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Old 05-29-2012, 10:46 AM
 
25,250 posts, read 27,370,393 times
Reputation: 34488

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Niteshiftworker View Post
Ok. Been married 6 yrs , 2 yr old daughter. Im 32 wife is 29 , we've always had to work at our marriage but since baby things got bad for me at least . Wife seems content even though she has ran all her friends off, and never wants to go do anything unless its a day at the mall or a rare movie ? In 2011 we had sex 9 times half of which were so quick and dull it was a waist of time!! Despite my talkes and visible frustration on these issue's she wont change, im very bored and feel old all the time !! I have had a best friend since middle school that since my wife became this way had to go secret due to her rants suddenly about a opposite sex friendship . Friend is married also and her marriage for othe reasons could be better . We usually talk or text to vent or just catch up, awhile back she said to meet her she had a suprise . We met and spent a few hours together she got ahold of a joint !! Against my better judgement we smoked i felt like a teenager again !!! A week later she tells me she wishes we had better timing and that we should have been together yrs ago , i sorta agreed there may have been some attraction over the yrs , she says we should be fwb and if our marriages ever end on their own we will give it a shot and if they dont we will just have whats lacking and still be friends ?? Give me some feed back please !! I dont want ur oppinions on if its morally right or not i just want to know if this could work or not ??
Sorry your marriage has gone to seed. I really am.

But, regarding this other person, you won't find validation from me. It will be a disaster. You are far better off divorcing than having a fling.
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Old 05-29-2012, 11:12 AM
 
Location: ON, Canada
5,193 posts, read 2,616,568 times
Reputation: 8796
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
Sorry your marriage has gone to seed. I really am.

But, regarding this other person, you won't find validation from me. It will be a disaster. You are far better off divorcing than having a fling.
This X a billion. When my ex-husband wanted to end our marriage, even though he really was the cause of the majority of our issues, I could respect that. When I found out a month later that he'd been having an affair, all bets were off. It is the most selfish, cowardly and disrespectful thing you can do, especially to someone you've committed to/pledged a life together in the form of your marital vows. I'm so much better off since we split up, but there was absolutely no need for the kind of pain, anguish, health concerns, etc. caused by him cheating.
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Old 05-29-2012, 11:15 AM
 
3,098 posts, read 2,229,379 times
Reputation: 3641
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
He doesn't want a divorce. His marriage isn't THAT bad (to him). He just wants to cheat on the side. He already said he doesn't want moral opinions, he just wants to know if it'll work.

To the OP: No, this will not work. Your "friend" will probably leave her husband for you (women leave!) and pressure you to leave your wife. She'll probably tell your wife about the affair in the process too.
he wrote "No mention of wife cause this isnt a new prob we have been through this over and over and she just wont even talk ? In alot of ways i dont even have wife i guess a good way to describe it is had baby and 2 years later im just suposed to be happy when our lives would remind you literally of someone who has grand kids and nearing their 50th anniversery ! She likes to go do things but it all became lame, with affection but never any sexual affection, and it just cant be anyone but us ? I will be mowing yard and a fuy friend stops in as driving by for 20min and she ******* at me cause they ddnt call before stopping by !!!! Just imprisoned in some ways but in others still love her ??"

That does sound pretty bad to me as well as the fact that they had sex once every 40 days last year (and she is almost at her sexual peak). The main issue is that she doesn't seem (based on the OP) to want to change anything, if that is the case, I would recommend divorce (not cheating)..this doesn't sound like a great marriage, and she doesn't seem to want to change it for the better...time to move on
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Old 05-29-2012, 11:20 AM
 
Location: AZ
5,137 posts, read 6,354,727 times
Reputation: 6765
Default New screen name, huh.

I think you have more pressing issues. A few days ago your screen name was "Just4Fun31" and you had no kids but your wife was pregnant.

Baby on the way and worried wife and i arent going to make it !!

How did I know this, you ask? Because of your !! deplorable ? punctuation !! skills !! and poor !! grammar !!
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Old 05-29-2012, 11:32 AM
 
Location: SW Missouri
14,851 posts, read 18,001,590 times
Reputation: 18987
Quote:
Originally Posted by TaoistDude View Post
This is conjecture. It may be true, but it equally may well be false. If your statement is generally true, it is a powerful argument against anyone ever getting married, given that the outcome is so inevitably miserable. (I will grant that if the people involved have certain flaws, the outcome of their relationships may be repeated failures.) My first wife was much like OP's, and over 15 years to trying to improve and fix things didn't change things a bit. Therapy and counselling showed that the issues were hers, not mine, so I was able to move on and develop a successful relationship with someone with healthy attitudes.

My second wife is an ideal match, and after 12 years together there isn't even a hint of boredom, complacency, or dissatisfaction. She's familiar, but in the best way of familiar - very comfortable and pleasing.
The OP does not complain of anything other than his wife being "boring". I therefore assume that he is craving the excitement of having someone different. But it is a vicious circle because ultimately the different becomes the familiar.

You, yourself made the statement that even though your present relationship is not "miserable", it is "very comfortable and pleasing". I think the OP's problem is that he does not want comfortable - and thus it is not pleasing to him. Unless he is willing too accept the fact that every relationship ultimately ends up COMFORTABLE, and lacking the limerance that is inevitably present in a new relationship he will never be satisfied.

20yrsinBranson
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Old 05-29-2012, 11:38 AM
 
12,296 posts, read 7,568,522 times
Reputation: 9298
Quote:
Originally Posted by darrensmooth View Post

That does sound pretty bad to me as well as the fact that they had sex once every 40 days last year (and she is almost at her sexual peak). The main issue is that she doesn't seem (based on the OP) to want to change anything, if that is the case, I would recommend divorce (not cheating)..this doesn't sound like a great marriage, and she doesn't seem to want to change it for the better...time to move on
If the "friend" is an upgrade from the wife and leaves her husband then he'll leave but if not he's not going to leave his wife. He'll just want something hassle-free on the side.
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Old 05-29-2012, 11:38 AM
 
Location: NYC
7,373 posts, read 7,406,495 times
Reputation: 10075
If you are going to cheat, hire a prostitute. No i am not kidding. An FWB will lead to disaster; better to just get off with a woman who has no feelings for you and will never develop any.
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Old 05-29-2012, 11:39 AM
 
Location: Emerald Coast, FL
4,491 posts, read 3,976,434 times
Reputation: 6962
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
The OP does not complain of anything other than his wife being "boring". I therefore assume that he is craving the excitement of having someone different. But it is a vicious circle because ultimately the different becomes the familiar.

You, yourself made the statement that even though your present relationship is not "miserable", it is "very comfortable and pleasing". I think the OP's problem is that he does not want comfortable - and thus it is not pleasing to him. Unless he is willing too accept the fact that every relationship ultimately ends up COMFORTABLE, and lacking the limerance that is inevitably present in a new relationship he will never be satisfied.

20yrsinBranson
Duh? "In 2011 we had sex 9 times half of which were so quick and dull it was a waist of time!!" His wife is far worse than boring, I'd say.
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Old 05-29-2012, 11:44 AM
 
Location: US
5,148 posts, read 5,620,142 times
Reputation: 5144
Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
If you are going to cheat, hire a prostitute. No i am not kidding. An FWB will lead to disaster; better to just get off with a woman who has no feelings for you and will never develop any.

Yeh...a herpes ridden hooker is such a good choice.

Onglet...COME ON!
LOL


You could always pick a smart hooker that knew you have a family and knew she could make way more money off you by charging to keep her mouth shut while her legs were closed or doing business elsewhere.

Or maybe she will be one of the crazy ones that kills you and steals your crap.
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Old 05-29-2012, 11:46 AM
 
5,581 posts, read 8,288,663 times
Reputation: 5641
Dude. Do yourself a favor and do the grown-up thing and get a divorce if you want to have sex and mess around with other women.

Grow up - you're a father now.

Or - get a divorce, and then keep acting like a teenager.

But, either way - you need to do your wife and kid a favor and end that marriage. Your wife is obviously not happy. When a woman is happy with her man she wants to jump his bones all the time. She is probably not attracted to you, either, or senses that you haven't grown up yet, and doesn't like having sex with little boys.
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