.
Last edited by John13; 05-24-2012 at 06:22 AM..
Reason: clarification
May I ask where you live? And what the background of Grace's family is? (Socioeconomic, ethnicity beyond white)
I think she needs to be prepared to walk away from them immediately if there is a negative reaction. She's pregnant and the first priority is the baby - the last thing she needs is a bunch of family members giving her grief. People who are adamantly against "race mixing" are usually not very mentally healthy and are often perfectly ok with all sorts of emotional manipulations and whatever.
Just keep reminding her that the baby is her biggest priority and the dysfunctions of her family members are THEIR problem. Treat her well. Don't ask her to choose (you don't sound like you would). Make her feel safe - from what I can tell, the world becomes a much scarier place when you're pregnant for a lot of women.
I grew up with a very close but kinda deranged extended family. Lots of love, but lots of craziness. I walked away from the crazy ones at 34 and haven't looked back. It was kind of like ripping off a band-aid. For all that "love" that was supposedly in my family, when I called them out on their craziness, it was easier for them to let me go than acknowledge it. Her family could come around, but it's really not her problem.
Good luck, man.
Hey. I'm African-American but my father got a new job in London when I was 16, so I live in good old England these days. Grace's mother is half American and half English and her father is half Dutch and half German. In regards to the socio-economic status - like my family, Grace comes from a middle class background.
What you write about the baby being the priority is entirely right. That's one of the things that annoys about it all - her mind and body will experience tremendous strain over the coming months and I really don't want her to be plagued by her family's B.S. That's why we just want to resolve the situation and we are as soon as our exams are over. We don't want it dragging out.
I'd never ask her to choose. That's beyond even contemplation. I just want to be there for her and our child. Thank you for sharing your own family experience. It has somewhat enlightened me on the subject. Grace feels the same way in regards to the problem - if her family don't like it, then that's their business. The priority for her, for both of us, is the baby.
We never had unprotected sex - not even once, so you need to hold your horses there. We always used protection. A condom must have unknowingly split - that's the only plausible explanation, because not even in the depths of inebriation, were we stupid enough to have unprotected sex.
And facing MY parents isn't much of a problem - I'll be twenty-three in December and although I know my parents won't be too happy because it's all so sudden, I also know that they'll come round to the idea and they'll love their grandchild. The real problem is HER parents - maybe you haven't exactly discerned and understood exactly how they feel about race-mixing. They absolutely despise it - I'm not too worried about myself on that front. It's Grace that I worry about.
You two sound like two intelligent people here. You write and express yourself very well. BUT WHY WASN'T THIS GIRL ON BIRTH CONTROL?!?!
You two sound like two intelligent people here. You write and express yourself very well. BUT WHY WASN'T THIS GIRL ON BIRTH CONTROL?!?!
Thank you.
And in regards to the birth control, we actually discussed this when we first started sleeping together. Throughout our sexual lives, both of us had previously used condoms. They had always worked for us so we saw no need to change it. Things like this happen, I guess.
And in regards to the birth control, we actually discussed this when we first started sleeping together. Throughout our sexual lives, both of us had previously used condoms. They had always worked for us so we saw no need to change it. Things like this happen, I guess.
Easily searchable info you can find by doing a simple search on google. I've also seen this chart a million times in my OBGYN's office (if she has an OBGYN).
Easily searchable info you can find by doing a simple search on google. I've also seen this chart a million times in my OBGYN's office (if she has an OBGYN).
Thanks for the link. I looked at some similar publications when I found out about the pregnancy. The condom stats are interesting, particularly the in-depth one about their use. Apparently if used correctly, two out of every one hundred women whose partners use condoms correctly, become pregnant. The rate for incorrect use is at 18 out of a 100. I know definitely used it properly, so I guess I fell into that small percentage of 2 out of 100. Well, just like when a person wins the lottery, it has to be someone, doesn't it?
Heck, it's done now. That's the important and most decisive factor. Right now it's just about looking to the future and doing the best for our baby.
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You two sound like two intelligent people here. You write and express yourself very well. BUT WHY WASN'T THIS GIRL ON BIRTH CONTROL?!?!