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OP, don't listen to the posters who criticize you for holding his financial situation against him. I think you're completely justified. It's one thing to run into some bad times, but this guy sounds like he completely overextended himself. He bought houses he couldn't afford. He lived too close to the edge. I wouldn't commit myself to a guy like that either. If financial security is important to you, this guy is not for you. So leave him as kindly and gently as you can.
I quit.dating a guy who, at 53, lived with an aunt & uncle. He's a pilot with lots of seniority & good pay, but clearly doesn't have it all going on. Sure, something unfortunate set him back (divorce about 4 years ago), but he lived with them for 2 YEARS. He was considering buying an expensive car just to impress me! He spent money on shallow stuff, but he didn't do any other investing other than his pension from the airline. Conversations showed that he really didn't have a clue about his finances. I was going to dump him anyway for other reasons, but that was the final straw for me. I need someone who thinks like me about finances.
BTW, valuing financial savvy and security does NOT make one a gold digger, as some would imply. Ignore them.
OP, don't listen to the posters who criticize you for holding his financial situation against him. I think you're completely justified. It's one thing to run into some bad times, but this guy sounds like he completely overextended himself. He bought houses he couldn't afford. He lived too close to the edge. I wouldn't commit myself to a guy like that either. If financial security is important to you, this guy is not for you. So leave him as kindly and gently as you can.
I quit.dating a guy who, at 53, lived with an aunt & uncle. He's a pilot with lots of seniority & good pay, but clearly doesn't have it all going on. Sure, something unfortunate set him back (divorce about 4 years ago), but he lived with them for 2 YEARS. He was considering buying an expensive car just to impress me! He spent money on shallow stuff, but he didn't do any other investing other than his pension from the airline. Conversations showed that he really didn't have a clue about his finances. I was going to dump him anyway for other reasons, but that was the final straw for me. I need someone who thinks like me about finances.
BTW, valuing financial savvy and security does NOT make one a gold digger, as some would imply. Ignore them.
I'm with RG^^.
If you see him in 5 or 10 years and being in the same spot financially then bail. If this is a temporary condition and can be turned around stay. This guy had to have his financial house in order at one time to have an expensive house, me thinks.
So, with that said, is it wrong to look for prospects while with my BF and "shop around"..??
Sorry, I didn't read the whole thread, but I would say that it's wrong to look for prospects if your boyfriend doesn't know that you're looking for prospects. How would you feel if he were looking for prospects behind your back?
Sorry, I didn't read the whole thread, but I would say that it's wrong to look for prospects if your boyfriend doesn't know that you're looking for prospects. How would you feel if he were looking for prospects behind your back?
It may be wrong, but I bet you it happens all the time.
I bet if the OP was a man he would be slammed by angry women calling him "cheater, cheater and dammed to Hell"
I currently have a boyfriend and he makes me happy. But I feel like I am settling.
Reason I say this is because he is 36..lives at home..his car recently got repo'd...and now he is on Workman's Compensation for his technician job.
And I don't know why, but he purchased a few houses in Atlanta, yet he lives in Queens, NYC. (One of the houses got foreclosed)
I am really trying to make something of my life and it isn't easy. I want someone of equal ambition!
I mean, granted, I still live at home and I am 26. But I work and have my own car and am planning to move out this year.
So, with that said, is it wrong to look for prospects while with my BF and "shop around"..??
How, exactly, does he make you happy? You seem to be describing a loser. Wait, never mind, you don't have to get graphic. But look at it this way: he's a financial risk. he has demonstrated poor judgment investment-wise. Living at home at 26 isn't a big deal. At 36, it's a big deal, but maybe that's because of his work injury, we don't have all the facts.
It's not fair to stay in a relationship with someone while you're looking for something better, you're leading him on. Unless he's secretly looking for something better, then you have a bigger potential mess and more potential drama. A lot of people do this, but that doesn't mean it's right. There will be a lot more drama if you break up with him saying, I've found someone else who I like better/has his act together/whatever (fill in the blank), than if you say you're breaking up with him because you've decided the relationship isn't working for you, or you don't share the same goals, or whatever (fill in the blank). What you need is a good break-up reason/spiel. That would make a great topic for its own thread.
I bet if the OP was a man he would be slammed by angry women calling him "cheater, cheater and dammed to Hell"
No "he" wouldn't, because "he" hasn't cheated yet. The whole point of the OP's question is to get opinions on whether she should leave before even any opportunity to cheat presents itself. The OP is doing the right thing, and is demonstrating she has a conscience.
No "he" wouldn't, because "he" hasn't cheated yet. The whole point of the OP's question is to get opinions on whether she should leave before even any opportunity to cheat presents itself. The OP is doing the right thing, and is demonstrating she has a conscience.
This is very true.
UPDATE: I decided to break up with him. Not specifically for the reason I originally posted.
But I had wanted to attend a seafood festival this past weekend here in Belmar, NJ and he picked a fight so that we wouldn't have to attend, but before then stated, "You invited me, so you must be paying!"
So on top of paying, I was also driving the entire two hours and picking him up from the bus stop.
I currently have a boyfriend and he makes me happy. But I feel like I am settling.
Reason I say this is because he is 36..lives at home..his car recently got repo'd...and now he is on Workman's Compensation for his technician job.
And I don't know why, but he purchased a few houses in Atlanta, yet he lives in Queens, NYC. (One of the houses got foreclosed)
I am really trying to make something of my life and it isn't easy. I want someone of equal ambition!
I mean, granted, I still live at home and I am 26. But I work and have my own car and am planning to move out this year.
So, with that said, is it wrong to look for prospects while with my BF and "shop around"..??
It is not wrong to want more for yourself, but if you don't see a future with him, let him go so he can find his own happiness. To keep him around so you can dump him for someone else is unacceptable. I would be hesitant to trust you in a committed relationship.
I currently have a boyfriend and he makes me happy. But I feel like I am settling.
Reason I say this is because he is 36..lives at home..his car recently got repo'd...and now he is on Workman's Compensation for his technician job.
And I don't know why, but he purchased a few houses in Atlanta, yet he lives in Queens, NYC. (One of the houses got foreclosed)
I am really trying to make something of my life and it isn't easy. I want someone of equal ambition!
I mean, granted, I still live at home and I am 26. But I work and have my own car and am planning to move out this year.
So, with that said, is it wrong to look for prospects while with my BF and "shop around"..??
It IS wrong if youve made a solid commitment to make him your b/f and told him so..and he with you. The whole idea behind having a committed relationship with someone is to concentrate on THAT relationship to see if it has good potential for eventual marriage providing that is what you are both looking for down the road in your lives. If you are dating with no marriage in mind , you should still not be looking elsewhere because you still made a commitment to that one person (if indeed this was the case) . If you made no such commitment, then you are both free to consider other people to date and get to know better. We must apply alot of integrity and dignity in our relationships with others. If you feel you want to explore other people then at least be honest and tell him so , so theres an understanding between you both.
Lastly, I would encourage you to make a firm list of the things which you cannot have in a prospective dating / relationship Partner ; some basic criteria should include a man who is stable in a job / who has an optimistic outlook / who is reasonably financially secure / who lives a responsible life / is supporting himself by at least age 30 / who has no addictions / who has strong morals and ethics / is assertive and not lazy / and who treats Others with a high degree of respect and value. Dont compromise in these fundamental areas when considering the opposite sex for relationship . Also, be this kind of person yourself and youll be a very good catch for the right man.
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But look at it this way: he's a financial risk. he has demonstrated poor judgment investment-wise. Living at home at 26 isn't a big deal. At 36, it's a big deal, but maybe that's because of his work injury, we don't have all the facts.
