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I have a really good female online friend: we get along great, she's probably one of the funniest, coolest people I've met, and it feels like we're kindred spirits. Silly to say but sometimes I wonder if I'm falling for her personality. We met while I was on holiday, so I have seen her IRL, but the RS has developed online.
I don't think it's practical though, so I don't let any feelings develop, nor is it primarily romance. But I guess if circumstances were different I could see something happening.
Could your belief system be getting in the way?
You won't die if you fall in love with her. You might find you like who YOU ARE when you're with her. Meaning you also start to fall in love with you and not think of yourself as akward or a dork any more etc.
There are couples who started online and you've met her already. Ever heard the phrase that the world loves a lover? Meaning if you let yourself just "be" that that in itself will bring out traits inside you others will find attractive.
If you're the nervous type...continue online, then move to a cheap mode of "talking" on the phone/cell or through skype. Confidence is built through practicing a habit man. The first habit might just be learning that you can enjoy yourself with a female. A female that enjoys you!
Also if you take a step back culturally you can see that the emotional attraction/mutual feeling you are looking for us not actually essential to a relationship or even to love. Oura Western culture puts very high demands/constraints on finding a match and many are also quick to suggest abandoning a relationship at the first hint of "incompatatibility" Not everyone sees things that way or has to.
If you are feeling boxed in, free your mind. Learn to live someone without weighing and measuring and making sure they're a perfect fit or give you that special "feeling". Love with actions. Do an experiment.
This is all merely suggestion for those (like the OP) who seem disenchanted with the dating scene and cultural expectations.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,029,399 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveToLaugh
Could your belief system be getting in the way?
You won't die if you fall in love with her. You might find you like who YOU ARE when you're with her. Meaning you also start to fall in love with you and not think of yourself as akward or a dork any more etc.
There are couples who started online and you've met her already. Ever heard the phrase that the world loves a lover? Meaning if you let yourself just "be" that that in itself will bring out traits inside you others will find attractive.
If you're the nervous type...continue online, then move to a cheap mode of "talking" on the phone/cell or through skype. Confidence is built through practicing a habit man. The first habit might just be learning that you can enjoy yourself with a female. A female that enjoys you!
Then go from there.
That's a good point. I feel I prefer myself when I'm with her: I laugh more - well to myself at least, feel like I can be myself without being judged, yet can also be 'serious' with her. I feel we both add alot to each other's lives, at least I hope she feels that way. She has said that she considers me a friend, so that is something. Yeah I wouldn't say I'm in love with her, maybe I do like her a little bit, but at this stage we're just friends. I'm not sure exactly how much she thinks of me, but I don't think she likes me that way. She lives in another country anyway, so I doubt anything will happen, but I'd be more than happy to continue having her as a friend.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,029,399 times
Reputation: 11862
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahdeanne
Also if you take a step back culturally you can see that the emotional attraction/mutual feeling you are looking for us not actually essential to a relationship or even to love. Oura Western culture puts very high demands/constraints on finding a match and many are also quick to suggest abandoning a relationship at the first hint of "incompatatibility" Not everyone sees things that way or has to.
If you are feeling boxed in, free your mind. Learn to live someone without weighing and measuring and making sure they're a perfect fit or give you that special "feeling". Love with actions. Do an experiment.
This is all merely suggestion for those (like the OP) who seem disenchanted with the dating scene and cultural expectations.
Marriage consellors always talk about 'how to keep the spark alive', and people act as if 'chemistry' is all that matters. If it's 'true love' everything else will fall into place. Yet the divorce rate is over 50%, so there's something to be said for plain old fashioned sticking by each other.
I would say then don't put any constraints on it... use skype if shes in another country. You're "practicing"... so practice with someone who likes you as a friend.
As you like yourself better, your whole chemistry and vibe will change man. She is helping you to see something about yourself that you maybe never noticed before. LIVE in the moment.
there's something to be said for plain old fashioned sticking by each other.
If you would just complete the circles that you talk in, you would answer your own questions.
Love is one thing; marriage is quite another. "Sticking by each other" is what "keeps the spark alive."
Love can compel you to commit yourselves to each other in marriage, but nothing magical happens after marriage to propel you into eternity.
You have to WORK at keeping a marriage strong over time by thinking of your partner first, for example, not going through life thinking about what they haven't done for you lately.
Don't live according to statistics. Just live your own life.
I do want to get back into the workforce (I'm out for mental health reasons right now) but I've other priorities right now. I doubt I will start dating until I start working anyway, but I'm not the type to rely on my job in the dating scene.
Maybe your lack of success right now is due to the stage you're at right now. If you're currently off work with mental health issues, that needs to be your focus. Struggling with health issues and off work is not a recipe for success in a relationship at the present moment.
In the dating world, we want to be able to present the best version of ourselves, so the focus should be on taking care of yourself, sorting out your health issues, and getting your life back on track. Not to sound harsh but there aren't many people interested in taking on another's health and employment issues at the outset of a new relationship. Everyone has their own issues in life, but to take on someone else's is a lot to ask, IMO.
its crazy, people will not date someone for the stupidest reasons even if they are completely compatible, its like they throw up these barriers for love.
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