Online dating ?

[Chi-turtle]

Originally Posted by AverageGuy2006

I have never been a big "dater". Through most of my life (34 years old man), the women that I end up forming relationships with, I met through friends or social events. As I am still single, and many of my friends are now married or moved away, I am finding it difficult to meet women.
I have tried online dating. I met someone who I had a up and down 10 month relationship. Basically, I kind of feel the relationship failed, because the woman was not neccesarily "ready" to commit. Not that woman was a "bad" person, please don't read my feelings in that overtone.
Due to the growing popularity of members involved in online dating, I feel dating has become a little more "complicated".
I find the women I meet online, "some" are quite likely dating more then one guy at a time. I know this, due to the above mentioned relationship. My ex mentioned how she previously and consistantly dated 6 guys at a time. She would go on 4 dates a week. (claiming she was not "intimate" with most of them, even though we got "intimate" on our 3rd date)
How common are these habits?
Is this common regardless of whether or not adults in their 20's/30's are dating through means or online sites or through friends/ social functions?
Call me old fashioned, but how can someone (man or woman) actually get to know anyone when they are dating 5 other people at a time?
Is this extreme behavior, or more the norm of dating?
Confused, or possibly just too old fashioned.

Couldn't agree more. I've found out, the very hard way, that it's best to invest as little emotionally as possible when dating. As long as you reduce your expectations to almost nothing and completely break yourself of any emotional dependency of "having a significant other" only then can you online date and actually enjoy it.

If you think about it deeply enough, online dating is a joke and it's stupid. If you can find a way to do it with as little investment as possible then can you really do it for long periods of time without being burnt out.

I say just keep at it, keep rolling the dice, just don't think of it as losing anything when you don't find what you're looking for. 99% of the women on those sites are the furthest thing from being considered as worthy of your time. That is why you should only write 1 or 2 sentences in emails MAX, only set up first dates that are cheap and not time committing (like going to a bar for a drink or coffee). From then on, just do your thing, have fun with it, meet as many women as you can, and just go with it. If you meet a girl let her fall for you and then decide if you want to be with her or not. Don't let yourself care too much, especially in the beginning, that's how you set yourself up for pain and frustration.

[Redrover]

Originally Posted by LegalDiva

I guess I view dating like job interviews..You dont cancel a job interview on Thursday if you had a great interview on Monday. You cancel Thursday's interview only if Monday's interview results in a job offer you accept on Wednesday. Until then, you are still a FREE AGENT. You keep dating until both people decide to have a "talk" about whether their relationship will become exclusive/serious. At least thats how it was with my husband - we were both dating other people in the first month...but after 4-6 dates, we started becoming exclusive..and you know what,,theres nothing wrong with that..

A perfect analogy! Until such time as I am dating someone and both of us want to be exclusive, it just makes sense to continue to explore the available options.

[Sweet Like Sugar]

Originally Posted by AverageGuy2006

Call me old fashioned, but how can someone (man or woman) actually get to know anyone when they are dating 5 other people at a time?
Is this extreme behavior, or more the norm of dating?
Confused, or possibly just too old fashioned.

I just received a message from a man who first contacted me like three days ago telling me that he just met up with another woman last night and they really hit it off, so he's taking his profile down and ceasing contact with all other women. He says he only wants to concentrate on one woman at a time and he doesn't believe in putting others on the backburner. I appreciated the fact that he was so straightforward and wished him luck, but I think that was kind of extreme after just one date.

[strawberrykiki]

Originally Posted by Sweet Like Sugar

I just received a message from a man who first contacted me like three days ago telling me that he just met up with another woman last night and they really hit it off, so he's taking his profile down and ceasing contact with all other women. He says he only wants to concentrate on one woman at a time and he doesn't believe in putting others on the backburner. I appreciated the fact that he was so straightforward and wished him luck, but I think that was kind of extreme after just one date.

After 1 date??? Wow...least he was honest I suppose!

[strawberrykiki]

Originally Posted by Chi-turtle

Couldn't agree more. I've found out, the very hard way, that it's best to invest as little emotionally as possible when dating. As long as you reduce your expectations to almost nothing and completely break yourself of any emotional dependency of "having a significant other" only then can you online date and actually enjoy it.

If you think about it deeply enough, online dating is a joke and it's stupid. If you can find a way to do it with as little investment as possible then can you really do it for long periods of time without being burnt out.

I say just keep at it, keep rolling the dice, just don't think of it as losing anything when you don't find what you're looking for. 99% of the women on those sites are the furthest thing from being considered as worthy of your time. That is why you should only write 1 or 2 sentences in emails MAX, only set up first dates that are cheap and not time committing (like going to a bar for a drink or coffee). From then on, just do your thing, have fun with it, meet as many women as you can, and just go with it. If you meet a girl let her fall for you and then decide if you want to be with her or not. Don't let yourself care too much, especially in the beginning, that's how you set yourself up for pain and frustration.

OP, please don't take this advice. I agree you shouldn't be planning your wedding after only a few dates, but to avoid ever getting emotionally invested is the opposite of what you're really trying to accomplish, right? Let the girl fall for you first? In a good relationship that's moving forward the falling should be mutual on both sides. There are decent women online. I have lots of attractive friends with good jobs who are nice non game playing women that have done it.

[Sweet Like Sugar]

Originally Posted by strawberrykiki

After 1 date??? Wow...least he was honest I suppose!

Must've been some date! Unfortunately if it doesn't work out, I wouldn't allow him to pick up where he left off with me even though he was honest about it.

[AverageGuy2006]

Originally Posted by strawberrykiki

OP, please don't take this advice. I agree you shouldn't be planning your wedding after only a few dates, but to avoid ever getting emotionally invested is the opposite of what you're really trying to accomplish, right? Let the girl fall for you first? In a good relationship that's moving forward the falling should be mutual on both sides. There are decent women online. I have lots of attractive friends with good jobs who are nice non game playing women that have done it.

To be honest, the "with at least investment as possible"does sound kind of tempting right now. ....but, I am still quite affected by this break up.
I appreciate the fact that it seems there are good honest single women out there. But as I mentioned above, I'm not a huge dater in the first place. For the most part, I think that I have to let go of any opinion on people and their "dating" behavior. Not to say I ever thought badly of serial daters, but is was something that was a turn off. Tgis woman was honest with me, and I think I let me get my own "turn off" in the way of the simple fact that she was just being open with me. The confusing thing is, it seemed sometimes she would talk about her dating like it was some kind of feather in her cap. But that is a whole other issue probably. I guess I just have to live and learn.

[strawberrykiki]

Originally Posted by AverageGuy2006

To be honest, the "with at least investment as possible"does sound kind of tempting right now. ....but, I am still quite affected by this break up.
I appreciate the fact that it seems there are good honest single women out there. But as I mentioned above, I'm not a huge dater in the first place. For the most part, I think that I have to let go of any opinion on people and their "dating" behavior. Not to say I ever thought badly of serial daters, but is was something that was a turn off. Tgis woman was honest with me, and I think I let me get my own "turn off" in the way of the simple fact that she was just being open with me. The confusing thing is, it seemed sometimes she would talk about her dating like it was some kind of feather in her cap. But that is a whole other issue probably. I guess I just have to live and learn.

I think the best approach to dating is to try to just have fun and not take it personally when things don't work out. Don't get too carried away after only a few dates, but if you really like someone and they seem to like you don't close yourself off so much that you drive away someone who could be a great match for you.

[moonwatcher]

Originally Posted by strawberrykiki

I think the best approach to dating is to try to just have fun and not take it personally when things don't work out. Don't get too carried away after only a few dates, but if you really like someone and they seem to like you don't close yourself off so much that you drive away someone who could be a great match for you.

I agree with this, but sometimes you can't help but get carried away. Infatuation, lust, love at first sight yea all the things that through the most reasonable person off course.

[Vic 2.0]

Originally Posted by strawberrykiki

OP, please don't take this advice. I agree you shouldn't be planning your wedding after only a few dates, but to avoid ever getting emotionally invested is the opposite of what you're really trying to accomplish, right?

I agree with this. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. By all means, play it safe if you like. Just don't expect much to come of it.