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To the OP: Since your baby is 2 yrs. old, I seriously doubt its post partum depression. Here's something you maybe could try, just to see what happens. Many men become dormats to their wives, and let the wife push them around because they are trying to keep peace in the home, and are still hoping for sex. Well, the sex doesn't seem to be offered anymore, so forget about. Stop being a doormat. Stop letting her push you around the house. If she snaps at you, snap back. Don't let her push your friends away, stand up to her. You didn't marry her so that you could be her personal slave.
Pot was just once and i said no i cant do this im not 17 anymore! And we havent done anything physical in fact i've avoided meeting in person since , but i've tried everything with wife and she just gets mean and refuses counseling, or Dr ! Im at my wits end ? I do more around the house than she does , she works 30hrs a week and is totally consumed by our child ? Shes a great mom but when we had our daughter i didnt know i was totally trading my wife for a nagging , self absorbed room mate ! This sounds harsh but its true . I am constantly running , mowing , laundry, home, car maint.. I work 3rd shift sleep 5 hrs a day and cut into that to vent/chat with my friend in the mornings when i have house to myself !
Pot was just once and i said no i cant do this im not 17 anymore! And we havent done anything physical in fact i've avoided meeting in person since , but i've tried everything with wife and she just gets mean and refuses counseling, or Dr ! Im at my wits end ? I do more around the house than she does , she works 30hrs a week and is totally consumed by our child ? Shes a great mom but when we had our daughter i didnt know i was totally trading my wife for a nagging , self absorbed room mate ! This sounds harsh but its true . I am constantly running , mowing , laundry, home, car maint.. I work 3rd shift sleep 5 hrs a day and cut into that to vent/chat with my friend in the mornings when i have house to myself !
It really sounds like you need an honest talk with your wife.
But first you have to know what YOU want. You need a goal to work toward: better marriage or divorce. Things can't stay the way they are.
Once you figure that out, you can tell her what you want and see if she wants that too. Tell her that if she isn't willing to work for your marriage, you will leave because you don't want to live this way.
Pot was just once and i said no i cant do this im not 17 anymore! And we havent done anything physical in fact i've avoided meeting in person since , but i've tried everything with wife and she just gets mean and refuses counseling, or Dr ! Im at my wits end ? I do more around the house than she does , she works 30hrs a week and is totally consumed by our child ? Shes a great mom but when we had our daughter i didnt know i was totally trading my wife for a nagging , self absorbed room mate ! This sounds harsh but its true . I am constantly running , mowing , laundry, home, car maint.. I work 3rd shift sleep 5 hrs a day and cut into that to vent/chat with my friend in the mornings when i have house to myself !
Some women, after giving birth, get totally wrapped up in the baby, it becomes their sole focus, and the husband gets shunted aside. This tends to end in divorce. I don't know what causes this phenomenon, I wonder if doctors or psychologists have investigated it. I wonder if there's a book on it you could read, or articles. Maybe you could call your family doctor to discuss it and see if he can offer any insight or point you toward some literature about it.
It's very sad when this happens. It may be time to tell your wife that her behavior is putting the marriage at risk. Don't say it in a mean way, but to bring home to her how serious the situation is.
I think it would help if he approached it like, "I miss you and our relationship," or "I want us to be a couple again," rather than, "Your behavior is ruining our marriage!"
But he has to want that too.
Focus on the positive; try not to accuse and blame, which will make her defensive.
I dont leave because i do still love her, and if i dont bring up whats lacking and just try to be content with what it is she and i do still have good days ?
Shes still nice and loving as long as i dont remind her of what has changed or i guess say anything that points the fault of it her way . These days of getting along give me hope i guess ? Also if i were to file i'd get so screwed out of everything i've worked for far over whats about taking care of our child and i wouldnt be as big a part of her life anymore !! Honestly if i didnt think my friend would love to hear me say lets get out of our marriages and be together so much that i fear her undermining our secret in hopes of making me avaiable i would prob take the chance but even tho im posting this i know i'd feel guilty after it happened !
Try Wmsn4Life's approach first. If you get a positive response, that may be a first step, but you're may need marriage counselling, or perhaps your wife has lingering post-partum depression - or soemthing else that can be treated.
I was in your situation once, and tried everything I, we, and therapists could imagine, and nothing worked. She just wasn't ever very sexual, and a child seemed to elminate what was left. Don't wait 10 years like I did to face reality and leave, IF your situation can't be improved. As for your wife's good days, they are probably a strategy (conscious or not) to influence you to stay on her terms. My ex did the same, but it didn't lead to greater intimacy.
As for FWB, as tempting as it is, it will almost certainly be discovered, and the end result will probably be divorce - only with feelings of pain and betrayal, and guilt. The only way this might work is if BOTH you and your potential FWB get permission from your respective spouses. Even then, it would only be a band-aid fix to a problem that may require amputation.
Your wife could be feeling something as (seemingly) simple as body insecurity after the baby. Maybe she doesn't want to get pregnant again. Maybe deep down she really doesn't love you and is too tired to pretend otherwise. Who knows why she isn't jumping you every night? She may not even know.
I do know that when I had toddlers, the last thing I honestly wanted to do was be sexual. My kids were all over me all day, and I did not want another human being touching me after that. It is mentally and physically exhausting. And if you are the least bit anxious/depressed, everything is worse.
The other thing I know for sure is that you will not IMPROVE your marriage if you are distracted by this other woman. Let your friend go work on her own life, and you apply some of that compassion you have for the friend toward your wife.
And someone else brought up a very good point: You never can tell what her husband would do if he found out. "Crimes of passion" do occur quite frequently.
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