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There seems to be some weird misconception on this Forum that everyone has sex at 15, that no one is a virgin past that age and that anyone who is a virgin into their 20's is damaged goods, ugly, mentally ill or a loser.
I have no idea where these very bizarre misconceptions come from. There are millions of people who, for whatever reason, havent dated and are sexually inexperienced well into their 20's. I personally have known quite a few of them, since my students are in their early 20's and will be surprisingly honest when they're in the privacy of my office.
One of the downsides of modern life are Twitter, FB and all these other places where people put out their the life they WANT to have, not the generally mundane life they're leading. It's the same with many Internet forums. A person who is shy, a virgin and 25 reads all these anonymous postings, "I have had 6,000 sex partners in the past year and having a ball!" and then gets a terrible inferiority complex. It's very sad since so much of the talk on the Internet is embellished or out and out lies.
There seems to be some weird misconception on this Forum that everyone has sex at 15, that no one is a virgin past that age and that anyone who is a virgin into their 20's is damaged goods, ugly, mentally ill or a loser.
I have no idea where these very bizarre misconceptions come from. There are millions of people who, for whatever reason, havent dated and are sexually inexperienced well into their 20's. I personally have known quite a few of them, since my students are in their early 20's and will be surprisingly honest when they're in the privacy of my office.
One of the downsides of modern life are Twitter, FB and all these other places where people put out their the life they WANT to have, not the generally mundane life they're leading. It's the same with many Internet forums. A person who is shy, a virgin and 25 reads all these anonymous postings, "I have had 6,000 sex partners in the past year and having a ball!" and then gets a terrible inferiority complex. It's very sad since so much of the talk on the Internet is embellished or out and out lies.
I think the best thing early experiences teaches you is confidence in approaching women/men and having experience of how to please your partners.
There's tons of people that will not date a virgin to teach him how to have sex, and your first sexual partner will know that going in, and getting those first experiences out of the way early will give you more confidence in yourself for future encounters with partners.
I can definitely see a guy going into his mid 20s with no experience with women, connecting with a woman, and having a conversation where she tells him she's had 10 sexual partners and he's still a virgin and he becoming very intimidated, and her saying that she'd prefer a guy with more experience so she doesn't have to teach, just tell him what she likes.
I do believe not having the 'typical' youth experiences does affect me now as an adult. I didn't go on my first date until I was a Freshman in college, and along with that I didn't have my first kiss, didn't go to any school dances (prom etc.) and I do really feel that I missed out on a lot of things that my friends were able to experience early on in life. My friends all dated, but I was the awkward, lanky super tall girl with frizzy hair and braces who was really into FFA...not exactly a recipe for getting asked out a lot
When I was going out on my first date, most of my friends had already been in one or more long term relationships, some were married and had a kid! And here I was, just having my first kiss. It really cements in the feeling of being unattractive and unwanted which is very hard to shake as one gets older. I mean, dating in High School was a given! I was so excited to start HS because I thought 'hey! Now is the time where I get to date and hang out with guys!'. Nope. All I got was bullied to the point of dropping out of school and finishing up at continuation.
JJ, dating is not a given in HS. Lots of kids go through HS without dating. Quite a few go through college without dating, both men and women. It doesn't matter. Eventually most people find a partner at least for awhile, and all those "firsts" happen, and are left behind as life goes on. Not a big deal, imo. Dates in college in many women's experience was all about first date booty calls, so you didn't miss much.
JJ, did you ever see the TV series "DeGrassi Junior High"? It's a Canadian series that was run on PBS. I think you can still get the original series, then later they made a next generation DeGrassi. You'd love it. There was a girl in it who fits your description. The series was made with real kids, not teen actresses that look unrealistically perfect.
... A lot of people wouldn't have these problems if they were for lack of a better word, "in the game" when everyone else was. You have scenarios with 28 year old men that have the relationship/sexual experience of a 13 year old boy
I know people [both male and female] in their 40s who are in-experienced. My best male friend is 53 and a virgin.
Some people are 'loose' or 'sluts' and others are not.
I think the best thing early experiences teaches you is confidence in approaching women/men and having experience of how to please your partners.
What gives you confidence in approaching men and women is having a lot of experience sharing activities with the opposite sex outside of school, as in boy/girl summer camps, weekend camping activities, and so on. The stage gets set at an early age, for how you relate to the opposite sex.
It's the woman's responsibility to speak up and tell her partner what she needs. In view of the fact that all women are different, all guys are virgins in a way. There's always something new to learn. Relax and enjoy the novelty of each experience, instead of thinking the guy is supposed to know everything and be some kind of sexual pro.
people will say here 'not that important', or 'things will happen with time,' okay whatever. test this out IRL and see if people are as forgiving (hint: they're not). They judge you by things like this, a guy even told me once pertaining to certain things. "What? Everyone did that in High school!" Yea, thanks.
Not you in particular, but I guarantee you people will judge you for not having passed certain milestones by certain ages.
Almost every guy I know who's good with women definitely got a lot of practice in middle and high school. Almost every guy I know who's bad with them did not get much if any practice.
I think it severely affects one's ability later on in life. Frankly I don't buy any other argument for even a second. Lord knows I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and slap some sense into my stupid 13-year-old self.
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