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Old 06-07-2012, 04:11 AM
 
Location: Somewhere out there...
3,663 posts, read 8,172,895 times
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Spouses, they love you and want the best for you, but do they....? do they secretly want you all to their selves, making you somewhat miserable, meanwhile they don't realize, or do they....? they are contributing directly to the situation?!
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Old 06-07-2012, 07:11 AM
 
Location: Florida
2,291 posts, read 5,413,354 times
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Sounds like a control issue, one person wanting to control another.
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Old 06-07-2012, 07:24 AM
 
Location: Austin
2,163 posts, read 3,147,737 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by asitshouldbe View Post
Spouses, they love you and want the best for you, but do they....? do they secretly want you all to their selves, making you somewhat miserable, meanwhile they don't realize, or do they....? they are contributing directly to the situation?!
What are you talking about, exactly? I do think it's terribly destructive to a relationship when one party wants 110% of the other's time and demands their constant presence. That is scary and unhealthy.
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Old 06-07-2012, 09:43 AM
 
13,513 posts, read 17,627,904 times
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Yes asitshouldbe....they DO want whats best for you....and if they are confidant in their relationship, no, they don't want you all to themselves.....and if they are making you miserable,..yes...they DO know it....they just want YOU to deal with their own insecurities while they feign innocense.
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Old 06-07-2012, 11:53 AM
 
Location: Florida
7,269 posts, read 9,925,176 times
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I understand the "gist" of this, however, I'm unable to entirely decipher exactly where you are going with it.

Are you talking about the sort of controlling situation [using the following as an example only], like where a controlling man loves a woman, yet, encourages her weight gain [without saying] so less men look at her for his own benefit to keep her?

Hope you will add to your original post for additional info.
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Old 06-07-2012, 12:53 PM
 
1,140 posts, read 1,988,955 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by asitshouldbe View Post
Spouses, they love you and want the best for you, but do they....? do they secretly want you all to their selves, making you somewhat miserable, meanwhile they don't realize, or do they....? they are contributing directly to the situation?!
I do think there a lot of people in relationships who just want there own way - and have to ask why not just be single if that is your mindset.
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Old 06-07-2012, 03:10 PM
 
Location: NY
9,131 posts, read 17,506,238 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by asitshouldbe View Post
Spouses, they love you and want the best for you, but do they....? do they secretly want you all to their selves, making you somewhat miserable, meanwhile they don't realize, or do they....? they are contributing directly to the situation?!
This sounds like a sweeping generalization, and although there are instances where a spouse may end up demanding too much time, and making the other miserable by smothering them, this is not true as a general rule.

Many married couples are very respective of each other's individuality, and need for their own time.
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Old 06-07-2012, 05:59 PM
 
Location: Australia
4,004 posts, read 5,820,836 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by asitshouldbe View Post
Spouses, they love you and want the best for you, but do they....? do they secretly want you all to their selves, making you somewhat miserable, meanwhile they don't realize, or do they....? they are contributing directly to the situation?!

There's not many really healthy relationships around IMO.

With the benefit of hindsight I can see a million ways that my ex-hub would try to passively undermine me.

He certainly never actively encouraged me in anything, and was likely to express doubts and try to extinguish any enthusiasm I had. Very subtle.

Example - I joined a gym, began to eat more healthily, lose weight and generally look and feel better. He decided to buy me a chocolate cake for my birthday which cost a fortune, and was double chocolate mud rolled in layers and layers of fanned solid chocolate, covered in strawberries and toffee.

Every other year I got something from a packet.
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Old 06-07-2012, 09:33 PM
 
Location: Somewhere out there...
3,663 posts, read 8,172,895 times
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It is amazing, all the different angles people can go with this. It was more of a thought, about relationships in general, many I've seen, I'm sure a lot of people have seen, if you really think about it.
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Old 06-08-2012, 05:00 AM
 
Location: Florida
7,269 posts, read 9,925,176 times
Reputation: 6029
Quote:
Originally Posted by asitshouldbe View Post
It is amazing, all the different angles people can go with this. It was more of a thought, about relationships in general, many I've seen, I'm sure a lot of people have seen, if you really think about it.
You threw a tree out there with many branches for others to sit on, without details of how tall the tree is, exactly how many branches are on it, or how thick the branches are. Much less, what season the tree is thriving in.

I've thought about it and I am still sitting here looking at this thread with a perplexed look. You gave no specifics "to be seen," only imagined. My guess by the lack of response is that many others are wondering "WTF?!" too.

Anyway, thank you for sharing your thoughts. I regret that your view on relationships is a bit skewed.
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