U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Happy Halloween!
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 1.5 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Jump to a detailed profile or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Business Search - 14 Million verified businesses
Search for:  near: 
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-30-2012, 01:44 PM
 
Location: between now and then
109 posts, read 61,349 times
Reputation: 121
Default My friend won't give up on this guy

When she met the guy, he was married and had a girlfriend. She was the third woman, but she stayed until she became "the girlfriend."

They lived together at her house. He cheated on him, but she forgave him and took him back. They had a baby and things were good for a short period. But he couldnt stop cheating. She fought with the new woman, but that didnt stop him.

The guy eventually left my friend to be with the other woman. My friend believes it's the other woman's fault, and still loves the guy blindly. I've been trying to shake her out of it, but she tells me she wont.

The guy came to see her recently, asking her to stay with him because he's changed. He told her she will not be sorry and she fell for it again. He hurts and leaves her, but she forgives him like what he did was petty.

I am going out of my mind asking my friend to see him for who he is and what he's doing, but she won't. She said she promised to love him unconditionally. Love cannot be this stupid. Or is this how unconditional love should be?

PS
The guy doesnt even provide child support, has been out of work for two years. Its the women hes with who pay most of the time. My friend even gave him some money last time and hasnt heard from him again after he promised her he is willing to work things out now.

I want to pull her out of it, but she is damn determined to forgive him no matter what. Even if she suffers raising the child on her own, she wont give up on him.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-30-2012, 01:46 PM
 
Location: Volker, Kansas City, MO
12,062 posts, read 18,648,139 times
Reputation: 3618
You can't make someone do something they don't want to do. harping won't help, lecturing certainly won't either. All you can do is be a supportive friend. If you can't do that, she'll push you away.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-30-2012, 01:52 PM
 
Location: Nevernever land
2,597 posts, read 2,016,181 times
Reputation: 4373
Your friend has no self-esteem. Plus, and this is just a theory. Maybe she looks for guys that are "unattainable". Many people do without realizing it. Anyway, it's not your problem if your friend wants to be treated so poorly. All you can do is wait and hope she matures from the matter.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-30-2012, 01:57 PM
 
12,299 posts, read 6,968,380 times
Reputation: 9273
Some people are addicted to the excitement/challenge.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-30-2012, 02:01 PM
 
Location: Florida
2,116 posts, read 2,188,033 times
Reputation: 4413
You can't fix stupid, so there is nothing that you can do, it is her life and if she chooses to ruin it, that is up to her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-30-2012, 02:17 PM
 
Location: between now and then
109 posts, read 61,349 times
Reputation: 121
I try to be there for her. But I also try to give it to her as it is, make her see it's the guy's fault. Im not even making her leave him anymore. Im just being objective when I tell her so. I know it hurts her, but I just cant be sympathetic... Sometimes I feel Im not making her feel better, but I dont want to encourage her or raise her hopes further.

I just can't believe there are people who can hold on like this.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-30-2012, 02:21 PM
 
Location: US
5,148 posts, read 5,270,822 times
Reputation: 5137
Have you talked about what that type of behavior does to the child's development? They both should know. Its better to be consistently single than mess with a father who comes and goes. It really does affect the child negatively.

But she needs love. Not yelling. Try to rally some supportive friends around her. Maybe when she sees some real love drama free, (doesn't need to be sexual) she won't feel the need to keep reaching out to someone who does this to her and the child.

I wouldn't say its anyone's fault because it could make her sour against you. I would just point out the pattern and ask how she feels about it truly. Ask her if that is the life she wants to lead forever because it could just be that way.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-30-2012, 02:34 PM
 
775 posts, read 799,312 times
Reputation: 592
Your friend is free to engage in all the self-destructive behavior she wants. However, my problem is when women like this become bitter and start spreading the meme that there's few good men left and all the ones that are good are taken. That's not to say that your friend does this now but I hope she won't in the future. I wonder how many good men did she reject by chasing after this worthless dude?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-30-2012, 02:38 PM
 
Location: Austin
2,173 posts, read 1,372,643 times
Reputation: 2081
Quote:
Originally Posted by stargazermunsta View Post
When she met the guy, he was married and had a girlfriend. She was the third woman, but she stayed until she became "the girlfriend."

They lived together at her house. He cheated on him, but she forgave him and took him back. They had a baby and things were good for a short period. But he couldnt stop cheating. She fought with the new woman, but that didnt stop him.

The guy eventually left my friend to be with the other woman. My friend believes it's the other woman's fault, and still loves the guy blindly. I've been trying to shake her out of it, but she tells me she wont.

The guy came to see her recently, asking her to stay with him because he's changed. He told her she will not be sorry and she fell for it again. He hurts and leaves her, but she forgives him like what he did was petty.

I am going out of my mind asking my friend to see him for who he is and what he's doing, but she won't. She said she promised to love him unconditionally. Love cannot be this stupid. Or is this how unconditional love should be?

PS
The guy doesnt even provide child support, has been out of work for two years. Its the women hes with who pay most of the time. My friend even gave him some money last time and hasnt heard from him again after he promised her he is willing to work things out now.

I want to pull her out of it, but she is damn determined to forgive him no matter what. Even if she suffers raising the child on her own, she wont give up on him.
She is stubborn beyond her intelligence. Leave it alone.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-30-2012, 03:05 PM
 
900 posts, read 853,539 times
Reputation: 472
She will when she's ready. This will be when she finds someone else to obsess over. Just be there for her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $84,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2014, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 - Top