Older women, younger man...or vice versa? (marrying, attracted, husbands)

[vpcats]

Originally Posted by Magnum Mike

Hi Rance

If I knew she was 15 years older when I first met her, I wouldn't have gotten involved with her in the first place. I also do live by good princples, and honesty in a relationship is definitely a must. I found this out in 1993, I was 36 at the time, and she was 51, although she didn't look a day older than the age she claimed to be, which would have been around 40 back then, I still didn't feel comfortable being involved with somebody that much older. There were other factors also, but it was mainly the big age difference. We still remained friends though, but she was diagnosed with cancer in the liver in late 2001 and she passed away in May of 2003.

That's sad. I think 36/51 is a bit of a difference at that stage. Those same 15 years may not be anything at some other point in life. However, I do agree that dishonesty is not a good way to start or to continue a relationship.

What if she had told you 1 mth, 2 mths, 2 years into the relationship? Six years? Wow, I would have thought there would have been much more stability and love, understanding, etc. by then. AGE alone should not have been a deciding factor, I think.

You did say that there were other factors but that age was the primary reason. What did you guys do for those 6 years? Waste them?

You never know. Maybe they were the best years of her life and look what happened.

That just made feel like, you know what, live LIFE in the present. Enjoy whatever you have when you have it. Getting along, communicating, understanding, caring, is really much more important than some numbers.

[cremebrulee]

Originally Posted by Dennis58

Well, the woman I plan to marry is almost eight years older than myself. We have never seen it as any kind of a problem ourselfs. I have a few friends though, and a couple have even asked me why I'm with an older woman. The funny thing is, they didn't even know that she WAS older until I mentioned it. And, on her side of the fence, she has had a couple of her sisters mess with her about robbing the cradle, and that kind of stuff. My sister is almost ten years older than my brother-in-law. My own experience has been that this age difference thing always seems to bother other people much more than the couple involved. I would like to say that the cut off point for me would not exceed ten years. But, I cannot say that with any certain absolute knowledge. What I mean is, when I met the woman I'm now with, I for sure wasn't looking that particular night to meet ANY woman of ANY age, but I did. Now, what if she would have turned out to be ten or twelve years older, instead of eight? Folks, I just don't believe it would matter to me. Who says older woman can't be attractive anyway? And, one thing I know for an absolute fact, when it comes to choosing someone to spend our lives with, we all need to consider what kind of a heart the man or woman has, much more than age differences, or how "hot" he/she happens to look. So, in my opinion, the cut-off point needs to be set by the individual actually involved, and NOT by other peoples expections. Thats my true opinion on this matter.

Yanno Dennis, I believe people, including me, fear centering on the positive, instead of the negatives...we are certainly a complex breed...ignore the comments...people cannot see happy if it hit them in the face...they'd say, "Who was that"?????? LOL

[Rance]

Originally Posted by cremebrulee

Geeze, I didn't read all the posts before mine, the last time I posted, although I disagree....with some of your posts...I didn't mean you guys are jealous...I meant people who judge others...

Rance, I believe this is how they feel for themselves, but they don't feel badly about you and Hannah...it is just what they feel comfortable with

but I really don't believe they are judging you two, more so, I feel an environment of happiness for the two of you....and if you doubt, go back to your posts when you were visiting and all the people who wished Hannah a good time..

and even if they were jealous...so what...you two are happy and that is the ONLY thing that matters...

But honestly, I believe, most here, are happy for you both....

Hugs
Creme

Well I was not really speaking of me in general. Just for all those older/younger peoples out there that probably get ribbed one way or the other by friends and family. I fully understand each and everyone has their own views on this. It's cool. I never was one to live life according to others. In fact I used to wear mismatched socks on purpose. Just because everyone said I was "supposed" to wear matching socks! I don't want to be like everyone else! Something I have found rather peculiar...whenever I talk to co-workers or friends about my very dear friend...it seems the very first thing to come out of their mouth is "how old is she"! What is up with that? And this is before ever seeing her picture. It's amazing. Everyone but my own family asks that.
After some very recent news this afternoon from Sweden... I am speechless at the moment. Not to worry...it's good news. And no I'm not talking about pregnancy! She makes me smile so much my face hurts!

[displaced1]

I started to get wrinkles and I was dumped. I am still pretty and have a nice job but it doesn't matter they want to feel young and older does not do it for them. I would be curious to hear from woman who were left by ther husbands and why. I am having a terrible time dealing with this. Any advice from experts?

[Magnum Mike]

Originally Posted by vpcats

....
What if she had told you 1 mth, 2 mths, 2 years into the relationship? Six years? Wow, I would have thought there would have been much more stability and love, understanding, etc. by then. AGE alone should not have been a deciding factor, I think.

You did say that there were other factors but that age was the primary reason. What did you guys do for those 6 years? Waste them?

......

VPCats, out of respect for her and her daughters, I'd rather not divulge any more details about what happened, other than to say that it was better for both of us to go our seperate ways. She did manage to keep her age a secret for a long time. We didn't live together either, and I only met her 2 older daughters 4 years into the relationship.

[Marlow]

I don't think there's any sort of an "ick" factor to a big age difference, but there is something to be said for being at approximately the same stages as you go through life. I'm 8 years older than my dh and that's never been a big deal for us. But I have a friend who when she was in her early 30's married a guy who was around 70. She was in no way a gold digger, but they met, dated and married. Now, approximately 15 years later, they have two kids, 10 and 7, and he's got Alzheimer's disease. She's super smart and I know that she knew what she was doing, but now she's got 2 little kids and a husband needing a lot of care. That can happen at any age, obviously, but the chances are greater with a big age difference.

There are some stages that people typically go through--college, partying, parenting, mid-life crisis, retirement, etc. Being wildly out of sync with your SO's stages can cause conflict, no matter how much you love them.

[Rance]

I never have understood mid-life crisis. Is that something that happens to people that work the same 9 to 5 for years? Going home to the same house on the same street in the same car for too long? A form of depression?

[dreamofmonterey]

Originally Posted by Marlow

I don't think there's any sort of an "ick" factor to a big age difference, but there is something to be said for being at approximately the same stages as you go through life. I'm 8 years older than my dh and that's never been a big deal for us. But I have a friend who when she was in her early 30's married a guy who was around 70. She was in no way a gold digger, but they met, dated and married. Now, approximately 15 years later, they have two kids, 10 and 7, and he's got Alzheimer's disease. She's super smart and I know that she knew what she was doing, but now she's got 2 little kids and a husband needing a lot of care. That can happen at any age, obviously, but the chances are greater with a big age difference.

There are some stages that people typically go through--college, partying, parenting, mid-life crisis, retirement, etc. Being wildly out of sync with your SO's stages can cause conflict, no matter how much you love them.

That could be difficult for her. I had to care for my Dad (as a late child, he was 40 years older than his kids) so I guess the element of age plays into some things......

If 2 people love each other, I guess that is all that should matter, especially after a certain age, if people arent concerned about having kids, etc.

Rance, lol----midlife crisis- I think my stbx is on wikipedia for that

IMO midlife crisis is just ego- male or female freaking out that they cant meet the hot number they may have dated when they were 21.....Fortunately I am 15 years younger than the stbx, he could never make me jealous


sunny

[GoddessofRandomThoughts]

Originally Posted by Marlow

But I have a friend who when she was in her early 30's married a guy who was around 70. She was in no way a gold digger, but they met, dated and married. Now, approximately 15 years later, they have two kids, 10 and 7, and he's got Alzheimer's disease. She's super smart and I know that she knew what she was doing, but now she's got 2 little kids and a husband needing a lot of care. That can happen at any age, obviously, but the chances are greater with a big age difference.

There are some stages that people typically go through--college, partying, parenting, mid-life crisis, retirement, etc. Being wildly out of sync with your SO's stages can cause conflict, no matter how much you love them.

It's true that there can be conflict due to the difference in age but there can be conflict when a couple are the same age. There are no guarantees.

Yes, she has to deal with Alzheimer's but she had many hopefully happy years with her spouse and 2 wonderful children. She could have married a younger man and had to deal with cancer or any number of other problems.

Once again you never know what live will bring. If you find someone to love you should hang on to them. Who is to say that you will find someone just as good or better later.

Ya gotta live your life!!

Much love, La

[JerZ]

Originally Posted by cremebrulee

Yanno Dennis, I believe people, including me, fear centering on the positive, instead of the negatives...we are certainly a complex breed...ignore the comments...people cannot see happy if it hit them in the face...they'd say, "Who was that"?????? LOL

You know, creme...you might have a really good point there. Well, actually...you DO have a good point there (no "might" necessary). I think at times, we figure if we imagine the worst, then it won't hurt so badly if something bad happens. Does that make sense?

I mean not every minute of our lives, or in every situation, but in some situations. And if there's any situation that many people are afraid of getting hurt in...it's a new relationship.

That's just as an aside...I saw that point and thought it was excellent.