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A person who drives the getaway car for his friend who shoots and murders the 7/11 clerk is just as guilty in the eyes of the law as the murderer himself.
When you know something this horrendous is going on and you chose to remain quiet, YOU ARE AS GUILTY AS IF YOU HAD COMMITTED THE CRIME.
Believe it or not, not everyone WANTS to hear the truth. Some people are so lonely and desperate that they are willing to accept certain conditions in their relationships. She may know he just wants her for her money or that he's slept around quite a bit, but chooses to quietly accept it and look the other way.
Of course there is always the chance she will be thankful for him coming forward and sparing her from this guy, which is why I feel the OP needs to take inventory of this situation, the friendship, and act in accordance with his own set of values. He doesn't need to be guilted into doing anything that you or anyone else would do in this situation.
Believe it or not, not everyone WANTS to hear the truth. Some people are so lonely and desperate that they are willing to accept certain conditions in their relationships. She may know he just wants her for her money or that he's slept around quite a bit, but chooses to quietly accept it and look the other way.
Of course there is always the chance she will be thankful for him coming forward and sparing her from this guy, which is why I feel the OP needs to take inventory of this situation, the friendship, and act in accordance with his own set of values. He doesn't need to be guilted into doing anything that you or anyone else would do in this situation.
You are correct. My mother allowed herself and my grandmother (in her care) to be conned out of all my grandmothers money just before she died. I tried my best to point out red flags and warning signs and even told my mother I would testify against her and her con man boyfriend in court when there was talk of them being charged with exploitation. She just kept accessing my grandmother's accounts for him! My mother DID NOT want to hear that this guy didn't actually love her.
HOWEVER once he has said something he is no longer responsible for what happens, right now, to some extent, he is.
Well, I have to say these are some convincing answers.
Let us know how it goes
Really not trying to judge, but I don't think you are going to be able to forget about it or let it go. Your relationship with this guy would end anyway as you got tired of watching this woman and everyone else around him suffer while he got worse and worse.
Tell her! Don't let her have her life ruined. She's not seeing the real him and that's not fair. This guy doesn't deserve anyone until he gets his **** together!!!!!
My best friend of 43 years (male, age 55) is in the midst of his second divorce. He has struggled with sex addiction issues his entire life. In the 2 ywears he has been separated he's been on a dating site called Christian Mingle. In that time he has had sex with 60 (yes, 60) different women to include a few that were married and living with their spouses. He is not a Christian and has been searching for a rich woman so he can retire immediately and be '**** of the walk' with her money. Now he's found a younger (age 47) recent widow with a few million dollars. He's playing the role of "Mr. Godly" strictly to win her over (she's very beautiful and really nice) and scam her for her money. Anyway, he's done it and they are engaged. As soon as his divorce becomes final they're getting married.
So the questions is- should I tell her about the fact she's being conned. She has no idea he's a sex addict, been sleeping around, drinks hard licquor, scamming unemployment for the last 3 years.... and scamming her.
My thinking is not to. Frankly, while I deplore the situation, she's a big girl and this is none of my business. Others are telling me she needs to know.
Any thoughts?
Where do I start?
First of all, your post absolutely REEKS of judgement. What the hell is so evil about drinking "hard liquor" and having multiple partners?
Second of all, how on earth do you KNOW how many women he has slept with?
Third of all, what sort of friend are you? You clearly don't even like this guy, or respect him, and I sense you would like to have this "very beautiful" lady for yourself.
This lady is a grown woman. She clearly loves your friend, despite how despicable you say he is. He may well have positive points that you are not sharing, or that you even KNOW about. She also may well have excellent lawyers who have her money tied up so tight no one else will ever get it. She may not be the dim, innocent little deer in the headlights you portray her as.
You appear to be seething with jealousy and anything you do or say at this stage will probably not be taken as well-meant, and franky, I doubt it is. You just want to see him fall and YOU want to be the hero.
Let me assure you a beautiful, nice, 47 year old millionairess is NOT going to get engaged to a 55 year old unemployed fraud. A 25 year old one, maybe....
You just need to worry about your own business and keep out of it. No one in this situation is a child or a victim.
My best friend of 43 years (male, age 55) is in the midst of his second divorce. He has struggled with sex addiction issues his entire life. In the 2 ywears he has been separated he's been on a dating site called Christian Mingle. In that time he has had sex with 60 (yes, 60) different women to include a few that were married and living with their spouses. He is not a Christian and has been searching for a rich woman so he can retire immediately and be '**** of the walk' with her money. Now he's found a younger (age 47) recent widow with a few million dollars. He's playing the role of "Mr. Godly" strictly to win her over (she's very beautiful and really nice) and scam her for her money. Anyway, he's done it and they are engaged. As soon as his divorce becomes final they're getting married.
So the questions is- should I tell her about the fact she's being conned. She has no idea he's a sex addict, been sleeping around, drinks hard licquor, scamming unemployment for the last 3 years.... and scamming her.
My thinking is not to. Frankly, while I deplore the situation, she's a big girl and this is none of my business. Others are telling me she needs to know.
Any thoughts?
It's none of your business.
At forty seven and with the money she should have a clue someone is playing her all by herself.
Who knows, maybe they are both sex addicts in love.
Yes, you should tell her. How would you like if a similar situation were occuring to your mother or sister. Or if you died, and someone did this to your wife? It's bad enough under normal circumstances, but she is a widow, hasn't she lost enough?!
And no, she may not listen. But just the words in her ear may cause her pause in the future sooner, than if you did nothing.
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