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I've constantly told him that he needs to find another job. He said he'll never work for others again and that because he's trying to start his own business, he can't get distracted with having another job.
I just don't know what to do with him. I tried to talk to him, try to have his family talk to him, and we got into big fights because I felt he's been doing nothing but being lazy. He said I'm the most disrespectful and bitter wife on the planet, and that I don't support his dreams.
Eventually I just gave up. I just pay the bills.
Can I ask you something that seems completely off-topic: are you Asian?
I told him we need some counseling. His reply was "let me tell you something. EVERY MAN watches porn ALL THE TIME, they just don't tell you. I'm not going to let a counselor tell me what to do, cuz that guy probably watches porn all the time too, he just hides it well."
What do i do with someone who isnt willing to go to counseling? Is that a sign of failure in my marriage?
It's a sign of don't take it personally because it's not personal.
"accident" might not be the right word - but I was just curious as to what he does all day since I don't feel he's being productive enough. I'm getting stressed out about bills and I certainly don't want to feel like I'm married to someone just so that he can stop working and I can support everybody.
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This sounds like the real problem you are having in your marriage. You don't think your husband is productive enough, which means you aren't looking at him like a man and certainly aren't looking at him with respect. I am don't know whether you are right in thinking this about him or not, but certainly everytime you think this, he is going to feel like less than a man. If he feels like he is less than a man, he isn't going to feel great about having sex with his wife. Now you are in this cycle, he masturbates to porn even more than before, and you become even more suspicious.
What does he do for a living, is he making a real income from working at home?
that's what I've been suspecting - he might just want to be with me because I for sure bring a decent pay check every month. I have to work full time and sometimes don't get home until 8 or 9pm. He stays at home pretty much all the time, every day. But when I get home, he complaints about me not helping with cleaning and cooking. I'm getting stressed out because I have to pay my bills, his bills and our joint bills. Ever since I got married, I rarely can put a smile on my face because with the sudden increase of debt. I just feel like no matter how hard I try, I can never afford a house or having children.
My husband got fired right after marriage, and he borrowed lots of money to start his own business. I have no problem with him investing money in the business, what bothers me is that everyday goes by, he is just not doing much. He hasn't built up any client base because he's only talked to THREE potential clients so far, he hasn't figured out a plan as to how to conduct his business. Now I'm left alone to pay all the credit cards.
I didn't want to hurt his feelings when he tried to start his own business, but I knew very clearly he's not that kind of person. He wouldn't let me comment on anything about his business, nothing negative. So I've been just keeping my mouth shut and paying the bills.
Now that I found out all this porn stuff - I don't know I will ever want to work and save, just so that he can sits home and watch porn
Can I ask you something that seems completely off-topic: are you Asian?
Just a guess.
WTF does a person's race have anything to do with her deadbeat husband?
Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC
This sounds like the real problem you are having in your marriage. You don't think your husband is productive enough, which means you aren't looking at him like a man and certainly aren't looking at him with respect. I am don't know whether you are right in thinking this about him or not, but certainly everytime you think this, he is going to feel like less than a man. If he feels like he is less than a man, he isn't going to feel great about having sex with his wife. Now you are in this cycle, he masturbates to porn even more than before, and you become even more suspicious.
What does he do for a living, is he making a real income from working at home?
Quit making excuses for his deadbeat ass. Vicious cycle psycho babble BS. That "man" she calls her husband needs to nut up or shut up. Get a real job and **** his more than willing wife.
I've constantly told him that he needs to find another job. He said he'll never work for others again and that because he's trying to start his own business, he can't get distracted with having another job.
I just don't know what to do with him. I tried to talk to him, try to have his family talk to him, and we got into big fights because I felt he's been doing nothing but being lazy. He said I'm the most disrespectful and bitter wife on the planet, and that I don't support his dreams.
Eventually I just gave up. I just pay the bills.
What's stopping you from kicking him to the curb?
Tell him to follow his dream of his own business without you. Chances are great that he's not going to make it.
He's unproductive, not carrying his weight, disrespectful, and he is mentally abusive towards you.
How many more reasons do you need to rid yourself of him do you want?
You deserve better.
I told him we need some counseling. His reply was "let me tell you something. EVERY MAN watches porn ALL THE TIME, they just don't tell you. I'm not going to let a counselor tell me what to do, cuz that guy probably watches porn all the time too, he just hides it well."
What do i do with someone who isnt willing to go to counseling? Is that a sign of failure in my marriage?
Honey, the signs of failure in your marriage are so many that they are clogging up the sidewalk so that you can't see the road.
It's not YOUR failure, except for not seeing what is right in front of you. You're not the first to do that, won't be the last, either. Cut your losses now and move on.
Quit making excuses for his deadbeat ass. Vicious cycle psycho babble BS. That "man" she calls her husband needs to nut up or shut up. Get a real job and **** his more than willing wife.
You must be very young, it is the only way you know so much.
I'd be less worried about the porn and more concerned about the fact that he freely criticizes your body while freeloading off you financially and offering you nothing in the bedroom.
I'm not a porn crusader...most people have at least some curiosity about it, although in my experience, women are far less likely to find it more interesting than the real deal, while this seems to be a significant problem with some men. Women are more likely to be like, "Okay, yeah, this was briefly interesting...now I'm bored, moving on...". I know I was. Porn isn't evil, but some guys build up this expectation that real sex needs to be like the porn experience, all about their needs and their needs alone, and become disinterested in their role in the other person's experience. These guys have a problem. This alone is bad enough...add on tossing it on you and telling you "a breast augmentation will be required," all the while expecting you to bankroll him? Loser. If that weren't already obvious enough, the whole, "Honey, I can't get a job outside the home, because I need to be home all day to diddle myself...FOR LEGITIMATE MEDICAL REASONS," ought to have confirmed it, really.
Sorry for being so harsh, OP, but I call it like I see it.
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