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It's unnecessary when I'm dating - chivalry doesn't do anything for me. I thank the guy, of course, but why all the empty flourishes? They just disrupt my train of thought (I have ADD, so this is actually a very real problem for me) and don't make me feel actually emotionally closer to the guy. I open doors, pull out my own chair and am perfectly capable of remembering to bring my sweater along. These things are automatic tasks that every adult takes care of without thinking. Now, when I had my broken elbow a little bit ago, it would have been great if I had someone to do these things for me, but on the average day, I'm not nursing a fracture.
If a guy wants to make me feel cared for and cherished, he will call me out of the blue one day to say he's thinking of me or send me a link to an article I would enjoy reading or simply give me a hug when I look a little lost. These things are real, rooted in genuine regard, concern and appreciation of who I am (rather than my gender specifically). They are not tasks that I can do for myself. But I think both parties in a relationship should be performing little acts of kindness and regard towards each other just as basic good practice.
If the "chivalrous" guy is not my date or boyfriend, then it's kind of annoying to be honest, though I would never treat the man with anything but courtesy. But good lord, I can get that door just fine, and it feels weird to be singled out for my gender by a complete stranger. Why should the fact that I'm a woman evoke that kind of response? I'm a woman - we're 50 percent of the population and as far as I know, most of us are perfectly capable of escorting ourselves through doors without a hitch. It's just a way of saying "you are female and therefore different" and it's just strange to me when you consider that I'm being acknowledged for my basic biology. But I give every guy the benefit of the doubt: They could just be really nice guys who hold the door for EVERYONE.
I wish chivalry would simply be replaced by the concept that when you see someone who appears to be having a harder time than you are, you help them out, no matter the genders involved.
I dont think any display of chivalry has to do with a concept that women are unable to perform these acts for themselves.it isnt its intent and no woman should think of it this way. It has been quite a norm in the past and many guys that were raised with traditional values, will do these things no matter what. It is much closer to instinctual response rather than anything a guy would consciously decide to do. Sort of like covering your mouth when you yawn. FWIW, I treat all women as my equals and do not treat them differently based on their gender, as I would often also hold the door for an older man or someone with say many bags of groceries. But I do recognize that you are not alone in the way you feel, and Ive gotten dirty looks before by women usualy wearing a flannel shirt or headed to play a football game, if you catch my drift. It just shows you that in todays world guys would benefit more often from being total douches and aholes, rahter than genuine gentlemen - or at least the former is rewarded in RL at much greater rate. Take notice fellas.
And there's many other examples. Same thing with Hitting or assaulting men.
in my country , unless a woman is a convicted criminal , she will get custody of the kids in the event of a marriage breakup ,womens prisons here look like the hilton in comparison to the hellholes they shove male prisoners
if a 16 yr old boy has sex with a 15 yr old girl , the boy can be convicted of rape , if a 16 yr old girl has sex with a 15 yr old boy , nothing happens
I want to be equal in all areas. I want to be paid the same amount, and also be expected to pick up the tab half the time, or pick up half the tab all the time.
Please don't generalize about all women.
Your one example. I'm talking about the majority, women like to be equal when it's convenient. But when s*** hits the fan, then it's "well im a woman".
I forgot the posters name but he said something to this affect.
"I have seen women provoke fights with men and they get away with it because men are taught to not hit women. They go around "he ain't so tough, he's a wuss!" but if the guy would break her jaw, she'd cry "BUT I'M A GIRL!"*"
haha, there are plenty of us who know exactly what modern feminism entails. Today it surely has less to do with equal rights/equal pay and much more in common with gaining election votes. Emma Goldman foresaw this years ago when she distanced herself. I for one really enjoy listening to Ayn Rand's comments specifically about the effects of feminism on women. Is it the root? well thats another thread for another forum. I love how people leave these lines "I didn't think you knew about feminism", they're so predictable and no different than the "1950's" arguments.
Emma Goldman was a feminist. She merely distanced herself from what she perceived as the bourgeois and establishment-friendly factions of feminism, like the suffragists.
Do any of you (those of you implying that feminism is the root of all evil) even know what "feminism" entails? No, I didn't think so...
Feminism is women ensuring they have equal rights, which was a great movement. Now it has turned into a bunch of crazy women trying to prove that men are the root of all evil.
Your one example. I'm talking about the majority, women like to be equal when it's convenient. But when s*** hits the fan, then it's "well im a woman".
I forgot the posters name but he said something to this affect.
"I have seen women provoke fights with men and they get away with it because men are taught to not hit women. They go around "he ain't so tough, he's a wuss!" but if the guy would break her jaw, she'd cry "BUT I'M A GIRL!"*"
But I thought were supposed to be equal
I have personally witnessed a woman abusing a man and think it is just as wrong as when a man abuses a woman. I would be shocked to find out that I'm the only feminist woman in the whole world who thinks this way. Abuse is abuse and it's wrong, no matter what the sex of the perpetrator or victim. Men and women are equal. There are many feminists out there who truly, truly believe that.
Your one example. I'm talking about the majority, women like to be equal when it's convenient. But when s*** hits the fan, then it's "well im a woman".
I forgot the posters name but he said something to this affect.
"I have seen women provoke fights with men and they get away with it because men are taught to not hit women. They go around "he ain't so tough, he's a wuss!" but if the guy would break her jaw, she'd cry "BUT I'M A GIRL!"*"
But I thought were supposed to be equal
men are only going to take so much , eventually a backlash will come and we will see a huge rise in the number of dead women who pushed it too far , the feminist movement will have questions to answer for instilling this idea that a woman with complete immunity can say anything to a man
I know... People tend to go to extremes. If we're grateful when someone holds the door, we must accept that the world tell us we should stay at home and cook dinner, whether we like the idea or not. Sigh...
I realise there are some "waves" of feminism I don't like, and some authors I utterly disagree with, but the basics being "feminism = equal rights" I'll always be a feminist no matter what.
Yes, I agree with you it seems pretty extreme.
That is fine if you want to be a feminist, but I think it have too many negative things attached to it now and have been dragged down. If it's about 'equal rights' like you say, it seems like it's being used as a tool for people to go against women.
Feminism is women ensuring they have equal rights, which was a great movement. Now it has turned into a bunch of crazy women trying to prove that men are the root of all evil.
I agree with you on that. But it's not only feminism: most ideas/ideologies have been banalized, oversimplified or distorted. It's a very sad state of affairs but that's the kind of childish culture we live in.
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