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The spark is what makes someone your lover and not a friend.
Makes you want to see them every day, makes you want to feel their touch, it makes them the center of your universe....
I would think a relationship without the spark would be a slow death... living life in black and white instead of color.
I don't think you ever get too old for that.
Yes and I've lived in B&W for way too many years. Maybe that's why I'm so hesitant but I'm going to give it one more chance and then tell him the honest truth and hope he'll be my friend b/c I really do want that.
Thanks Chessie and I think they forgot to read the post that I was responding to where someone said that the spark comes from thinking that you've made a "catch" with someone of higher status than yourself. I felt this man was an equal.
Thanks Chessie and I think they forgot to read the post that I was responding to where someone said that the spark comes from thinking that you've made a "catch" with someone of higher status than yourself. I felt this man was an equal.
That's because they are just looking for something to bash women about. They probably miss a lot of things that way.
Avoid techno dating or attempted dating through the key boards. From what I notice the virtual world is awash with thousands of losers...lazy folks who think love might just be a click away.
Love and sex will always be a physical thing in the idea that nothing can replace real eye contact- real touch- and real humor..."lol" will never replace a real laugh. I hear about the "spark" or "chemistry"- there is no such thing as chemistry. There is a woman we call the "dog lady" cos' she is always with her mutt when you see her. When I run into her she insists that we have a "chemistry" - I am starting wonder what this means. I have come to the realization that what she means is that she will get in bed with anything that has a pulse.
Here is the core of the problem with older people "dating"...we all think we are running out of time and must rush things. Men are worried about performance- will the plumbing still function? Woman are thinking that if I don't get a man- any man I will grow older and less attractive and end up alone.
A word of warning..to avoid embarrassment avoid alcohol. It clouds the judgement and if that magic little moment comes along it's hard to win a woman over if your "performance" is impaired...or hindered. With disappearing youth SEX whether we like to admit it or not is probably even more important than before- If you are still capable of sex you know that you still have a future with someone new.
Forget things like the "little blue pill" _ If you think you need such a thing- then you are probably pairing up with the wrong woman. Having mentioned sex - lets put that basic aside and get down to business. Nothing more regrettable than getting in bed with someone you don't love just to prove a point to yourself that you are still vital.
What I believe is that we all have a history in middle and older age..and we all have made mistakes and have not taken advantage of our deep capacity to LOVE. This morning I went out to get a pound of coffee..Up the street I could see the "dog lady" approaching- I gave her a polite wave..and scurried quickly into the store to avoid her.
I took her up on her "chemistry" offer- not once but twice..both time I had been sitting on my roof top garden sipping gin..Sure it was bold and adventurous to take the leap when she came calling - BUT- I simply do not like her...I don't like her attitude or general mentality...She was so aggressive and desperate that it was a total turn off. They say you can not teach an old dog new tricks..but you do learn...Love is what it is all about..Mostly intelligence is what is most attractive.....That first look at the eyes and face - That is the real chemistry- not a few drinks and gropes...You can get that anywhere.
You are not running out of time being older. Take your time- choose carefully and honestly...If you see beauty and brains in a person- the rest will take care of itself- YOU as an older wiser man need not act like you are some 22 year old- you are not- what you finally want is real love- real quality- and someone that is pleasing to the eye...Some say looks are not that important- well THEY ARE... all my life I let woman select me- now I want to have what I REALLY want...and now need.
The right person is out there- You will be able to spot them..and they will know you instantly- Don't be afraid of rejection- it rarely happens at this stage of the game.
Remember as a young person you would see someone and say "She is out of my league and I could never be will someone like her"--------------Well you are wrong. ASK and you shall receive. Your dreams will come true...Sometimes the right person comes late in life- but they are there waiting- For someone like you.
Don't settle for someone who wants to just settle...You do not have the time to waste - Better to have a dream come true than enter the turmoil of imagined youth with someone that is just not right.
BUT be prepared to commit when that angel arrives...she may will not call twice.
Some smart ass (literally) just sent me a message and states "That was beautifully written but the lover of my dreams is male".......okay- Yah had to get that in---who says there is no gay lobby. Lets put it this way and I give this advice to young lovers...hetro ones....IF your penis fell off and your girl fiends vagina and breasts disappeared..would you still love each other- would you still be bonded by real love?"
In the case of the gay interloper who sent me a rep- ask yourself that same question - If there was no sex possible - would this male be the lover of your dreams? That is the ultimate point- First comes love and sex is just the added luxury- sex is not love...Jezzz. Do I have to educate all of you?
Avoid techno dating or attempted dating through the key boards. From what I notice the virtual world is awash with thousands of losers...lazy folks who think love might just be a click away.
Love and sex will always be a physical thing in the idea that nothing can replace real eye contact- real touch- and real humor..."lol" will never replace a real laugh. I hear about the "spark" or "chemistry"- there is no such thing as chemistry. There is a woman we call the "dog lady" cos' she is always with her mutt when you see her. When I run into her she insists that we have a "chemistry" - I am starting wonder what this means. I have come to the realization that what she means is that she will get in bed with anything that has a pulse.
Here is the core of the problem with older people "dating"...we all think we are running out of time and must rush things. Men are worried about performance- will the plumbing still function? Woman are thinking that if I don't get a man- any man I will grow older and less attractive and end up alone
The right person is out there- You will be able to spot them..and they will know you instantly- Don't be afraid of rejection- it rarely happens at this stage of the game.
Great post Oleg though I don't agree with all of it and I want to take on some of your points, though it could stand alone. First of all, please don't insult those who OL date--too many really cool people either attempt it or meet an SO that way for me to agree with you on that one. Too bad I wasn't meeting the cool people but I may give it another whirl later this summer. It's true there is a lot of crazy stuff in there but just like a good resale store you have to sift through the dross to find a good one.
About the "no such thing as chemistry." Not sure what you mean by that but I'd imagine that if we sat and discussed this we'd reach some sort of agreement. If there was no such thing then why would we "know each other instantly" when we meet? Why do I get sort of giddy when I dance with some men and not others? Not that everyone I have chemistry with is going to be an appropriate partner, but anyone I don't share chemistry with is not going to work, no matter how much I want it to. And sometimes one person will feel it and the other will not--unrequited love and probably true of your dog lady.
I sort of think of chemistry in a new agey kind of way--like we're all tuned to certain frequencies and some people we can pick up their signal and most we can't--then there is the complex interplay of hormones but so much more. It has to be that way and it has to be rare, or more marriages would be messed up than already are due to people chasing after others who share their chemistry.
Here is the core of the problem with older people "dating"...we all think we are running out of time and must rush things. You certainly touched a nerve on me with that one. Yes that is exactly what I feel like and I know too many older women who don't get dates anymore, no matter how attractive they may be. I have this terrible feeling that I may be letting a really good one get away while I whine about a spark, so I will go tonight and we have a date at an outdoor cafe in a neat part of the city and it will be a beautiful evening and if that doesn't make me feel romantic. . .
Some smart ass (literally) just sent me a message and states "That was beautifully written but the lover of my dreams is male".......okay- Yah had to get that in---who says there is no gay lobby. Lets put it this way and I give this advice to young lovers...hetro ones....IF your penis fell off and your girl fiends vagina and breasts disappeared..would you still love each other- would you still be bonded by real love?"
In the case of the gay interloper who sent me a rep- ask yourself that same question - If there was no sex possible - would this male be the lover of your dreams? That is the ultimate point- First comes love and sex is just the added luxury- sex is not love...Jezzz. Do I have to educate all of you?
Oleg, ya big goof--I repped you and signed my name. You directed your post to me as if I were a man, or so it seemed, and I'm not. My penis did not fall off--never had one to begin with.
Besides that, since half my family is gay I feel that I can speak with some authority on this point--for gays, as with everybody else, it really is who you develop feelings for--as I said before, attraction is composed of many things and I could never be attracted to a woman in a sexual way and only to some men and that does not make me superior. I say this from the viewpoint of someone who got screwed over big time by a gay man so please don't think I'm saying this lightly.
Anyway Oleg, can you please stop with the insulting people? I looked at your profile--you're only 70 yo--not nearly old enough to get to say whatever you want to people. I'm sure you pride yourself on your honesty but this was abrasive.
OK, laughing at myself. Got home from being with him tonight and he just hugged me again so maybe he wants exactly what I want--a friend to hang out with. Like I said, dating in middle age is confusing--last time I was really out there I had to fight to keep my jeans on but now I'm just as likely to be friendzoned. I'm going with it and paying my way.
OK, laughing at myself. Got home from being with him tonight and he just hugged me again so maybe he wants exactly what I want--a friend to hang out with. Like I said, dating in middle age is confusing--last time I was really out there I had to fight to keep my jeans on but now I'm just as likely to be friendzoned. I'm going with it and paying my way.
I'm 45. If I don't want to rip my clothes off... then I don't want a relationship.
OK, laughing at myself. Got home from being with him tonight and he just hugged me again so maybe he wants exactly what I want--a friend to hang out with. Like I said, dating in middle age is confusing--last time I was really out there I had to fight to keep my jeans on but now I'm just as likely to be friendzoned. I'm going with it and paying my way.
Well, at least you might get a buddy.....
IDK... I wonder what it would be like to be out there dating in the 40's and 50's.
I was never a big "player" type of dude when I was single.... to me the whole trying to pick up chicks felt so foreign and fake to me.... like I was watching some bad script play out in front of me.
I think now.. I'd probably say these thoughts to a woman and scare her off........
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