Older women, younger man...or vice versa? (conversations, different, wife)

[Rance]

Originally Posted by Bunky39

did not see my post sooooo here it is
if i got it straight-----
old guy is 40+ and girl is 20
dirt bag!!!!
old woman 60+ and boy is 20
no problem!!!!!
daring, cute, saucy, adventuresome, modern, liberated, harmless, she's coming out, it's you've come a long way baby.
yes ?? I got it?
stephen s
san diego ca

I think somebody likes older women!

[stranan]

This is new to me. A 20 year younger man has been quite interested in me for months and I'm not handling it well. I have 3 sons, the youngest 15, and am thinking this man is the age of my oldest son. On the other hand, he is also the most enjoyable man I have been friends with EVER.
I'm working in a company that makes me want to do better every day and I want a better career and life for myself. This young man has alot of the same dereams and ideas. He's also courteous, intuitive and understanding and exciting to talk to.
The "sane?" side of me is freaking out. What am I doing? I don't know how to proceed with this. We've been out together once, seeing the beautiful country area where I live. But, besides the fact that we work in an area with 60 other curious people, when I go home at night, I think he's got a great life ahead of him with lots to look forward to, include wife and kids and I also think I want to spend more time with him and see where it goes.
This is an old Post subject but if anyone can reply to this, I'd appreciate it. I sound so fickle, even to myself! I'm a practical single woman and am not normally reactive. I like to be proactive.
Thanks.

[Rance]

I say go for it. Don't worry about what others think.

[NorthmeetsSouth]

Originally Posted by stranan

This is new to me. A 20 year younger man has been quite interested in me for months and I'm not handling it well. I have 3 sons, the youngest 15, and am thinking this man is the age of my oldest son.

I wouldn't worry about the people at work, but I would definitely worry about what my son thought if I were in your shoes. I think that your kids would find it a little creepy and embarrassing. They might get grief from their pals at school once the word got out (and you know it would get out). Its hard raising kids on your own... I know... but they are our #1 responsibility and we often have to do without something we want in order to give them something they want. In your case, I think you have to give up the possibility of a romance with this young guy in order to not put your kids in a position of having to explain their mom to their friends. Don't worry, someone more "age appropriate" will come along when the time is right.

[vpcats]

I would say - go out a few more times, quietly. See how it feels. I would not fall head over heels right away. I think you need to tread carefully and slowly but, give it a chance. If it works, then get a megaphone and blast it to the world. You should run it by your kids first. Before you do that, make sure that your relationship will withstand everything that will be thrown at it. If you want it, go for it with all your strength. It may not last forever but you'll have memorable times. :-)

[elfyum]

As long as both parties are legal (16+) it's fine!!!!!
ALWAYS older female with younger male.
That's the only way for the sex drives to match!
(I'm TOTALLY serious!!)

[Rance]

Originally Posted by NorthmeetsSouth

I wouldn't worry about the people at work, but I would definitely worry about what my son thought if I were in your shoes. I think that your kids would find it a little creepy and embarrassing. They might get grief from their pals at school once the word got out (and you know it would get out). Its hard raising kids on your own... I know... but they are our #1 responsibility and we often have to do without something we want in order to give them something they want. In your case, I think you have to give up the possibility of a romance with this young guy in order to not put your kids in a position of having to explain their mom to their friends. Don't worry, someone more "age appropriate" will come along when the time is right.

Sure our children are our #1 responsibility. But there comes a time when you have to cut the cord. Any single parent should have the right to live a little for themselves. And our children should be understanding of that. You start worrying about what your kids friends think and you may as well crawl in a corner and hide the rest of your life. To heck with the kids and their friends. Live a little.

[mishigas73]

Originally Posted by Rance

Sure our children are our #1 responsibility. But there comes a time when you have to cut the cord. Any single parent should have the right to live a little for themselves. And our children should be understanding of that. You start worrying about what your kids friends think and you may as well crawl in a corner and hide the rest of your life. To heck with the kids and their friends. Live a little.

What a great response.

One of the greatest things that I have learned in my life is *never* to turn your back on happiness. Because, when you have that, so many other things just seem to fall into place.

If a parent looks for a partner that's "age appropriate" according to what their kids think, what are they teaching their kids? That it's more important to be concerned about what others think than what YOU think. Forget about the fact that this person is the salt of the earth, because they're either "too old" or "too young" in the minds of others, they should be discarded. What a terrible lesson to teach a child.

I'm involved with a man who is 25 years my senior. I'm sure we "get looks", but, whatever. Seriously, WHATEVER. I don't even notice the vast majority of the time. And, part of that I credit my parents for. I looked outside the "age box", and found a man that I simply adore, and that adores me. Can't beat that now, can I? If I were a different person, and rejected him outright because of his age, what would I have missed out on?

I understand the issues involved with bringing in a SO to a situation where there are kids. But, I cannot see, if a parent wants to date, rejecting an otherwise wonderful person because of an age issue that makes a child uncomfortable. IMO, it's a wonderful chance for a life lesson.

[stranan]

My kids have actually said it was okay with them, although they never met him. (And believe me, I've thought about that!) They know that I haven't taken their welfare lightly.
I think I've had a harder time justifying the age difference. I've found in recent years that I attract younger men; I look about 10 years younger than I am (I've been told). But it still baffles me.
Things are cooling down with my work friend. Too many responsibilities on my side and I think I overwhelmed him.
He is and will be a good friend though. It has definitely awakened my confidence and interest in finding friendship and dating someone, which I haven't given a thought to in a long time!
Thanks for your comments.

[livedandlearned]

ok i think there is nothing worng with dating a guy that is 30 years older than urself. i am a 22 year old who has dated the 51 yr old and it was great, it did not last long b/c he was a great guy and did not want our friends and family to have the same reaction as some people in this forum did, so he ended it and we are now great friends. there is nothing wrong with dating the older guy, ur not dateing his age u are dating the person, u did not get feelings for him by looking at his age and saying oh i love him cause he is 50 u have feelings for him because of his personality, how he treats u ect..... so go for it, if it makes u both happy to be together then people should be happy for u guys. and those who dont like it need to get out of there box, cause u cant help who u have feelings for!