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Old 06-01-2012, 04:21 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,599,006 times
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I don't think you're the bad guy at all.

In fact, my husband and I both would say you are smart.
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Old 06-01-2012, 08:23 PM
 
10,449 posts, read 12,417,526 times
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I can't imagine operating by the rule of "no opposite sex friends" if I were in an exclusive heterosexual relationship. I think because I am gay and some of the women in my life are/have been romantic partners and some are just friends, I've learned how to define "platonic" and "sexual" independent of gender. I can't imagine other people, regardless of sexual orientation, don't know how to do that. Is that the reasoning behind couples who don't let their spouses/significant others befriend people of the opposite sex? Can't you apply the same logic that makes your brother/sister different from your husband/wife to other opposite-sex friends?
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Old 06-01-2012, 10:16 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,599,006 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nimchimpsky View Post
Can't you apply the same logic that makes your brother/sister different from your husband/wife to other opposite-sex friends?
Some can; some can't. That's the problem.

Some psychologists think that, immediately upon meeting a member of the opposite sex, humans make a subconscious evaluation of whether they would mate with them. Women are supposedly more able to quickly move past this instinct.

The problem with this scenario is not "whether men and women can have OS friends outside their relationships."

It's the OP's gut feelings weighed against his history with this girl - and her history with that particular member of the opposite sex.
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Old 06-01-2012, 10:33 PM
 
652 posts, read 1,048,985 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Viper 83a View Post
Well i hate it. And i hate that there are some people that think people like me (who dont want to share their womens company with another man) are considered the bad guy and jealous or possesive or over protected and that we dont get how the world works today.
Like the poster above, I have a very old friend of the opposite sex. He doesn't live locally anymore. If he did I'd imagine we might spend some time together. At times, he was almost like a brother.

So if you were dating someone at what point would you tell them they couldn't see a friend of the opposite sex.

I think it would be puzzling to me to think I could see one old friend because they were a girl, but then not be allowed to see an even older friend because he was a male.

Sure there are some situations that might cause suspicion....not every situation would be like that.
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Old 06-01-2012, 11:03 PM
 
8,781 posts, read 9,407,122 times
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i have literally 2 male friends and 10 female.
when i first started seeing my wife she had MAJOR jealousy issue regarding any time i took to talk or hang out with them.

you wont solve these issues by avoiding them, if anything you will just be making them worse. my wife became ok with my friends (and new people in my life) as time went on and she was able to SEE for herself that i had no other intentions for any other female other then exactly why i talked to them....friendship.

if your intentions are true, its not your problem to work on. it the others. all you can do is be there for the person you care about when they become emotional over the situation and help them work through it the best you can by letting them know sincerely that you have no other intention for other people in your life but what you say

if they are not willing to accept it or work on their own issues there is literally NOTHING you can do for them. it is something they have to want to become ok with.
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Old 06-01-2012, 11:06 PM
 
479 posts, read 833,241 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rego00123 View Post
i have literally 2 male friends and 10 female.
when i first started seeing my wife she had MAJOR jealousy issue regarding any time i took to talk or hang out with them.

you wont solve these issues by avoiding them, if anything you will just be making them worse. my wife became ok with my friends (and new people in my life) as time went on and she was able to SEE for herself that i had no other intentions for any other female other then exactly why i talked to them....friendship.

if your intentions are true, its not your problem to work on. it the others. all you can do is be there for the person you care about when they become emotional over the situation and help them work through it the best you can by letting them know sincerely that you have no other intention for other people in your life but what you say

if they are not willing to accept it or work on their own issues there is literally NOTHING you can do for them. it is something they have to want to become ok with.
oh, dear gawd, you get the big ole' "V" award for the week.
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Old 06-01-2012, 11:16 PM
 
8,781 posts, read 9,407,122 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tegota View Post
oh, dear gawd, you get the big ole' "V" award for the week.

i have no idea what that means
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Old 06-01-2012, 11:18 PM
 
10,449 posts, read 12,417,526 times
Reputation: 12590
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
Some can; some can't. That's the problem.

Some psychologists think that, immediately upon meeting a member of the opposite sex, humans make a subconscious evaluation of whether they would mate with them. Women are supposedly more able to quickly move past this instinct.

The problem with this scenario is not "whether men and women can have OS friends outside their relationships."

It's the OP's gut feelings weighed against his history with this girl - and her history with that particular member of the opposite sex.
Okay, I guess I just can't imagine that being a serious issue. I had lunch with my ex girlfriend today, and even at one point thought to myself, she's still sexy to me, but I would never act on it now that we're not officially dating. It just seems like to me having feelings/thoughts and acting are two very different things, and that even if you did have feelings for someone of the opposite sex outside your exclusive relationship, you could still choose not to act on it.
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Old 06-01-2012, 11:19 PM
 
479 posts, read 833,241 times
Reputation: 444
As to the OP, if the opposite sex friends aren't with benefits? Why bother?
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Old 06-01-2012, 11:21 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,345,638 times
Reputation: 40196
Quote:
Originally Posted by AverageGuy2006 View Post
Yzette, please elaborate on the first comment above. Are you beginning to see a problem with the situation from the actions of the exGF?
She can speak for herself, but I since she hasn't come back this evening I will try to explain.

You said, "as far as the other guy, well actually, he didnt engage this idea. He mentioned he had all these photos, and my exGF said "i'd really love to see them sometime".

He actually didnt ask her, the exGF spearheaded this whole thing.

I actually think this guy might have respected the fact my exg was in a relationship. In this friendship, on FB anyway, the exGF engaged the other guy EVERY ATIME. This other guy never once sparked conversation on FB her her. It was always her engaging him."

Ysette was just saying that had you given this info in your first post it would have been easier for some here to have a more clear picture of the situation.

Remember when I was asking you if your GF had given you any valid reason to mistrust her? Well, this behavior of her "always engaging him" might qualify.

But hey, you know her, we don't. We can only go by your view of her and her actions.

Her behavior could have been completely innocent - she just wanted to see a friend's vacation pics.

But if this made you uncomfortable it was up to you to figure out WHY you were uncomfortable and act accordingly.

Fine tuning our gut instincts is very important to our emotional and physical safety.

So, learn to discern when your guts are telling you something is not right versus when your ego is just bruised and battered by the green-eyed monster
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