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Old 07-23-2012, 08:16 PM
 
Location: Planet Eaarth
8,958 posts, read 7,737,499 times
Reputation: 7193
Quote:
Originally Posted by 30 year itch View Post
I guess I need some divorce advice as to what to do "just in case" my wife goes over the line or probably already has done so?

Our kids are going into college and so after more than 30 year together, my wife has decided to start to go out and party 3-5 times each week. She takes our only good car most times and sometimes doesn't come home till after 2am... and occasionally, after 4am. I stay home and do my Mr Mom thing with our kids and stay alert to being able to come and rescue her if she gets arrested for DUI or if she wrecks the car again like she recently did, again.

I worked for 30 years in the same industry and accrued a big $300K+ retirement account while my wife stayed home with our 2 kids(now 17 and 18)... but then was forced into a buyout early retirement and since then have been unable to get an equivalent job for more than a couple of year or so. Now, I have been Mr Mom for about a year and my wife is increasing her "wild woman" adventures while I stay home and watch the kids and cook and clean and keep the home as the only responsible parent.

I am continually trying to find a job and was most recently rejected for an interview by egad... the new grocery store in town who supposedly wants people like me of aged but highly experienced customer service oriented folks?
Nonetheless, I am working at home from 6am though sometimes 2am when my last child comes home.... or sometimes later when my wife/child finally comes home or when we finally go and get her.... as when she totaled our good car in a drunken single car accident. Thank God she was uninjured, but I don't see that death avoidance doing anything to deter her from driving drunk again.

I have continually asked her, pleaded with her to quit drinking/drugging with me as I keep drinking when her outside pressure of our marriage exceeds my ability to withstand it and I just drink and pass out in my home office..... the again, I know that my own response drinking is only an excuse for us continuing to be co-dependent drinkers.... but I have offered to quit Immediately together, NOW, with her not wanting to quit....

So, what do I do next?

I don't want to divorce her since I still love her but am starting to realize that she loves someone else or at least doesn't love me enough to be a decent woman anymore.

Considering I am broke, so to speak, what do you recommend I do next to protect me and my kids?
We knew a women like this. Just went nuts for sex and attention from other men. She became an easy lay for anything in pants. We never did figure out why she flipped out so we ended our friendship with her when she left her daughter with us for four days with no explanation offered.

Midlife flip outs have a cause the trick is figuring out the cause. For the hubby here I'll say get ready for a world of hurt and divorce court.
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Old 07-23-2012, 08:24 PM
 
1,832 posts, read 2,154,366 times
Reputation: 1065
Quote:
Originally Posted by 30 year itch View Post
I guess I need some divorce advice as to what to do "just in case" my wife goes over the line or probably already has done so?

Our kids are going into college and so after more than 30 year together, my wife has decided to start to go out and party 3-5 times each week. She takes our only good car most times and sometimes doesn't come home till after 2am... and occasionally, after 4am. I stay home and do my Mr Mom thing with our kids and stay alert to being able to come and rescue her if she gets arrested for DUI or if she wrecks the car again like she recently did, again.

I worked for 30 years in the same industry and accrued a big $300K+ retirement account while my wife stayed home with our 2 kids(now 17 and 18)... but then was forced into a buyout early retirement and since then have been unable to get an equivalent job for more than a couple of year or so. Now, I have been Mr Mom for about a year and my wife is increasing her "wild woman" adventures while I stay home and watch the kids and cook and clean and keep the home as the only responsible parent.

I am continually trying to find a job and was most recently rejected for an interview by egad... the new grocery store in town who supposedly wants people like me of aged but highly experienced customer service oriented folks?
Nonetheless, I am working at home from 6am though sometimes 2am when my last child comes home.... or sometimes later when my wife/child finally comes home or when we finally go and get her.... as when she totaled our good car in a drunken single car accident. Thank God she was uninjured, but I don't see that death avoidance doing anything to deter her from driving drunk again.

I have continually asked her, pleaded with her to quit drinking/drugging with me as I keep drinking when her outside pressure of our marriage exceeds my ability to withstand it and I just drink and pass out in my home office..... the again, I know that my own response drinking is only an excuse for us continuing to be co-dependent drinkers.... but I have offered to quit Immediately together, NOW, with her not wanting to quit....

So, what do I do next?

I don't want to divorce her since I still love her but am starting to realize that she loves someone else or at least doesn't love me enough to be a decent woman anymore.

Considering I am broke, so to speak, what do you recommend I do next to protect me and my kids?
Hate to flame...but, you are a fool for being that woman's doormat.
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Old 07-23-2012, 08:29 PM
 
17,650 posts, read 16,561,179 times
Reputation: 17368
Quote:
Originally Posted by 30 year itch View Post
Egad... I am dying... and don't care about myself.
Hey dork. STOP whining. We know you don't care about yourself. So if YOU don't care, why should your wife? Get it??
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Old 07-23-2012, 08:31 PM
 
17,650 posts, read 16,561,179 times
Reputation: 17368
Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
This post is the reason why I think this thread is bogus. Your children are 17 and 18 years old, and yet what you describe sounds like taking care of much younger kids. Since when does an 17-8 year want to be driven around by Dad? Come on, they will get a ride with a friend or even walk before they are seen getting out of dad's car. All meals? Since when is an 18 year old eating every meal at home? They are trying to eat out with friends every chance they can get, even if it is just a cheap bean burrito from Taco Bell. Your texting claims sound bogus as well.
Good points. I was on the fence about it, but with all that, I vote bogus.
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Old 07-23-2012, 08:36 PM
 
Location: Minneeeesoootah
3,489 posts, read 4,289,298 times
Reputation: 3308
There is a lot more going on than what you're saying.
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Old 07-23-2012, 08:44 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,290 posts, read 4,800,208 times
Reputation: 8956
You and your family are in crisis. I would suggest, number one, that you get sober. Go to AA. Get a therapist for yourself - start straightening out your life - downsize if you have to to afford it - it is that important. Your kids have two drunks for parents - not good. Are they also drinking. What kind of drugs is your wife on?

You need some support - you can't control her so you have to focus on yourself first - get healthy, and then your kids - worry about who is on whose side later on . . .
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Old 07-23-2012, 08:58 PM
 
144 posts, read 33,524 times
Reputation: 98
It actually is not the wife that needs help she's having the time of her life!!! nor the kids. it is YOU!, OP that needs help. drinking and posting on forums won't help you. and ONLY YOU can help you. end of story.
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Old 07-24-2012, 12:42 PM
 
47 posts, read 32,874 times
Reputation: 32
No unfortunately, not a bogus post.

Yes, I was drinking the night I started this thread. You can easily tell by seeing how increasingly irrational my posts were.

I drink maybe once or twice a week, wine, usually alot of it, and usually during or the night after my wife does one of her party girl adventures out to the wee hours. I know I have a problem and have gone months without drinking... but usually break my sobriety when she breaks out the wine, makes margaritas at home or when I am at my breaking point with her excessive party girl stuff. I went to AA for something like 60 meetings over 90 days but realized I was going for the friendship and company moreso than trying to kick some irresistible/uncontrollable urge. Did like and adopt most of the behavioral tenets of AA though such as being a better and more honest person. And, still maintain friendships with a few of the guys I met there.

She is going out again tonight... supposedly to a baby shower but I don't believe a word she says anymore. So, I'll sit here tonight and monitor Transtar and the police blotter for accidents and DUI arrests until I hear the car pull in the driveway.

Don't get me wrong... although my life sucks right now, I have lived a very, very good and enjoyable life for many, many years. I don't regret doing much nor regret not doing something either.

Anyway, thanks for all the feedback.... sorry for being curt and just plain mean with some of you, and thanks for letting me vent a bit - just doing that was good therapy.... good free therapy.
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Old 07-24-2012, 12:55 PM
 
3,632 posts, read 10,774,352 times
Reputation: 1175
I don't understand why you put up with this?? Check up on her and see what she's really doing. The kids are older and don't need you there every second of the day and night.
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Old 07-24-2012, 01:00 PM
 
1,464 posts, read 1,565,920 times
Reputation: 1091
stop being a ***** and an enabler
your marriage is over and your wife is a worthless human being
the sooner you realize this the better off youll be
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