Older women, younger man...or vice versa? (hubby, children, friends)

[JerZ]

Originally Posted by Rance

I never have understood mid-life crisis. Is that something that happens to people that work the same 9 to 5 for years? Going home to the same house on the same street in the same car for too long? A form of depression?

I don't actually think it has to do with a rut as much as it has to do with reaching a certain age--and that age can be different for different people--and thinking, "I used to dream that by now I'd have accomplished X, Y and Z but instead, I work my butt off and am just average. I don't want to be just average any more." So they become un-average in the most obvious way: by dressing a certain way, driving a certain car, listening to certain music, etc. that would not otherwise be expected in, say, a married, 45-year-old person. ETA: I may be wrong about this, but the people I most associate with having a so-called "midlife crisis" are people who until that time tried to live by the status quo and do the right things at the right time. There's nothing wrong with that for some people, but I think if you try too hard, eventually there's a backlash.

[cremebrulee]

Originally Posted by Rance

Well I was not really speaking of me in general. Just for all those older/younger peoples out there that probably get ribbed one way or the other by friends and family. I fully understand each and everyone has their own views on this. It's cool. I never was one to live life according to others. In fact I used to wear mismatched socks on purpose. Just because everyone said I was "supposed" to wear matching socks! I don't want to be like everyone else! Something I have found rather peculiar...whenever I talk to co-workers or friends about my very dear friend...it seems the very first thing to come out of their mouth is "how old is she"! What is up with that? And this is before ever seeing her picture. It's amazing. Everyone but my own family asks that.
After some very recent news this afternoon from Sweden... I am speechless at the moment. Not to worry...it's good news. And no I'm not talking about pregnancy! She makes me smile so much my face hurts!

LOL, well now, I'm smiling to....and I know what you mean about not wanting to be like everyone else...I am so caught up in it, not b/c I want to be....but I can't stand people, even my family, knowing my business, unless I want to share it....and sometimes the more you wish to be like that, the more, people push themselves on you...and it's annoying.

But, yeah, I'm always asked, "so, what time do you get up in the morning?" And when I tell them, they act like I'm some kind of alien from outer space...then I have the option of explaining to them, that I am a farm girl and have gotten up early from a very little girl...plus I love the early morning, when it's so quiet, cuz everyone is still fast asleep like good lil lambs....hehe...or, just telling them b/c and let them think, I'm a real weird cup of soup....yanno? At this point in my life, who gives a you know what, what people think, I don't. I mean, I don't do anything to hurt people...and my business is my business....

I've even had people in my neighborhood suggest that I am gay, b/c I don't date? Sheesh, people are really sick, yanno? They always want the dirt...and to think the worst....never ceases to amaze me...so I don't think people suggesting to your faces, that the age difference is actually weird, as much as they simply want to nosey and have something new to talk about...yanno?

Let em...like I said before, they don't pay your bills, so screw em......

Its like when I'm walking down the hall in the corporate world, and woman walk by and check you out from head to toe....they are the ones who are label buyers and are not confident with who they are, so they think by compensating with expensive clothes...they are being accepted? Sheesh???? Little to day know...I can't wear heals, anymore...bad knees.

And that is when I hate people, if they'd pay more attention to their own life, then the soap opera world out there, we'd be much more productive and could be more mutually understanding, which would evolve us all in a much more positive way.

Hugs to Hannah and Rance

Creme

[vpcats]

Originally Posted by Magnum Mike

VPCats, out of respect for her and her daughters, I'd rather not divulge any more details about what happened, other than to say that it was better for both of us to go our seperate ways. She did manage to keep her age a secret for a long time. We didn't live together either, and I only met her 2 older daughters 4 years into the relationship.

I understand Mike. Everybody does what they have to do and you must have had your reasons. I didn't mean to sound all rough and tough. My apologies to you.

Life is so screwy, no one really knows which end is up most of the time.

[Marlow]

It's true that there can be conflict due to the difference in age but there can be conflict when a couple are the same age. There are no guarantees.

Yes, she has to deal with Alzheimer's but she had many hopefully happy years with her spouse and 2 wonderful children. She could have married a younger man and had to deal with cancer or any number of other problems.

Once again you never know what live will bring. If you find someone to love you should hang on to them. Who is to say that you will find someone just as good or better later.

Ya gotta live your life!!

I agree with everything you said. There are no guarantees in life and as far as I know, my friend doesn't have any regrets. Neverthess, I would hesitate before marrying someone more than 15 years older than I am because I would hope to increase my chances of having a partner for life. But if you'd told me that when I was younger, I would have blown it off in the name of love....

[Rance]

There are no garantee's on how long any of us will live. Heck in this day and age a couple could be 30 years apart in age...and the older could still outlive the younger! Be it due to an illness or a car wreck or anything. I think that if 2 people regardless of age, can find happiness being together, weather married or just friends...more power to them. And I don't know what to think about a gold-digger situation. I guess if the elder of the two is happy in the relationship...they are mature enough to know why the younger is there...and could end it if they wanted. I find most do not. So maybe they find being happy more of a concern than money.

[Wisteria]

Hot topic, here! For me, I most enjoy men within my age group. Mostly because they shared the same social experience (the 60s), as I did. My generation went through a unique time period in the history of this country, and it is difficult for me to relate to a much younger man about it (younger than 5 years). I definitely find it difficult to relate to older guys (older than 1-2 years) because they fall into a generation that was much more conservative, and more like my dad's.

I have dated men who were up to 15 years younger than me, one longer relationship the guy was 10 years younger. The one who was 15 years younger, did freak out when he found out how old I was. I thought he knew, but he obviously didn't. So, that didn't work out, which was fine because I think that 15 years is too wide a difference for me.

Like JerZ said, I found it to be the eeeewwww factor, too, when a guy 30 years older than me would be coming onto me in my twenties. Unfortunately, a lot of us women when we were in our twenties (and I'm sure 20-somethings now), found men in their 50s coming onto them. When I was 18, I remember thinking 24 was ancient. The thought of a 40 or 50-year-old guy approaching me was so gross!!! I, too, can't think of one 20-year-old who would be interested in any 50-year-old guy unless they have power or money or something else that off-sets that age difference.

I have a friend who has finally, at age 58, acknowledged that his chance of finding a cute sweetie of about 18-21 is pretty nil. I was like, "Huh, all this time you thought it was possible??" And he has neither power or money to help him out (or hair, for that matter! ).

At least I had a good wild time when I was younger, so I feel okay being older now. I sowed my wild oats, reaped plenty of fun and experiences, and now I'm content. If a nice, funny, good man whom I felt compatible with showed up on my doorstep, I wouldn't turn him away.

I still have a couple of guys interested in me, and I just have not reciprocated. I now have higher standards than before, and if a guy is lazy, or has horrible grammar (a sticky point with me), or is not as intelligent as I am, or doesn't have a decent sense of humor, or appears very emotionally weak, then it's not worth it to me. I'm looking for not only a good romp, but also for good companionship and intellect. Otherwise, friends are just fine.

Now, interestingly, my almost 18-year-old daughter recently told me that she is attracted to older men! (To her older is 23-35!) I was a bit in shock. I know she is a bit more mature (no, she's not had sex yet), she has lived in another country, and it seems that the boys at her school are really immature. So, we had this conversation just the other day, and she asked me if I liked older men. I told her the truth that I prefer men in my own age group, but I had dated younger men, and older, but I really preferred my own age group because I felt we had more in common. So, who knows, my kid may end up being quite different from me, and I will be supportive, regardless, as long as he's a kind, sincere, good man. Each person's different!

[southernlady5464]

My daddy is almost 80 (Jan) but LOOKS and acts about 65. His 3rd wife (he divorced my Mother back when I was 13, and he lost his second to cancer about 9 years ago now) is about 15 years younger than he is but they LOOK about the same age. They go good together because they keep each other young.

SHE has gone thru some life experiences in recent years that have aged her. She lost her previous husband to a horrific murder.

He is of the opinion that he is going to be around til he is at least 100...and given the gene pool we come from, it would not surprise me a bit if he does it.

Yes, he could die tomorrow but he could live a good long time. We all have a certain finite amount of time here...what we do with our Dash is what counts. Liz

[msina]

Guess I'm in the "Ewww" catagory. My DH is 24 years older. He's an excellant man, and oh yeah! no MIL

[Mathguy]

Originally Posted by displaced1

I started to get wrinkles and I was dumped. I am still pretty and have a nice job but it doesn't matter they want to feel young and older does not do it for them. I would be curious to hear from woman who were left by ther husbands and why. I am having a terrible time dealing with this. Any advice from experts?

It is almost impossible to say what went through the mind of your hubby...the reasons may have nothing to do with your physical appearance and might be some issue HE has or it might be there was another issue between the two of you. A LOT more detail (how long you were married etc.) might shed some light on things.

My sisters friends all seem to be leaving thier hubbies for other guys right now so that door swings both ways.

Best of luck, it might turn out the guy did you a favor.

[JerZ]

Originally Posted by msina

Guess I'm in the "Ewww" catagory. My DH is 24 years older. He's an excellant man, and oh yeah! no MIL

Oh, well, when you put it that way...Bring on the 70-year-old men!!!

I actually have said something like this to my husband, though it's not based on my being significantly older. My mother died quite young, well before I ever met my husband, and my father lived very far away and we were more or less estranged with just the occasional phone call. He passed away two years ago. Anyway, when my MIL pulls something ridiculous (or intrusive or what-have-you), I'll say to DH, "Now I know why you really married me. It was because I'm an orphan!!"