Age difference/parents/the whole thing is a mess. Need advice.
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I would not break it off if you really care for this guy.......Age is not a big deal as long as you both are adults. As far as being divorced, that does not make you a bad person. Give his parents a chance....My son is 25 and has dated older women since he was 20. His fiance is 10 yrs. older then him. My son thought he had to try and hide the truth from my husband and I. He fineally told me and I have no problem with it or the fact that my son is a divorcee. As long as my son is happy and he stays a part of my life then I am happy for him. I am sure your boyfriends parents feel the same, give them a chance........
Your insecurities are getting the best of you. Don't sabotage a good thing because you are concerned about what you "think" his parents think of you. Just relax a bit about it.
I guess I am going against the grain here, but I have to say it: I think you feel like you are robbing a bit of his life from him because that is exactly what you are doing. You have been dating for only a year, and are about to fast track this relationship so that you can bear a child. No man of his age should rush into marriage like this. The pace of this relationship is about to accelerate for your benefit, not for his. You are the one with the narrow window to have a child, not him. If you truly love him, having cold feet is perfectly apropos. He is 30 or so, not 40 or so. It isn't fair to demand the level of commitment you require in only a year. If you truly love him, hold off for another 2 years, which would be right for him. If doing so would not be right for you (due to wanting to be impregnated) then he isn't right for you.
Last edited by OngletNYC; 06-19-2012 at 08:53 PM..
Ten years isn't that much if you're both adults. My personal motto, if you're biologically old enough to be the person's mother/father then that's the deal breaker.
As for the kid thing, well, I keep following the thread about men who don't want kids and wondering where I stand on this. As mentioned, I never wanted kids with my husband who was a big baby himself and wouldn't deal with severe depression and anger issues. But with this relationship, I don't know. I am ambivalent as I concentrated on my career and enjoy my kid free lifestyle. If there was a kid, we had chatted about one biological and perhaps one more adopted. But I go back and forth, as does he.
Should you guys not want kids who cares. Just be happy.
Should you want kids, you're already advanced maternal age. When will you want them? Will you still want one 5 years from now? What if he does? Kids are a bigger deal if you're the older one since you have the biological clock.
True. And this is something that would be on the horizon with me for any relationship. I didn't have kids with my ex husband because I didn't think he would be a good father. So I kind of crossed that off of my list.
My current partner has said that he could go either way. I only have a few years left to make this decision, so if we decide to move ahead with a family, we will need to fast forward. Which is why its essential that we create some kind of strong connection with his family: mine is not in the picture. I also don't want him to feel cheated if we pass the window of opportunity for a family of our own.
The fact that he so cavalierly mentioned things I would rather not air in public is a maturity issue. It shows a lack of sensitivity. He claims its not a big deal because his parents don't care, but it *is* a big deal to me. I care.
Yes, I am an overthinker. Yes, I have a tendency to try to push people away and feel bad about myself. It sounds as though many of you would agree that this is what I am doing. But I think some of these points are valid. He is a great guy, don't get me wrong, but I am seeing some red flags.
Maybe it shows immaturity, maybe it shows that he is confident in the relationship with you and you are not. The age difference is really NOT a big deal. Having children in a hurry is sort of a deal but not the business of anyone else but you too. It sounds like you've accepted your own insecurities which is great but you need to accept where your partner is too. Try not to assume specific people are judging you and don't assume the awkward stuff is all he told his mother about you either. I am sure he has a lot of positive things to say.
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