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Old 07-24-2012, 01:13 PM
 
6 posts, read 2,272 times
Reputation: 10

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Iím trying to figure out whether I should be in a committed, exclusive relationship with the woman Iíve been dating for 5 weeks now. After 3 weeks, we made it an official relationship and announced it to others but for the past 2 weeks Iíve been thinking that was a rushed decision. When Iím not worrying about this issue, I actually have a great time with Mary (her name) but thereís often this lingering worry in the back of my mind. Basically, from counseling and getting in shape, my self-confidence has gone up a lot and thereís a part of me that wants to date many women (still including Mary) and then pick the one that I feel Iíd have the best long-term, monogamous relationship with. I definitely could still see it being Mary but part of me feels I owe it to myself to have a larger sample of dating experiences and then figure out who I want to be with long-term. Itís not that I fear having to commit to one woman as far as sex goes. What I really fear is spending the rest of my life sub-optimally Ė living my whole life with someone and it turning out that I would have been happier with someone else. For my whole adult life, this has been a huge fear actually. Itís prevented me from ever settling down with a woman. Iím 33 and I seldom date a woman for more than a few weeks, though Iíve had 3 relationships that lasted between 6 months and a year. I never had an extended period of time (like more than a week) where I was very confident I was with the right person and had no lingering worries, including in those 3 longer relationships. Part of me thinks these worries now have nothing to do with Mary or my relationship with her and would have come up with anyone Iím dating. But another part of me thinks Iíd know it and not have any doubts if I were with the right person. If I shared any of my thoughts with her and she decided she didnít want to keep seeing me, I would consider it a huge loss. So I basically have no idea what to do.
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Old 07-24-2012, 01:14 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 88,766,576 times
Reputation: 39876
Do Mary a favor and let her go.

You are not good relationship material right now, and she needs to know that.
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Old 07-24-2012, 01:17 PM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,098 posts, read 8,412,023 times
Reputation: 11629
I think when you are with the right person you don't want to date anyone else. You're happy with what you have. But I think it can take longer than 3 weeks or 5 weeks or even a few months to decide if you feel this way or not. If Mary is a great girl and you're happy, then why don't you stick it out for a couple months and see what happens? It will become clear to you that she's the right girl or you'll continue to have doubts and decide to move on.
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Old 07-24-2012, 01:36 PM
 
11,682 posts, read 14,481,541 times
Reputation: 19126
I think that when you are with the right person, you feel it in your bones.

Even if she is the right person, you have doubts and that's no good.
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Old 07-24-2012, 01:38 PM
 
Location: southern california
55,819 posts, read 74,837,305 times
Reputation: 48375
u dont need marry or the other 3. u need counseling.
u r having trouble with yourself and committments.
something is bugging you big time.
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Old 07-24-2012, 02:13 PM
 
2,151 posts, read 2,791,574 times
Reputation: 1681
if you have to ask if you should stay in a relationship.. the answer is probably no
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Old 07-24-2012, 02:16 PM
 
4,228 posts, read 6,187,334 times
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So it sounds like at 33 you have finally reached a place where you are comfortable enough to date. A place most people get to when they are in high school or college. I think it's only fair, that like someone in high school and college, you keep your options open and experience what people in their teens and 20's go through...a pool of dating partners, weeding out what you like and dislike.

Most people would inform someone with little experience to not rush into a relationship.
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Old 07-24-2012, 02:23 PM
 
6 posts, read 2,272 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
So it sounds like at 33 you have finally reached a place where you are comfortable enough to date. A place most people get to when they are in high school or college. I think it's only fair, that like someone in high school and college, you keep your options open and experience what people in their teens and 20's go through...a pool of dating partners, weeding out what you like and dislike.
It does feel that way although I'm not sure I'm fully there yet.
Quote:
u need counseling.
u r having trouble with yourself and committments.
I think that's a fair statement too.
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Old 07-24-2012, 02:25 PM
 
4,228 posts, read 6,187,334 times
Reputation: 5329
Quote:
Originally Posted by 7991NNOB View Post
It does feel that way although I'm not sure I'm fully there yet.
There's your answer. Dont date this women.
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Old 07-24-2012, 05:09 PM
 
Location: TX
6,491 posts, read 5,261,818 times
Reputation: 2619
I only have time to comment on this, for now.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 7991NNOB View Post
But another part of me thinks Iíd know it and not have any doubts if I were with the right person.
IME... False. Thinking people (including you, obviously) have doubts. There is no guaranteed way around them.
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