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Old 05-30-2012, 02:44 PM
 
Location: between now and then
109 posts, read 64,958 times
Reputation: 121

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When she met the guy, he was married and had a girlfriend. She was the third woman, but she stayed until she became "the girlfriend."

They lived together at her house. He cheated on him, but she forgave him and took him back. They had a baby and things were good for a short period. But he couldnt stop cheating. She fought with the new woman, but that didnt stop him.

The guy eventually left my friend to be with the other woman. My friend believes it's the other woman's fault, and still loves the guy blindly. I've been trying to shake her out of it, but she tells me she wont.

The guy came to see her recently, asking her to stay with him because he's changed. He told her she will not be sorry and she fell for it again. He hurts and leaves her, but she forgives him like what he did was petty.

I am going out of my mind asking my friend to see him for who he is and what he's doing, but she won't. She said she promised to love him unconditionally. Love cannot be this stupid. Or is this how unconditional love should be?

PS
The guy doesnt even provide child support, has been out of work for two years. Its the women hes with who pay most of the time. My friend even gave him some money last time and hasnt heard from him again after he promised her he is willing to work things out now.

I want to pull her out of it, but she is damn determined to forgive him no matter what. Even if she suffers raising the child on her own, she wont give up on him.
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Old 05-30-2012, 02:46 PM
 
Location: Volker, Kansas City, MO
12,062 posts, read 19,297,116 times
Reputation: 3629
You can't make someone do something they don't want to do. harping won't help, lecturing certainly won't either. All you can do is be a supportive friend. If you can't do that, she'll push you away.
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Old 05-30-2012, 02:52 PM
 
Location: Nevernever land
2,671 posts, read 2,175,442 times
Reputation: 4470
Your friend has no self-esteem. Plus, and this is just a theory. Maybe she looks for guys that are "unattainable". Many people do without realizing it. Anyway, it's not your problem if your friend wants to be treated so poorly. All you can do is wait and hope she matures from the matter.
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Old 05-30-2012, 02:57 PM
 
12,296 posts, read 7,646,524 times
Reputation: 9298
Some people are addicted to the excitement/challenge.
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Old 05-30-2012, 03:01 PM
 
Location: Florida
2,156 posts, read 2,380,274 times
Reputation: 4612
You can't fix stupid, so there is nothing that you can do, it is her life and if she chooses to ruin it, that is up to her.
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Old 05-30-2012, 03:17 PM
 
Location: between now and then
109 posts, read 64,958 times
Reputation: 121
I try to be there for her. But I also try to give it to her as it is, make her see it's the guy's fault. Im not even making her leave him anymore. Im just being objective when I tell her so. I know it hurts her, but I just cant be sympathetic... Sometimes I feel Im not making her feel better, but I dont want to encourage her or raise her hopes further.

I just can't believe there are people who can hold on like this.
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Old 05-30-2012, 03:21 PM
 
Location: US
5,145 posts, read 5,661,891 times
Reputation: 5144
Have you talked about what that type of behavior does to the child's development? They both should know. Its better to be consistently single than mess with a father who comes and goes. It really does affect the child negatively.

But she needs love. Not yelling. Try to rally some supportive friends around her. Maybe when she sees some real love drama free, (doesn't need to be sexual) she won't feel the need to keep reaching out to someone who does this to her and the child.

I wouldn't say its anyone's fault because it could make her sour against you. I would just point out the pattern and ask how she feels about it truly. Ask her if that is the life she wants to lead forever because it could just be that way.
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Old 05-30-2012, 03:34 PM
 
825 posts, read 863,932 times
Reputation: 644
Your friend is free to engage in all the self-destructive behavior she wants. However, my problem is when women like this become bitter and start spreading the meme that there's few good men left and all the ones that are good are taken. That's not to say that your friend does this now but I hope she won't in the future. I wonder how many good men did she reject by chasing after this worthless dude?
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Old 05-30-2012, 03:38 PM
 
Location: Austin
2,173 posts, read 1,472,819 times
Reputation: 2082
Quote:
Originally Posted by stargazermunsta View Post
When she met the guy, he was married and had a girlfriend. She was the third woman, but she stayed until she became "the girlfriend."

They lived together at her house. He cheated on him, but she forgave him and took him back. They had a baby and things were good for a short period. But he couldnt stop cheating. She fought with the new woman, but that didnt stop him.

The guy eventually left my friend to be with the other woman. My friend believes it's the other woman's fault, and still loves the guy blindly. I've been trying to shake her out of it, but she tells me she wont.

The guy came to see her recently, asking her to stay with him because he's changed. He told her she will not be sorry and she fell for it again. He hurts and leaves her, but she forgives him like what he did was petty.

I am going out of my mind asking my friend to see him for who he is and what he's doing, but she won't. She said she promised to love him unconditionally. Love cannot be this stupid. Or is this how unconditional love should be?

PS
The guy doesnt even provide child support, has been out of work for two years. Its the women hes with who pay most of the time. My friend even gave him some money last time and hasnt heard from him again after he promised her he is willing to work things out now.

I want to pull her out of it, but she is damn determined to forgive him no matter what. Even if she suffers raising the child on her own, she wont give up on him.
She is stubborn beyond her intelligence. Leave it alone.
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Old 05-30-2012, 04:05 PM
 
900 posts, read 897,829 times
Reputation: 472
She will when she's ready. This will be when she finds someone else to obsess over. Just be there for her.
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