When my wife asks if I like her cooking I can't help lying (wives, marry)
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Ok real problem: often my wife's meals really aren't that good. Problem is I'm a better cook and a bit of a food snob but don't have the time or energy to cook myself everyday since I'm the bread earner and she's a stay at home mom.
She'll cook up some unimaginative boiled rice and chicken with random spices and tomato paste thrown in and call it good. Places the plate in front of me and asks "do you like it?". It's almost like...it's not an actual question but a statement like "eat it!".
So for whatever reason I end up lying without skipping a beat. This has been going on for almost a decade.
What would you do? She's not the type to take criticism well...
don't critique her or her cooking ability, make sure the discussion stays limited to the dish that you don't like, and exactly what you don't like about it.
avoid any sort of argument that goes like: "You always _____"
Ok real problem: often my wife's meals really aren't that good. Problem is I'm a better cook and a bit of a food snob but don't have the time or energy to cook myself everyday since I'm the bread earner and she's a stay at home mom.
She'll cook up some unimaginative boiled rice and chicken with random spices and tomato paste thrown in and call it good. Places the plate in front of me and asks "do you like it?". It's almost like...it's not an actual question but a statement like "eat it!".
So for whatever reason I end up lying without skipping a beat. This has been going on for almost a decade.
What would you do? She's not the type to take criticism well...
Well, if you hadn't already let it go for ten years, I would suggest cooking with her, since you apparently know more about it than she does, and giving her pointers through modeling. Plenty of us find the time and energy to cook after having worked a full day outside the home, so I'm sure you can muster the energy, if the alternative is tolerating crappy meals. Or, you could do it on the weekends if you truly can't manage to be involved on weeknights. After ten years of not saying anything, though, be prepared to explain why this is a "sudden" focus.
Really, though, criticizing someone's lack of skill in a particular area without offering any solutions to improve the situation is kind of a jerk move, and really only going to get a negative reaction (particularly if it opens the floodgates of, "For TEN YEARS, you've felt this way, and waited until now to say something?").
Ask me a question and you will get an honest answer. Tough if the person asking doesn't want to hear the truth.
Read up on how to make simple nutritious meals that you both will like and show her what you learned.
It appears that should have been done a long time ago.
Buy her some cookbooks and get her some cooking lessons. Tell her its because you want some variety. If she leaves the books on the shelf and refuses to go the classes you will have to be brutally honest and tell her the food sucks.
I'd like to know how she reacts when you express yourself with something you don't like... what did she do last time, when you were dating? I would think it'd be irritating to hear a critique after 10 years but at the same time, if she's a big baby and turns it around on you, then I'd be less sympathetic to her needs. Sorry, but it goes both ways.
Is there a way to "tweak" her meals just enough that you'd find it enjoyable? Are there ready-made sauces or seasonings that she could use to add to her regular meals that would give them "oomph"? I'd definitely tell her and see if she's grown up any. You know not to hurt her feelings but if she still reacts poorly, then tough....she needs to grow up.
Well, if you hadn't already let it go for ten years, I would suggest cooking with her, since you apparently know more about it than she does, and giving her pointers through modeling. Plenty of us find the time and energy to cook after having worked a full day outside the home, so I'm sure you can muster the energy, if the alternative is tolerating crappy meals. Or, you could do it on the weekends if you truly can't manage to be involved on weeknights. After ten years of not saying anything, though, be prepared to explain why this is a "sudden" focus.
Really, though, criticizing someone's lack of skill in a particular area without offering any solutions to improve the situation is kind of a jerk move, and really only going to get a negative reaction (particularly if it opens the floodgates of, "For TEN YEARS, you've felt this way, and waited until now to say something?").
^^^. Not to mention, then it would come out "what other things have bothered you that you haven't been honest about?"
Does she like her cooking? Just wondering if you two have different taste. If that's true, then since you've told her all these years that you like her cooking then you can only encourage her towards making dishes that you like. You'll have to either write recipes down for the dishes you cook and ask her to make the recipe cause you like it or find already written recipes that you've tested yourself. Just tell her that you made it and liked the recipe and ask her if she can make it for you once a week. Maybe you can add a new one every month. It'll take time but it can be done.
^^ Totally a possibility. My SO and I have markedly different taste in many areas of dining.
But because I hate seafood and find it the most bland thing one can do with pasta, that doesn't mean that my SO's recipe for linguine with white clam sauce sucks, it doesn't mean that he's a terrible cook. It just means that I don't like fishy crap in my pasta. I would never dream of telling him that he's a bad cook, because he's not. Likewise, the fact that he doesn't like vegetables doesn't make my vegetable lasagna suck. It's really good...he just doesn't like it. It doesn't mean I'm a bad cook, either. 'Tis life.
The problem lies in the fact that the only effective way to guarantee that behavior continues is to reinforce it. Unfortunately for you, you've been reinforcing something you don't like for a decade...I hope you don't expect things to turn around overnight.
One really good idea would be to split cooking duties, seriously. You say you work. So do I and so does my SO (I imagine your spouse does other things with her day besides food preparation, as well). One can hold down a job and still manage to feed one's self.
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I wouldn't tell her that
