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Old 06-27-2012, 09:44 AM
 
97 posts, read 397,973 times
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Curious if this is a weird problem or if should suck it up as a typical woman thing. Only been married 6.5 months...figured y'all know more.

I've got thousands and thousands of hours each in car wrenching, computers and personal financial strategy (all areas that affect the daily life of modern folks) yet my wife doesn't trust me in these areas when it comes to answering her questions, solving the problems she comes to me with or in making decisions for our houshold in these areas.

She's an RN...I let her handle the medical stuff and I know she knows what she is talking about and leave it to her. All of my friends/family/coworkers come to me as a trusted source yet I am having trouble managing these aspects of our household. Almost like a trust issue it feels like. She has no reason not to trust me in general (100% faithful) with the possible exception that I broke up with her once or twice during our super long 9 year dating phase.

This might seem like an odd thing to be concerned about but since these things took and take up the vast majority of my thoughts and free-time as hobbies...it feels a little hurtful that my own wife thinks I blow a lot of hot air or something...
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Old 06-27-2012, 09:51 AM
 
Location: Reno, NV
5,987 posts, read 10,450,546 times
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Tell her how you feel, and tell her what you need and expect from her in this area. If she doesn't trust or respect you, then perhaps you made a poor choice of mates.
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Old 06-27-2012, 09:55 AM
 
97 posts, read 397,973 times
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Oh, we definitely talk about this very problem all the time. I'm a pretty open person, I don't hold things back...they always get discussed. Usually her response to this trust issue is "I DO trust you". Believe me, I don't think trust issues were apparently while we were dating or we would not have come this far. Could be a phase...dunno. I am considering talking to a counselor with her soon to see if we can figure out what we need to do.
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Old 06-27-2012, 09:55 AM
 
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"Personal finance strategy" should probably be more of a mutually-agreed upon subject, regardless of you "hobby".
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Old 06-27-2012, 09:57 AM
 
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What is "car wrenching"? It definitely sounds like something I wouldn't want happening to my vehicle!
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Old 06-27-2012, 10:02 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cantabridgienne View Post
"Personal finance strategy" should probably be more of a mutually-agreed upon subject, regardless of you "hobby".
I agree but it has actually gone the opposite way of that. At this point we are running with her managing and paying all of the bills, using all of her original accounts, her credit card, no debit-only, her way or the highway on which bills are monthly and which we pay lump etc... The only compromise I've received so far was on creating a emergency fund which was funded from the savings I brought to the table. Supposed to get her savings pre-marriage into a regular savings but that gets a brow raised whenever it comes up.

Don't get me wrong, it can be kind of blissful to rarely look at the bills but she is part time only so it feels a little weird.
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Old 06-27-2012, 10:07 AM
 
97 posts, read 397,973 times
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Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
What is "car wrenching"? It definitely sounds like something I wouldn't want happening to my vehicle!
I was trying to be generic but I have bought, sold, owned and maintained over 30 vehicles in the past ten years alone. I've spent thousands and thousands of hours working on many aspects of many different vehicles diagnosing, repairing, maintaining, upgrading, research, reading, understanding etc... It is the single biggest thing I have spent time on for my adult life yet my wife doesn't respect my decision making on keeping our cars maintained and repaired and ends up taking hers to the dealer, overpaying and getting fed lies about what needs to be done etc... Probably hard for most people to understand my feelings on this, but it comes down to some weird feeling of distrust that I can't handle this aspect of our household.
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Old 06-27-2012, 10:13 AM
 
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Just an observation, but how much time do you spend with your hobbies vs with your wife? Maybe she resents these activities that take your time and proximity away from her, and she doesn't want to do anything to encourage the neglect.
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Old 06-27-2012, 10:24 AM
 
97 posts, read 397,973 times
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Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
Just an observation, but how much time do you spend with your hobbies vs with your wife? Maybe she resents these activities that take your time and proximity away from her, and she doesn't want to do anything to encourage the neglect.
Good question, I've thought about that especially since she does accuse me often of not spending enough time with her. However, I spend much, much, much less time on hobbies now that we are married and living in the same house than when we were dating. For many years before we got married we usually hung out on the weekends and maybe once during the week. I personally feel like I have given her a lot more time and attention since we got married and moved in.
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Old 06-27-2012, 10:36 AM
 
22,284 posts, read 21,662,335 times
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Originally Posted by Accel Junky View Post
I personally feel like I have given her a lot more time and attention since we got married and moved in.
And what does SHE feel?
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