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No. What would it matter if I dated 5 at once? Sounds like you're trying to put a "loose" label on someone who doesn't agree with you.
Agree with me on what? My post is a question: if I'm not physical soon in the dating process, should I tell women why that is?
I'm not looking for agreement on whether or not I should be physical (I'm happy to allow people to have their own beliefs and to have mine).
I do think we all have a wide spectrum of beliefs and attitudes, and nothing at all wrong with that. I also think some beliefs could be related, which is why I asked if you date multiple guys at the same time and also think that it is important to be physical soon. Not trying to label you.
I started hanging out with this nice guy, just as a friend, and to be nice. He would take me out and he paid for dinners, drinks....I would invite him over for dinner, sometimes i paid for dinner or drinks...we hung out for several months...I never thought it was dating...duh...then he kissed me. And I had to think about this..it took a month of me, then "dating" him to reorganize what this relationship really was...
So...don't expect that because you have decided after a month or so of being "friends" that then you want to change it all...she will be right in step....
Sure that is a risk one takes with this approach. As others have said, no guarantees.
So what happened with you and the guy? Just friends after the kiss?
My point is, people think withholding their sexuality will somehow lead to a more successful outcome, when dating, and vice versa. I think this is bad logic.
Ok, so lets say she doesn't tell him she doesn't like sex. Let's say she's a dud in bed but thinks she's all that...or she's got a massive vajayjay...or wont touch you at all...whatever. She's just not a good match sexually.
So you've done all the wooing, the friends first, not rushed into anything, dated her properly etc etc...then FINALLY slept with her...THEN realise you are essentially incompatible in this way and have to abandon the relationship, or at least stop sleeping with her.
What woman do you think will remain your "friend" after that sort of behaviour?
Your scenario is certainly possible but in today's world it's more likely that people will jump into bed too soon and then realize that they're not compatible. Many people seem to go by the "three date rule" and that's way too soon to know whether you're compatible with someone, whether they will blend into your friend and family network, whether your religious beliefs or lack thereof will blend, and so many other things. Sex on the other hand. . . well almost anything can be worked with and it's so much better when you've got feelings first, not after the fact.
Also, can't remember the thread it was in but it was some guy crying in his beer about a woman who he slept with almost right away and then a month later he realized she was pure crazy in a way that he couldn't live with. If he'd waited a month before he slept with her, it would have become obvious.
I think "friends first" dating is different than friends hanging out. You (OP) wouldn't be dating someone unless there were a goal in mind, or a series of goals. First, to get to know the person well enough to know if there may be some relationship potential. If there's relationship potential, then the next goal would be emotional and physical intimacy on an increasing scale. The first goal wouldn't necessarily involve anything physical. What would be the point, if you haven't yet determined that there's relationship potential? This is self-evident, it doesn't need to be explained. When you're in the getting to know each other stage, that's all you're doing, is getting to know each other to see if you even have anything in common, if you get along, etc. Imo, anything physical at this stage would be inappropriate. I don't think you need to make an announcement at this stage that you're doing a "friends first" dating approach. To many women, this is normal. When you might want to discuss it is if both of you start feeling some romantic tension, but you feel that you want to continue slowly. That would be an appropriate time to explain your position.
I don't know if you're doing online dating, but if you are, you could put "friends first" on your ad.
Agree with me on what? My post is a question: if I'm not physical soon in the dating process, should I tell women why that is?
I'm not looking for agreement on whether or not I should be physical (I'm happy to allow people to have their own beliefs and to have mine).
I do think we all have a wide spectrum of beliefs and attitudes, and nothing at all wrong with that. I also think some beliefs could be related, which is why I asked if you date multiple guys at the same time and also think that it is important to be physical soon. Not trying to label you.
Thanks
Your op might include a question but it also states your current views on dating. You clearly want to wait to get physical - fine; you also made some connection in your head between my desire for a kiss and my dating habits. Hmm, she wants a kiss within the first two dates so I bet she's kissing every guy that asks her out - at the same time! Funny.
Some women will go for your "let's date platonically" spiel and some will not. it's really not going to matter until you meet that one perfect person.
you also made some connection in your head between my desire for a kiss and my dating habits. Hmm, she wants a kiss within the first two dates so I bet she's kissing every guy that asks her out - at the same time! Funny.
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Sorry but I think you mistook my question, and it was just an honest question, for a conclusion. I wasn't making any conclusions or judging. I was asking you a question... gathering data points. I'm a big believer in data. Simple as that. Sorry if you took offense.
I have thought about this more while I was actually off the computer for a few minutes, lol. On second thought, I don't know that it's actually all that necessary to let the woman know that you're sizing her up for a potential date and if you do and then decide not to date her it could be awkward. If she thinks you're just being friends she is less likely to be nervous and more likely to be herself and then you can really get to know her. Besides, I've decided there are worse things than confusion.
In my particular situation, I know a man who has invited me out to several things and I've gone back and forth on the question of whether he just wants to be friends or is sizing me up as a potential date and each time I come off with a different answer but I'm having fun with it and trying to not read too much into it, but sometimes I'd like to know whether it would be appropriate to flirt with him, ya know? And I've invited him places too, though not as much and last time I did he said he didn't like that band and didn't want to go and I figured I had my answer (no) but he's still inviting me out to places, along with other folks so we'll see. We do come from very different backgrounds and educational levels so maybe that's part of his taking so long to size me up, if that's what he's doing. He seems to have a lot of women friends but not a player at all that I can tell so maybe he's taking the measure of all of us. Smart, I'd say. BTW, he is 50. It really is the only way to know if you share similar values with someone.
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Just friends after the kiss?
