Sensitive women: relatively rare or a frequent occurrence, these days? Thoughts? (boyfriend, married)

[Cantabridgienne]

If you have dated many women and can lump them all in one category, you might need to more closely examine that the problem is you and your expectations, not them.

[Knight2009]

Originally Posted by JrzDefector

I've been told I'm very compassionate and intuitive, but soft-spoken? Sentimental? Oh hell no. I'm from Jersey. Puh-leeze.

What you're describing is a feminine ideal from decades (possibly a century) ago. It's from a time when women were viewed as "unfit for the public sphere" because of their tender sensibilities. They were supposed to preserve their delicacy while relying on their menfolk to protect them. I'm also reminded of the FLDS religion's admonition to its adherents to "keep sweet." A great slogan if you want unresisting followers.

Please also keep in mind that women often find themselves endangered because they were raised to be "nice" to people and not rock the boat.

Of the following qualities you listed: kind, soft-spoken, caring, gentle, compassionate, tenderhearted or softhearted, sentimental....

Well, kind, caring, gentle and compassionate are qualities that have real value and come from strength of character. The rest are just weakness, in my eyes because they are mostly about aesthetic value. Soft-spoken? It's lovely until someone stomps on you and you have to stand up for yourself and make yourself heard. Tenderhearted/soft-hearted? Both imply checking your brain at the door in favor of being nice (and opening yourself to being taken advantage of). Sentimental? It suggests to me someone who is sappy and puts more value on what makes a good story rather than the intrinsic value of an item or concept.

(Bolded portion above.) This is what I guess I don't quite get...assuming that a guy was blessed enough to actually find a woman who was soft-spoken, tenderhearted, softhearted, and sentimental, why in the world would he seriously want to abuse or take advantage of that, and someone as nice and caring as that? To me personally as a guy, that kind of personality in a woman is completely beautiful, and a true priceless treasure...certainly not something to be abused, but something to be cherished...

[redvelvet709]

Originally Posted by Knight2009

(Bolded portion above.) This is what I guess I don't quite get...assuming that a guy was blessed enough to actually find a woman who was soft-spoken, tenderhearted, softhearted, and sentimental, why in the world would he seriously want to abuse or take advantage of that, and someone as nice and caring as that? To me personally as a guy, that kind of personality in a woman is completely beautiful, and a true priceless treasure...certainly not something to be abused, but something to be cherished...

So enjoy reading your posts. Thanks for the viewpoint.

[Knight2009]

Originally Posted by Cantabridgienne

If you have dated many women and can lump them all in one category, you might need to more closely examine that the problem is you and your expectations, not them.

Fascinating...that statement assumes quite a bit though, since I have found that some women specifically *outside* of the D.C. Metro area can be quite a bit nicer and kinder (beats me as to why specifically?).

[redvelvet709]

Originally Posted by Knight2009

Fascinating...that statement assumes quite a bit though, since I have found that some women specifically *outside* of the D.C. Metro area can be quite a bit nicer and kinder (beats me as to why specifically?).

We Southern ladies are pretty sweet. Mostly.

[JrzDefector]

Originally Posted by Knight2009

(Bolded portion above.) This is what I guess I don't quite get...assuming that a guy was blessed enough to actually find a woman who was soft-spoken, tenderhearted, softhearted, and sentimental, why in the world would he seriously want to abuse or take advantage of that, and someone as nice and caring as that? To me personally as a guy, that kind of personality in a woman is completely beautiful, and a true priceless treasure...certainly not something to be abused, but something to be cherished...

You are seeing these things only in the context of a relationship. A woman with those qualities would not only be vulnerable to predatory partners but also to the rest of the world. Those traits you are describing are charming in children (but still leave them vulnerable) but not so much for an independently functioning adult. The woman you describe would NEED you just for the sake of having a protector. Wouldn't you rather have a woman who CHOSE you?

My suggestion? Burn that pedestal you've got waiting.

[nimchimpsky]

Originally Posted by Knight2009

Just curious for some outside perspective about something I was thinking about earlier today: do you think sensitive women are a relative rarity in today's society, or have you personally encountered them on a more frequent basis than average? (By "sensitive", I mean women who match any of the following personality characteristics or qualities: kind, soft-spoken, caring, gentle, compassionate, tenderhearted or softhearted, sentimental, etc.)

The reason I ask is because I can literally count the number of truly-sensitive women (i.e., matching the above qualities) that I have known in my life, on one hand...I guess a lot of times I honestly wish there were a lot more of them out there... Then again, part of it may be related to where I live (D.C.), which isn't exactly known for bringing out the loving, more sweet and gentle side in the ladies...

If you had to estimate, how many women would you say that you have known thus far in life, who are like this? I myself have known exactly four in my life, so far anyway...

I live in D.C. and know a lot of sensitive women, and people in general. Pretty much all the people I choose to associate with in my life are sensitive, of all genders, but also including women. I think a lot of it has to do with the social circles you are involved in through your profession, hobbies, and what area of D.C. you live in.

[nimchimpsky]

Originally Posted by JrzDefector

You are seeing these things only in the context of a relationship. A woman with those qualities would not only be vulnerable to predatory partners but also to the rest of the world. Those traits you are describing are charming in children (but still leave them vulnerable) but not so much for an independently functioning adult. The woman you describe would NEED you just for the sake of having a protector. Wouldn't you rather have a woman who CHOSE you?

My suggestion? Burn that pedestal you've got waiting.

Being sensitive does not mean you are not empowered. I know a lot of women who are both very compassionate, loving, caring, sensitive, AND also empowered, confident, ambitious, and even inspiring. Many of the women that I know will lend an ear or a shoulder to cry on, give a helping hand, reach out to others, express love and appreciation, AND also love and respect themselves enough not to allow their partners (regardless of gender) to abuse or otherwise mistreat them. In fact many of the women I know fit into several minority groups, some of them Black, Latina, Lesbian, Bi, Deaf, Blind, Disabled, etc. and they still do not let others take advantage of them and know when to speak up.

[srjth]

Originally Posted by Knight2009

(Bolded portion above.) This is what I guess I don't quite get...assuming that a guy was blessed enough to actually find a woman who was soft-spoken, tenderhearted, softhearted, and sentimental, why in the world would he seriously want to abuse or take advantage of that, and someone as nice and caring as that? To me personally as a guy, that kind of personality in a woman is completely beautiful, and a true priceless treasure...certainly not something to be abused, but something to be cherished...

You're a sweetheart.

[nimchimpsky]

Originally Posted by srjth

You're a sweetheart.

Seconded.