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Dr. Danbo, you did just what you should have. Obviously there is more to the story. We don't know the whole story so no one should judge you. She said you weren't meeting her "needs", so you decided a quick exit was in order. Makes perfect sense to me. No fighting, condemning etc. Besides, where is it written that men are required to meet all their women's needs?
I'm going along with this response. We don't know the whole story or what exactly her "needs" were, which could be much more than anyone might want to indulge in. I'm guessing there had been some discussion of "needs". The difference between "needs" and "desires" is tricky though and maybe something an individual cannot judge for another.
This is interesting. I see different reactions based on peoples own experiences. Mine is one that when my college girl friend said something similar she was already one foot out the door with someone I thought was a friend of mine. My wife said this multiple times in our marriage. As I look back and know more, it always came out of her mouth when someone else was meeting her needs. If a woman were to use those words with me today, I would likely consider the book closed on her, whether I ask what she means by it or not. My experience tells me that these are not words spoken by a woman who wants to fix things, but wants to point out why you aren't going to be good enough. I am sure there are different experiences for people to compare with, but this man's response in comparison with my experience is totally rational and mature. If a woman wants to communicate a need or desire to me that she would like me to meet, she should not start with a general statement that indicates failure, but simply voice what she desires and give me a chance to decide what I am going to do about it.
I said earlier that she likely was referring to her emotional needs, not necessarily just physical ones.
It strikes me as odd, and lazy, that you didn't even bother to ask.
I think he already knew but was purposefully ignoring them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by round4
LOL...fact is they communicated. Maybe not well, but they did...at 50 ish he nor she has time to spare...cut to the chase, she should have been more direct...or siad "don't go, lets' talk... but her flat "ok" seemed pretty "done" to me.
on the other hand, why do I even give a rats butt. lol
Did you read the part where he told her that she didn't have needs and even if she did, it wouldn't matter because he wasn't going to do it?
This is interesting. I see different reactions based on peoples own experiences. Mine is one that when my college girl friend said something similar she was already one foot out the door with someone I thought was a friend of mine. My wife said this multiple times in our marriage. As I look back and know more, it always came out of her mouth when someone else was meeting her needs. If a woman were to use those words with me today, I would likely consider the book closed on her, whether I ask what she means by it or not. My experience tells me that these are not words spoken by a woman who wants to fix things, but wants to point out why you aren't going to be good enough. I am sure there are different experiences for people to compare with, but this man's response in comparison with my experience is totally rational and mature. If a woman wants to communicate a need or desire to me that she would like me to meet, she should not start with a general statement that indicates failure, but simply voice what she desires and give me a chance to decide what I am going to do about it.
I can see what you mean here. And you are right. When I have a perceived need I am more likely to voice it gently instead of a general blanket statement of disappointment. There is no way for us to know the ins and outs of their relationship though and all he gave us to go off of were two rude statements and a mutually flat departure.
She's a wealthy fifty-ish, divorced real estate agent with no children whom I've dated over the last nine months; I'm a fifty-five-ish, busy physician.
I answered her statement, "You don't have needs, just desires. And if you did have needs, I would'nt have the time nor the desire to fulfill them." Without hesitation she responded flatly, "OK".
I uncuddled, got up, got dressed, then while turning toward the bedroom doorI said, "Good bye". Driving home, I saw those moments over in my mind as watching a scene in a movie. Politeness goes a long way...
Thought I'd share.
Politeness does go a long way. Unfortunately, you missed the mark by far. A distant galaxy type of far, you pompous, weak-nerved Martian.
Wow, I just don't know how to go about saying the rest without getting yet another infraction on my account.
This is interesting. I see different reactions based on peoples own experiences. Mine is one that when my college girl friend said something similar she was already one foot out the door with someone I thought was a friend of mine. My wife said this multiple times in our marriage. As I look back and know more, it always came out of her mouth when someone else was meeting her needs. If a woman were to use those words with me today, I would likely consider the book closed on her, whether I ask what she means by it or not. My experience tells me that these are not words spoken by a woman who wants to fix things, but wants to point out why you aren't going to be good enough. I am sure there are different experiences for people to compare with, but this man's response in comparison with my experience is totally rational and mature. If a woman wants to communicate a need or desire to me that she would like me to meet, she should not start with a general statement that indicates failure, but simply voice what she desires and give me a chance to decide what I am going to do about it.
We certainly can't know what MAY have been brought up over the last 9 months, but if walking out on conversations happens to be Dan's style, then he may have not been listening previously either.
Like it or not; Men State, Women Negotiate. Woman-speak communication protocols usually start by asking questions to make statements and making statements to ask questions. This is totally backwards and makes NO sense to men, especially, men that won't accept that's just the way it is and work within the defined species we live in. Dan most likely heard a man's version of what a woman was trying to communicate. Since Dr. Dan has no interest in improving in this area, albeit that he is probably a high IQ person, she may do better to move on anyhow.
Based on the data provided, I would guess that she was using woman-speak to ask if he is willing to provide her with more emotional connection, but he interpreted it as a complaint, a statement of his inadequacy, and cut off the conversation. Sitting there stunned by a response that would have seemed extreme and almost unrelated to what she was trying to open a negotiation dialog about, she was left with only, "OK...".
Good, balanced, self-respecting, women generally do not seek out someone else to build attraction for them if their current man is genuinely and effectively stoking their attraction oven, rather the opposite is true, they will hurt anyone that messes with a man that knows how to sweep her off her feet and amp her up properly. Guys, need to be men, but part of truly doing that is realizing that women are entirely different creatures and you CAN NOT analyze their behavior using male protocols. It will fail every time.
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