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Old 06-11-2012, 06:16 PM
 
Location: Manhattan, KS
104 posts, read 234,754 times
Reputation: 28

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Hey all. I'm looking for advice on this matter because I am going INSANE!! My boyfriend really needs to grow up and I don't know what to do to motivate him. He hasn't had a job in about 6 months. He claims that he tries, its too hard and stressful. But I fill out his apps for him, made his resume, send them out to employers online, etc. Before, he was making good money, and at one point working 2-3 jobs at a time(we were not together during this time). Most of his jobs during the past few years have been under the table working for friends. The last "real" job he had was 3 or 4 years ago.

So in this relationship, I am the only one with a car and the only one with a job. I don't make very much(Working on finding something better). I am having to take care of the both of us on a one person "just getting by" income. He adds expenses like they are nothing, without thinking about the stress he is causing me. For example, I have one cat, but he has brought in 2 strays that we are now feeding. It gets expensive! He is always asking me to buy him things that are cheap but I still can't afford.

With every paycheck I get I sit down and tell him how much I have after rent, bills, etc. It is usually only about $100-$150. I explain to him that this is all I have for food, gas, etc. to last until my next paycheck(I am paid twice a month). I explain this all to him hoping he will understand that we have basically no wiggle room. Yet he continues to ask for things and when i tell him i don't have money(meaning i literally have $20 in my pocket and it's a week and a half until my next paycheck) he gets mad.

He constantly tries to make me seem like the bad person because I "only care about money" and he "doesn't need money to enjoy life".

Sorry for such a long post but I can't seem to figure this out. I know he isn't normally like this. I've been "stuck" before. And he is not a bad person like this post might make him seem. Some people tell me to just forget about him and take care of myself. Others tell me to be supportive and help him out of this hole. He likes to have other people take care of him and do things for him. How can I motivate him to do things for himself or make him understand how much stress he is causing me without making him feel like I am attacking him???

HELP
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Old 06-11-2012, 06:23 PM
 
Location: Florida
2,156 posts, read 2,359,495 times
Reputation: 4612
You are enabling him. If he really wants to find a job...any job...he would make finding one, his full time job.

Give him 1 month to find a job and start contributing if he doesn't...toss him out.

You have no future with this freeloader.
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Old 06-11-2012, 06:25 PM
 
Location: USA
1,382 posts, read 1,029,955 times
Reputation: 2275
No, he doesn't need money to enjoy life....he has you supporting him! Keep the cats and kick him out.
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Old 06-11-2012, 06:26 PM
 
6,387 posts, read 3,812,619 times
Reputation: 15041
DUMP HIM. I'm sorry, but you're just carrying him. Why are you even bothering with this guy? If he cared about you, he would be taking care of his own expenses or working like crazy to do so.

This dude is a leech. Don't try to fix the relationship. If he doesn't need money to enjoy life, let him enjoy life WITHOUT YOU AND YOUR MONEY. Seriously. Kick his butt out and don't look back.

I don't care how nice he is, how much you two have in common, how good in bed he is or whatever reasons you're giving for staying with him. He's not nice (telling you you only care about money is NOT nice - it's bull****). He's lazy. He's selfish. He's exploitative. Need I go on? I can come up with a lot more not-so-nice adjectives for him without descending into exaggeration. Oh, and he's probably a sociopath unless he has some mitigating mental illness. But EITHER WAY, dump him.
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Old 06-11-2012, 06:27 PM
 
6,387 posts, read 3,812,619 times
Reputation: 15041
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dollydo View Post
You are enabling him. If he really wants to find a job...any job...he would make finding one, his full time job.

Give him 1 month to find a job and start contributing if he doesn't...toss him out.

You have no future with this freeloader.
No, don't even give him a month. No man worth anything would mooch of his woman for an extended period of time and then ATTACK HER when she protests. He ain't worth it. He doesn't even qualify as a man, in my book.
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Old 06-11-2012, 06:28 PM
 
Location: Viña del Mar, Chile
14,517 posts, read 13,024,007 times
Reputation: 13337
Wow, what a pathetic excuse for a guy. It's one thing to want to enjoy life and another thing to be a lazy piece of crap. I put up with most people and their decisions because everyone is entitled to their own way of life, but lazy helpless behavior is something that I will never respect.

If you're with this guy for more than a week longer that's your own fault.
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Old 06-11-2012, 06:30 PM
 
3,017 posts, read 1,774,442 times
Reputation: 1282
So you see this as a money problem?
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Old 06-11-2012, 06:30 PM
 
Location: Middle America
18,136 posts, read 15,621,234 times
Reputation: 21231
Lack of money isn't ruining your relationship...being with somebody who is using you is. Or, whatever issues landed you this prize of a guy in the first place, and motivate you to keep him around.

Announce that you will no longer be cohabiting, and see how long it takes him to start "needing money to enjoy life."
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Old 06-11-2012, 06:39 PM
 
3,045 posts, read 1,460,359 times
Reputation: 1287
So you're basically being his mommy? Why did you date him in the first place? Time to find someone new who has a job and some ambition to match yours.
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Old 06-11-2012, 06:46 PM
 
Location: Davenport, Iowa
2,433 posts, read 1,718,362 times
Reputation: 3322
He's not a nice guy if he's mad about you not giving him $20. There have been times when I've been unemployed for a while, but I wouldn't get salty at someone for not giving me money. That's a character flaw. You shouldn't have to fill out job applications for him or provide just because he's your boyfriend. He should want to better himself for him. If you give into his demands he has little reason to better himself.

Only you can decide what you should do, but he doesn't sound like a great guy if he's attacking you about money.
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