When to introduce your child to the new SO? (date, boyfriends, girlfriends)
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You can introduce anyone as a friend. Maybe even have a couple family dates like miniature golf, movies, or an amusement park. I wouldn't introduce anyone as a prospective partner until we were pretty sure it was going to last a while.
I have children and completely disagree with a casual introduction of your date. Talk about confusing the child. Children process information different and what seems logical to an adult can seem very upsetting for a child.
I am not sure what is confusing. After my divorce I often went out in the evening, with friends, some male, some female. They were all introduced similarly when they came to the house to pick me up... as "this is my friend Brenda," "this is my friend Dan."
My daughters were 8 and 13 when I started having a social life again after divorce. Sometimes they would tease me about a male friend, but I would always say that we were only friends, not BF/GF. Because it was true.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bmateo
All of these replies are great, and very helpful. I see a wide range of answers, but because most of you have explained WHY you answered that way, they are very helpful. Ultimately, I will take it all in and come up with what is right for me and my daughter. Please keep it coming, and THANK YOU.
If it is SOLELY dependent on the age, then just let me know what age to flip the switch. (Not to dissect your answer, but nothing happens in a vacuum. As others have said, it depends on a LOT of things. I appreciate the response, but ultimately I'm going to have to weigh age (and maturity) of child, along with other things including some which have already been stated, and some which are hopefully yet to be stated.)
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Basically, I'd say anywhere under age 13-14 would be the most cautious with. My mother had a couple of LTR's at ages 14 and 17 where I did have a small relationship with her SOs. When those LTRs broke down, it was like kinda whatever for me. I would think it would be less devastating for a child at that older age if things go South.
I am not sure what is confusing. After my divorce I often went out in the evening, with friends, some male, some female. They were all introduced similarly when they came to the house to pick me up... as "this is my friend Brenda," "this is my friend Dan."
My daughters were 8 and 13 when I started having a social life again after divorce. Sometimes they would tease me about a male friend, but I would always say that we were only friends, not BF/GF. Because it was true.
I'll chime in here, because your question is very valid, but I know (as OP) why I asked. The thing is that just like every child is different, so is every adult. The way we interact, date, "friend" and everything else is different.
What you suggest is ideally what I would like to do, and what I have thought of a lot. The problem is that if I go out to a ballgame, or mini golf or "whatever", then within one or two outings, it will be very apparent to my child that one person is special. I tend to show a lot of attention, and unfortunately (or maybe fortunately?), it's who I am, and can't turn it off.
This is why I am so appreciative of ALL of the answers. I intend to take it all in, and use what I can to formulate an opinion based on all the people involved.
Do whatever it takes to protect your child from any hurt over this, and whatever you do don't use him as the "new father",or allow your son to think that, even if his biological father is out of the picture. The child must know and deeply believe through your actions that they will always be No.1 in your life (until they have grandchildren, at which time, they start slipping as the grand kids fill up your life again).
How about the day before you two get married? That's what happened to my wife. We met her father's new wife and family the day before they got married, 20 years ago. Needless to say, my wife doesn't have a good relationship with her or her family, so I wouldn't recommend it.
How about the day before you two get married? That's what happened to my wife. We met her father's new wife and family the day before they got married, 20 years ago. Needless to say, my wife doesn't have a good relationship with her or her family, so I wouldn't recommend it.
I don't think this thread is referring to adult children.
I thought SO meant "significant" other. If they are "significant" then they should be introduced or somehow have met already. In my opinion if they haven't met the kids then they don't qualify as an SO.
After my divorce, when I dated, I did not go out of my way to hide my kids from women I was dating or vice versa. But I made it clear to women that I was dating, that around the kids we were just friends. No hand holding, no kissing, nothing. This way they got to meet my kids and my kids go to meet them.
If you wait until they become "significant" before the two meet there could be tough decisions if the meeting doesn't go as planned.
^^ I agree!
Introduce as friends first, then let them have ice cream with the two of you, or do putt putt or similar, to spend little bits of time allowing for interaction. Nothing would be worse than falling in love with someone and then she and your daughter don't get along. It is also important to lay down "ground rules" to this woman before meeting your daughter(ie: we are "friends", no physical touching, etc.) This also teaches a future lesson of the "friends first" rule of getting to know someone before they become gf/bf/so!!
Best of wishes, OP!!
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