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It kind of sounds like you're just marking time in your current situation until you're done with your schooling, planning to then revisit it, and specifics of your relationship aren't really a priority at this time. Is this accurate, or am I reading it wrong based on the information given?
At this point, and with things as they currently are, versus where they might or might not go in the future, what are you getting out of the relationship currently that you wouldn't want to sacrifice by exiting it?
My relationship is very important to me but I am not about to think about any huge life changes until after my school is done. Working 50+ hours a week and going to grad school is my priority now. What I am getting out of the relationship now is that (even with all his faults) he is the only person I've every truly loved.
Some times people can change their minds about not wanting to have kids. If he knows that he wants to have kids one day and that you definitely dont then you two need to split up. I know thats not an answer you probably wanted, but there is no way a couple can stay together when one wants kids and the other one doesnt. There is no happy medium.
I think he needs to let you know if he is 100% sure he wants to have kids one day. It sounds to me as if you arent ever going to change your mind about not wanting to have kids.
My relationship is very important to me but I am not about to think about any huge life changes until after my school is done. Working 50+ hours a week and going to grad school is my priority now. What I am getting out of the relationship now is that (even with all his faults) he is the only person I've every truly loved.
Just some devil's advocate questions: Is the relationship going to hold him back? Is he as content as you are to wait until you are done with school before he really approaches these issues within himself ?
If you really love somebody you do what's best for them because their happiness is just as important as your own.
So for you to ride it out now because you can just break up later if he doesn't change his mind, it doesn't sound like you're giving priority to his feelings. Why keep him hanging on?
Why should he waste time with you when he can find a woman who shares his values? You already said what your priorities are. So you're gonna keep him on the bench until you finish school? Then, if he's still wanting a family you're gonna cut him loose in the end anyway.
Why won't you let him go now? He has a right to be happy on his own terms. Why stand in the way of that?
If you really love somebody you do what's best for them because their happiness is just as important as your own.
So for you to ride it out now because you can just break up later if he doesn't change his mind, it doesn't sound like you're giving priority to his feelings. Why keep him hanging on?
Why should he waste time with you when he can find a woman who shares his values? You already said what your priorities are. So you're gonna keep him on the bench until you finish school? Then, if he's still wanting a family you're gonna cut him loose in the end anyway.
Why won't you let him go now? He has a right to be happy on his own terms. Why stand in the way of that?
If you love him you would want him to be happy.
This is the MODEL for an adult relationship. Kudos!
I don't understand everyone who keeps saying "you need to let him go". Why can't he let himself go? She has been completely honest about the fact that she definitely doesn't want children from the start and isn't stringing him along. Maybe he needs to realize they aren't compatible and walk away. You guys are making it sound like she's somehow forcing him to stay in the relationship.
As long as this isn't a constant source of stress on our relationship I dont see why I cant ride it out until he is in his 30's and re-evaluate the situation then. I can cut him loose if he still feels this way or can stay if he changes his mind (and decides he doesn't really want children and that this was a phase).
What makes you believe this guy is desperate enough that he won't dump you instead??
Kind of sounds like that's where he's heading already by bringing up the children factor, since he already knows you don't want kids.
It may simply be wishful thinking, that he could someday handle the responsibility. Realistically, it sounds like he could not. Call it fantasy, and don't worry about it too much.
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