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Old 07-12-2012, 09:26 PM
 
Location: USA
1,818 posts, read 2,680,015 times
Reputation: 4173

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Oh yeah. Nothing I did was right,
I was too fat
I was too thin
I needed to do more sit ups
All of my clothes were wrong
I didnt wear enough make up
I didn't wear perfume...and on and on and on!

And the absolute straw that broke the camels back.......I left toast crumbs on the counter one morning! Oh the horror!

What a loser! I have much better taste in men now
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Old 07-12-2012, 09:29 PM
 
Location: NY metro area
7,796 posts, read 16,376,587 times
Reputation: 10808
My husband has been trying to get me to wear more fitted attire, shorter skirts and higher heels for over a decade.
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Old 07-12-2012, 09:48 PM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,606 posts, read 55,914,193 times
Reputation: 11862
If that's your biggest issue (or non issue) than you've very lucky!

I'm sure if I live with a girl she'd find things to pick a bone with me over.
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Old 07-12-2012, 09:59 PM
 
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,606 posts, read 55,914,193 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by JetJockey View Post
My bra is held together with Loctite and a bit of duct tape Mine is stabbing me too, but I can't afford a new one right now until a sale starts.

As for the OP, I could write a book on what my ex told me he wanted to change:

*My weight
*My height
*My tattoos
*My genetic disorder
*My surgery scars
*Basically my entire personality
*My boobs
*The fact that it's very hard for me to do contact or jarring sports because I have pins in my knee and it hurts horribly. He thought I was just 'making up' the pain.
*The food I ate
*The way I made the bed
*The way I cleaned our house
*The way I mowed our lawn
*How I was 'cluttered'. He hated anything on the walls (pictures, paintings etc. and I hate bare walls)
etc. etc. etc. Seriously, I could go on forever. And he told me all of this stuff ALL the time.

I did change though.

I changed my relationship status to single.
He sounds controlling, JJ. You changed for the better!
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Old 07-13-2012, 05:30 AM
 
Location: USA
1,818 posts, read 2,680,015 times
Reputation: 4173
Quote:
Originally Posted by JetJockey View Post
My bra is held together with Loctite and a bit of duct tape Mine is stabbing me too, but I can't afford a new one right now until a sale starts.

As for the OP, I could write a book on what my ex told me he wanted to change:

*My weight
*My height
*My tattoos
*My genetic disorder
*My surgery scars
*Basically my entire personality
*My boobs
*The fact that it's very hard for me to do contact or jarring sports because I have pins in my knee and it hurts horribly. He thought I was just 'making up' the pain.
*The food I ate
*The way I made the bed
*The way I cleaned our house
*The way I mowed our lawn
*How I was 'cluttered'. He hated anything on the walls (pictures, paintings etc. and I hate bare walls)
etc. etc. etc. Seriously, I could go on forever. And he told me all of this stuff ALL the time.

I did change though.

I changed my relationship status to single.

I think we were with the same man
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Old 07-13-2012, 05:51 AM
 
Location: USA
3,966 posts, read 10,680,434 times
Reputation: 2227
I really don't know. A lot of things have changed in the 5 years we have been together. She hasn't changed, but I have.
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Old 07-13-2012, 07:26 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,431 posts, read 34,290,114 times
Reputation: 19814
I think I am very lucky, the both of us are.. We are pleased with one another and just work with the ways that we are different as far as living.
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Old 07-13-2012, 08:03 AM
 
Location: Oxford, England
13,032 posts, read 24,589,694 times
Reputation: 20165
I think it depends what changes we are talking about and the reason for the changes too. Small domestic things are easy to address or simply deal with IMO ( which does not mean they don't often start small civil wars !) . I am pretty sure most couples have idiosyncrasies which drive the other wild , it is really quite normal especially as you grow older together and habits start to grind.

I think it is fine to say "honey could you please pick up your socks" but saying "honey I think you need plastic surgery " or "I want you to lose 50 pounds or I am out of here" is not appropriate nor acceptable.

I believe you can never change people much anyway. Hubby is a lot tidier since I met him but he still does not have my standards. He has increased his levels of tidiness for me and I have decreased my expectations of him slightly.

Compromise. He still does things which drive me up the wall but at the end of the day I can live with them and I just sigh and remember all his good traits when I start having smoke coming out of my nostrils because he has not closed a drawer and left his t-shirts all crumpled in it ( which he does all the time).

Likewise I have habits which annoy him ( I bite my nails for example) and I have tried to rein those in as much as I can. No biggies really. We bicker but it's not the end of the world.

Now personality wise I think it gets a lot harder. He wants me to be more self confident, sociable for example and less shy and I realise that he is only wanting this for my own good, I try and fail all the time but I know his wanting me to change comes from a good place.

We both get frustrated at my inability to do so but he knows I try. I wish he would put up with a lot less crap from his Mother than he does and he also tries that...We both fail in our distinctive "disciplines" but we are mature enough to realise that the changes seeked are positively meant.

Nobody is perfect. There is no perfect wife/husband out there only a perfect wife for a particular husband and vice versa. Ie : Not perfect human beings but as good a match and a fit as you are going to get.

Constructive criticism is fine, and as a couple it is paramount to be able to be open about everything no matter how difficult and uncomfortable but you need the maturity to realise what is a reasonable expectation and what isn't. And what is kind and loving too.

Too many people have unrealistic expectations of their life partners and demand a level of perfection which is not achievable and detracts from who that person truly is. You should never wish to alter someone's core at the end of the day. You can try and gently nudge people towards the light but shoving is counter productive.

I think if you know someone you know what will hurt them and if you deliberately still set on that path then you are not a particularily decent human being IMO.


I find with Hubby that our biggest bickerings come from silly tiny domestic issues because for some reason we tend to be quite mature and reasonable when it comes to the biggies in life. However leave toothpaste on the sink or forget to replace the toilet roll and all of a sudden the knives are out the executioner's block is being installed !! It is silly, we know it is silly and it is over as soon as it starts though...
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Old 07-13-2012, 09:41 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,431 posts, read 34,290,114 times
Reputation: 19814
I basically meant the types of things we do in day to day life.... maybe changing the way we may do some things, etc.

I have posted about it before... I would never expect a person to change. I would not say, "You need to lose weight, or we can't be together."

Now, since we have been together a year or so, and I have learned that his father has heart troubles and his mother just had to have a stent placed, I have tried to change the way in which we eat, but I am not jamming what I want him to eat down his throat. We have talked about maybe he needs to change some things a bit, due to both of his parents having a history of heart disease. He agrees, and again, it is not something I am pushing him to do.

Changes like that are something the individual has to think they need to do, not something someone makes them do.

As far as all of my shampoos, etc, I can change that easily, and still have plenty in there. That is no biggie. Just like he can be ok with having foods be upstairs....
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Old 07-13-2012, 10:33 AM
 
Location: NYC
545 posts, read 907,301 times
Reputation: 655
My ex told me if I ever got fat or sloppy he would leave me. LOL I can sure pick winners.
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