Older women, younger man...or vice versa? (how to, kids, sex)

[cremebrulee]

Originally Posted by JerZ

I don't actually think it has to do with a rut as much as it has to do with reaching a certain age--and that age can be different for different people--and thinking, "I used to dream that by now I'd have accomplished X, Y and Z but instead, I work my butt off and am just average. I don't want to be just average any more." So they become un-average in the most obvious way: by dressing a certain way, driving a certain car, listening to certain music, etc. that would not otherwise be expected in, say, a married, 45-year-old person. ETA: I may be wrong about this, but the people I most associate with having a so-called "midlife crisis" are people who until that time tried to live by the status quo and do the right things at the right time. There's nothing wrong with that for some people, but I think if you try too hard, eventually there's a backlash.

YOU ARE NOT JUST AVERAGE LADY JANE!!!!!! YOU ARE, A TREMENDOUS INTELLECTUAL WOMAN, WHO IS VERY AWARE, AND YOU POSSESS A HUNGER FOR KNOWLEDGE AND YOU ARE NOT AFRAID TO SAY "I'M WRONG" AND "I LOVE YOU" IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS....SO DON'T YOU DARE SELL THE GAL SHORT THAT I'VE COME TO KNOW....

[Roaddog]

Originally Posted by Rance

I never have understood mid-life crisis. Is that something that happens to people that work the same 9 to 5 for years? Going home to the same house on the same street in the same car for too long? A form of depression?

Shhhhhh, it's not magic, married men use it to buy motorcycles and corvettes, sheesh don't blow our cover

What I think is it's depression over feeling older and wanting to recapture some of that youth. I really don't know but I've seen it with alot of people

[Rance]

I'm the opposite. I prefer antiques and old cars. Always have. Weird!

[SandyCo]

There are always the extreme examples... like Tony Randall (in his 80s) and his wife (in her 20s). That, to me, was a real "euwww", no matter what. Now she's a widow raising their kids; how sad for their children.

It depends on the two people involved, and it depends what they want as well. If I met a man my age who had never been married and he wanted to have a family, I'd have to pass. On the other end of the spectrum, if I met a man ten years younger who is on the fast track for his career and he works 14 hour days - again, I'd pass.

I agree that men have more options when it comes to having a family; that's just biology. (Older women having babies through in vitro, etc. is for another thread!) However, those men better have something else to bring, as someone else already stated (money, power, or fame).

[Mathguy]

Originally Posted by Roaddog

Shhhhhh, it's not magic, married men use it to buy motorcycles and corvettes, sheesh don't blow our cover

What I think is it's depression over feeling older and wanting to recapture some of that youth. I really don't know but I've seen it with alot of people

I think it's also a sense of your own mortality.
You get into your 40's and you've started to lose people....family friends, aunts\uncles, parents...not that this doesn't happen when you are younger but just not with the same frequency.

I think this is a huge part of people freaking out a bit as if suddenly realizing life is too short.

[msina]

We have been together a lot of years, (15-married). I was 31, my DH was 55. It worked for us. You have to know the story to get the picture sometimes and everyone has a story, mine's just one so,.. no big deal. I enjoy reading all the posts, there are a lot of deep thinkers and people discuss things without being rude.

[Huckleberry3911948]

Originally Posted by sunnyhelena

what is the cut-off point...It is not unusual to see a 20 year old with someone 30 years older, (older Man), but it seems there is still a double standard, for example if the woman is over 35 and the man under 25.


What is everyone's opinion?

sunny

did not see my post sooooo here it is
if i got it straight-----
old guy is 40+ and girl is 20
dirt bag!!!!
old woman 60+ and boy is 20
no problem!!!!!
daring, cute, saucy, adventuresome, modern, liberated, harmless, she's coming out, it's you've come a long way baby.
yes ?? I got it?
stephen s
san diego ca

[Rance]

So why would an older guy be considered a dirtbag for being with a younger woman...but an older woman with a younger guy is no problem? That makes no sense.

And msina...I am happy to hear you and hubby have gotten along well for so long. You see people. It does work.

[JerZ]

Originally Posted by Bunky39

did not see my post sooooo here it is
if i got it straight-----
old guy is 40+ and girl is 20
dirt bag!!!!
old woman 60+ and boy is 20
no problem!!!!!
daring, cute, saucy, adventuresome, modern, liberated, harmless, she's coming out, it's you've come a long way baby.
yes ?? I got it?
stephen s
san diego ca

Stephen, who the heck said this? I'll tell you who. You...and only you. Twice now. Ironically, this particular attitude seems to be held by you and you alone on this thread.

And I answered you, by the way. Scroll back. I gave you a good, long answer to this, as far as my opinion and experience were concerned.

It's fine to dislike attitudes or double-standards...but I'm not sure, in this case, who you're railing at, when nobody here said it's gross to have an older man but "liberated" to have a younger one. All the "eews" have been based on the example of a 20-year-old with a 50-year old (and certainly not everyone even had an "eew" about that in the first place). Nobody said the guy must be a scumbag. When an older woman scenario was brought up, again, there were some "eeeeeeews" at a 50-year-old woman with a 20-year-old man. Nobody said, "How daring, cute and saucy that is! You've come a long way, baby! Go ahead, tuck right into that!!!" or what-have-you. I know you feel you're being ignored, but frankly, you're the one who is doing the ignoring.

If, OTOH, you have *personal* experience with this, then fine...but in that case, the place to take your argument and your sense of injustice is to that person...not here. The way you've stated the above (twice now) is as if people on *this thread* have said older men are dirt bags but older women are liberated, with your opening of "let me get this straight..." No, I'm afraid you actually don't have it straight at all.

Please re-read before you get frustrated and indignant at all of us here...NONE of whom, as far as I can see, have made the double-standard statement you are commenting on.

[vpcats]

Well guys, I'll tell you... I am one of those who has been on the younger men side and, it's got its pros and cons. I was also once on the much older guy end. It was very good at that point in my life but I knew it wouldn't work eventually.

My stepfather was 20 years older than my mother. I cannot ever see myself in that kind of a permanent relationship but I don't really know if it would work for me NOW. Also, my mother and I are so different that I should not judge a relationship with a much older man as something that just cannot work.

Little story.... I have a couple who comes to clean my house every two weeks. A married couple. They have been married 7 years. It is the woman's 2nd marriage. She has 2 kids in their 20's, and has a grandchild already. Her first marriage lasted a very long time but because of her upbringing and religion, she stayed despite the abuse, until one day.

Then she met this other guy and, like I said, they've been married 7 years. She is 52 and he is 30. He is drop dead gorgeous. She looks great when she gets dressed up and does her hair & make-up, otherwise she does look like his mother. You would not believe how well they get along and how much he adores this lady, and vice versa.

So you never know.......