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please...spare me and everyone else the "im thinking logically and want answers to my predicament" crap. you are not unique or special in any way shape or form because you had hardships in your life or have come into adversity along the way from the decisions you have made for yourself.
you are trying to justify your behavior because you know your are being selfish about things and do not want to take the appropriate steps to rectify the situation you have gotten yourself mixed up in. you want it all but none of the bad and dont understand why you cant just have it now.
nothing about your story speaks to logic or wanting to do whats right. it speaks of no thought, excuses and self preservation at the expense of others.
there really isn't much to say or debate other then that.
you are already dead set on what you want regardless of what is the "best" choice, nobody here would ever change that and you should be old enough to understand the consequences of your own actions by now.
your whole plan in life as you write it is a series of crossing your fingers and "what if's"
What's the rush with having a baby right away?? She's 16!, a child herself.
If you want to move away and live together on your own and whatever else - go for it, figure your lives out, do whatever you want, but why bring another human being into this world until you've got your own lives on track??? Get settled down, get educations, stable jobs, a place to live and some savings, and then start thinking about having a family. Why do you want a baby this early??
It is not possible for us to be together as such without parental consent. Believe you me, we have tried to talk to her parents about her being able to live with me when I move out, because that would be optimal for everyone. Furthermore I had met their previous requirements that they stated in the conversation 3 months prior. Their response was to ignore our points and to go back on their word as they had in previous conversations with them. All hope to solve this diplomatically with her parents is basically gone. Hence why choose to follow the path that will allow us to be together without their consent. While less ideal by far, still much better than the alternative.
you're 19 messing around with someone's 16 year old daughter; you should be in jail. Please get a grown girl your own age and get her pregnant. Forget about screwing up the 16 year's old life, she don't need to be a part of this nonsense. You should have more sense then her, but apparently you don't. Shame.
Last edited by Doll Eyes; 05-26-2012 at 01:16 AM..
please...spare me and everyone else the "im thinking logically and want answers to my predicament" crap. you are not unique or special in any way shape or form because you had hardships in your life or have come into adversity along the way from the decisions you have made for yourself.
you are trying to justify your behavior because you know your are being selfish about things and do not want to take the appropriate steps to rectify the situation you have gotten yourself mixed up in. you want it all but none of the bad and dont understand why you cant just have it now.
nothing about your story speaks to logic or wanting to do whats right. it speaks of no thought, excuses and self preservation at the expense of others.
there really isn't much to say or debate other then that.
you are already dead set on what you want regardless of what is the "best" choice, nobody here would ever change that and you should be old enough to understand the consequences of your own actions by now.
your whole plan in life as you write it is a series of crossing your fingers and "what if's"
Your wording and tone would suggest that I have caused you offense, and for this I apologize. I am fully aware that my mindset is different and rather childish to a point. I do not have the experience to back myself up, only my thoughts on how best to handle the situation. I came here already decided on a course of action, but completely willing to listen and learn. So far I've seen a strong reaction to the idea of having a child at our age, yet no alternative has been brought forth well reasoned. I would even listen if you were to argue that the other path that I first brought up is the better one. I would take some convincing yes, but please do not assume that I came looking for other options just to make myself feel justified. This isn't even about me if you hadn't noticed. Everything is on my girlfriend. She has to make the ultimate decisions here about her life and her body; and whether she chooses hardship but a strong relationship with me, or a deteriorating hell completely lacking support of any kind at home, I will support her 100%
Edit* Forgive me, I get highly defensive of my girlfriend.
The financial situation is actually already handled. Tuition: $80,000 to achieve a bachelors degree in Biomedical engineering. Presidential scholorship from my university, cut to $40,000 now. Other varied scholarships totaling in $5000 dollars funding per year. FAFSA efc of 0, so up to $5,550 of government aid per year. Also elligable for $57,000 dollars of Direct loans, up to which $20,000 can be subsidized. Work Study program, 10 to 15 hours weekly at minimum wage or higher. Transfer from current job in local Walmart to a walmart near the university, 30+ hours a week $8 an hour or more. Food stamps, medicaid, federal funding for low income families to help with rent. The math is clear, if any of the above fail for whatever reason, there exists a safety net. While not comfortable, the financials are secure.
Ok, so then what's the problem?..just wait till she's 18. you're gonna have to suck it up. that's the alternative solution.
the plan of having my earned money taken as a plan to support your ill thought one to pop a baby out is the only offense you have caused me. i dont think anyone likes being taken advantage of when there are people who actually need to make use of the programs for reasons out of their own control.
PS: you handle not being ready for a child by (shocker) not having them.
If it were a matter of me simply sucking up and not seeing her for 3 years, I would be unhappy about if for sure, because nobody likes being away from loved ones. But I would do so.
The problem is that her parents had her emotionally driven to the point of collapse. If we were to be seperated for such a long period of time, at this moment when they are only doubling the amount of **** that they pile on her, it would be detrimental to her health, grades, and emotional state.
I realize that this alone is not a reason, is not even a qualifier. But to turn my back on her when she would need me most, to not be there when she sobbed into her pillow, to keep her from falling back into the depression that I have worked so hard, and succeeded at bringing her out of. I cannot do that. I cannot simply abandon her, because I made a promise to always be there, to always find a way. And I'll go to hell before I break any promise that I make to her.
If it were a matter of me simply sucking up and not seeing her for 3 years, I would be unhappy about if for sure, because nobody likes being away from loved ones. But I would do so.
The problem is that her parents had her emotionally driven to the point of collapse. If we were to be seperated for such a long period of time, at this moment when they are only doubling the amount of **** that they pile on her, it would be detrimental to her health, grades, and emotional state.
I realize that this alone is not a reason, is not even a qualifier. But to turn my back on her when she would need me most, to not be there when she sobbed into her pillow, to keep her from falling back into the depression that I have worked so hard, and succeeded at bringing her out of. I cannot do that. I cannot simply abandon her, because I made a promise to always be there, to always find a way. And I'll go to hell before I break any promise that I make to her.
ok, I can understand that. but you have to understand, no matter what her parents are doing to her, she's still a minor. Also, why has CPS never gotten involved in all of her 16 years if its this bad? Is there nobody at school she can go to, like a counselor, best girlfriend? You simply not being able to be there, but doing your best to be available, is not breaking a promise to her. There is only so much you can do. with you going off to school, doesn't mean you can't see her on weekends and breaks so its not an entire 3 years apart. You two are not married, you legally can't be there for her in certain situations. I would suggest finding another way to be there for her besides having a kid together and screwing up her life.
I'm with rego on the kid thing. I'm offended for the same reason. Maybe its the conservative in me..but I just don't agree with it.
WTH? You seem to be motivated by a need to rescue this teenager from her horrible parents like some white knight simply because she complains of them "undermining her self esteem and devaluing her."
I am laughing because my darling daughters would have said the same thing about me, because I had household rules and standards they had to follow (incidentally, this is a parent's job, along with keeping them away from predators who would take advantage of teen angst to influence them).
Please. Leave her alone to finish school and deal with her parents. We all have to do that, it is part of growing up, and she needs to GROW UP. At 16 she most certainly does not have the life experience or judgement to make the kind of life-altering decision you are contemplating. If your love is real it will wait. Let her mature another 3 years and see if she is still into this fantasy life you are selling.
But to turn my back on her when she would need me most, to not be there when she sobbed into her pillow, to keep her from falling back into the depression that I have worked so hard, and succeeded at bringing her out of. I cannot do that.
LMAO, you don't know much about hormonal teenage girls, do you?
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..just wait till she's 18. you're gonna have to suck it up. that's the alternative solution.
