Total opposites, but such a sweetheart, is it worth it? (dating, Christian)
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This guy is such a good person. Calls/texts me every day. We both grew to love each other and be in love with each other. Never, ever looked at another girl in a sexual way. Only looked at me that way. Even the ones that dress all sexy. He looks at them in the face, not their boobs, etc. Never has lied. Said will never cheat on me or hit me or disrespect me and will always be there for me and from what I've seen so far, believe him. We are able to fight and argue respectfully. Always kept his promises. We have ironed out a few wrinkles in each other and we are able to tell each other anything about anyone or each other, etc. I'm a good person as well and have all the traits as him as far as cheating, respectable, etc. We reciprocate each other. We are always working on our relationship to make it better if one of us has any issues and we usually do. We trust each other immensely.
He doesn't have any bad habits like gambling, porno, drinking, smoking, hanging out too much, etc.
BUT.... we have totally NOTHING in common. We are complete opposites:
He like outdoors, I like indoors
I like movies and he falls asleep on most (not all)
He likes cars and well, I don't
I'm a planner, he is not
I like to talk, he does not
I'm more affectionate than him although he is trying and is more affectionate lately
We are so not compatible. But I know there is a lotta crap out there 'cause I have been in relationships before. I was in a relationship with a compatible person and he cheated on me, hung out, stole money, etc., yet we had a good time talking and doing things together.
Ugh!! It's so frustrating. I keep telling him that we are not compatible and we have nothing in common and he's like "I like being with you, so what, we love each other". We have been going out for almost a year. We have been through a lot together in a little bit of time.
I'm afraid to let him go because he is such a good person with good morals/values, etc. But I feel there's something missing. People say 'you know when the right person comes along because you will feel it.' I love him and am in love with him and miss him when he's not around and can't wait to see him and am happy when I do. He feels the same way, he's told me so and I see it in his eyes. I've heard about people feeling lonely in relationships and I don't want that to be me. I know no relationship is perfect, but I heard that being compatible is one thing to a happy relationship.
Do I need to grow up/suck it up/whatever or move on? Is love enough?
I think compatibility is important, but sometimes opposites are good. Wouldn't it be boring to date someone who you had everything in common with? I love myself, but I wouldn't want to date someone exactly like me. Someone with differences can push you and challenge you. It makes things interesting! I think some differences are necessary to keep balance in a relationship. If this guy treats you wonderfully and you love each other, enjoy spending time together, and work hard at your relationship then I think you'd be pretty foolish to chuck him because you don't feel you have enough in common.
You're either happy or you're not. But I'll be clear on one thing, if my gf started talking about not being compatible I'd already be out looking for new girls while she's spouting off that bs.
If you're happy, what's the problem? I think the things to consider are when you feel unhappy or lonely. How often does that happen? And the things that are lacking, can you get them from other people in your life?
Do you feel you are lacking in intimacy in any way?
I think the things you listed are not BIG things. When you watch a movie and he falls asleep, do you miss talking to him about the movie? Does he go camping and leave you at home? There are some things that may be annoying at times but what you feel in your heart and what you know to be true at this time is what's important.
My husband and I have some differences: I like going out to the movies but he doesn't. But we'll stay in and watch movies so that has to be a compromise...not a bad one. There are others but my point is: do you worry or do you have peace? For me, having peace in your heart and KNOWING the strength of that love far outweighs my irritation with him for not wanting to be in crowded places (which is just about everywhere nowadays).
You'll have to answer for yourself but if you have all these wonderful qualities working for you, the other stuff will fall into place. You'll develop interests together. Just make sure you look at the important stuff (kids, money etc.) and determine if that is where you're compatible.
My first wife was a complete opposite of me, Ive been there, got the tshirt, wouldnt do it again.
That said, I dont think what you listed is that bad. Sounds mostly just like you have different interests and different personalities, which can be expected from two people.
Here is what you need to really be concerned about
1. On the same page about money, if one is a spend thrift and the other is a saver, thats probably doomed
2. Around the same intellegence level. There is nothing that annoyed me more than trying to have a conversation of any merit with my ex wife, who was a complete idiot.
3. Share just a few interests. So what, he likes cars and you dont. As long as you guys have a couple things you can do together, that works. My current wife and I like almost none of the same activities, but we can come together on a few things. If you have absolutely nothing to share, that could be tough. That just leads to both of you either having to tolerate the others interest, or just pretty much living "separate but together".
4. Religion and Politics could be huge, but depends on the person. For instance, my wife is a devout Christian, and sometimes talks about "god", and I am an atheist. She simply tries not to cross lines of mine, and I dont cross hers. Politics....I dont know, I think Id have a tough time with dating a right wing nut job, that would probably be a deal breaker, but I assume it could be dealt with the same way.
5. Outlook on the future. If you guys arent on the same page about where everything is headed, you might have a problem.
These things are real issues. Anything else is just BS in my opinion.
This guy is such a good person. Calls/texts me every day. We both grew to love each other and be in love with each other. Never, ever looked at another girl in a sexual way. Only looked at me that way. Even the ones that dress all sexy. He looks at them in the face, not their boobs, etc. Never has lied. Said will never cheat on me or hit me or disrespect me and will always be there for me and from what I've seen so far, believe him. We are able to fight and argue respectfully. Always kept his promises. We have ironed out a few wrinkles in each other and we are able to tell each other anything about anyone or each other, etc. I'm a good person as well and have all the traits as him as far as cheating, respectable, etc. We reciprocate each other. We are always working on our relationship to make it better if one of us has any issues and we usually do. We trust each other immensely.
He doesn't have any bad habits like gambling, porno, drinking, smoking, hanging out too much, etc.
BUT.... we have totally NOTHING in common. We are complete opposites:
He like outdoors, I like indoors
I like movies and he falls asleep on most (not all)
He likes cars and well, I don't
I'm a planner, he is not
I like to talk, he does not
I'm more affectionate than him although he is trying and is more affectionate lately
We are so not compatible. But I know there is a lotta crap out there 'cause I have been in relationships before. I was in a relationship with a compatible person and he cheated on me, hung out, stole money, etc., yet we had a good time talking and doing things together.
Ugh!! It's so frustrating. I keep telling him that we are not compatible and we have nothing in common and he's like "I like being with you, so what, we love each other". We have been going out for almost a year. We have been through a lot together in a little bit of time.
I'm afraid to let him go because he is such a good person with good morals/values, etc. But I feel there's something missing. People say 'you know when the right person comes along because you will feel it.' I love him and am in love with him and miss him when he's not around and can't wait to see him and am happy when I do. He feels the same way, he's told me so and I see it in his eyes. I've heard about people feeling lonely in relationships and I don't want that to be me. I know no relationship is perfect, but I heard that being compatible is one thing to a happy relationship.
Do I need to grow up/suck it up/whatever or move on? Is love enough?
When it comes to choosing a life partner, choose the one you can't live without - not just the one you can live with.
And when that person comes along, you know it without a shadow of a doubt.
Other people do not make us happy. Happiness is a conscious decision that we make ourselves. If you have expectations that someone is going to come galloping in on a white horse and sweep you off your feet then chances are you are going to have a long wait ahead of you.
The question is, can YOU be happy with the relationship knowing there are differences? There is no law out there that says people must be compatible to one degree or another. If you are willing to overlook the differences to enjoy the companionship then fine, go for it!
OK So you're in the honeymoon phase. Picture yourself 25 yrs. down the road. His gambling has left you broke, his drinking and smoking have left him with some serious health issues and you're his 24 hr. caregiver. I went through this with my ex. He is in poor health now from years of abusing his body. His hanging out also led to infidelity. My DH smoked when we first met and I told him that this was a deal breaker for me so he quit. We are 55 and very healthy. It sounds like your inner voice is telling you loud and clear what to do.
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